No, it shows too much of your ugly face.
I'm having fish for dinner.
Caught it fresh from the sewers?
Just finished working out!
Yes, I have heard about your workout...lifting the shovel of food to your mouth, lowering the shovel, lifting the shovel, lowering the shovel, lifting the shovel...
I forgot to get milk at the store today.
But at least you remembered to buy Hustler!
My computer is doing strange things today...
Perhaps you shouldn't have plugged it in...
The weather channel forecasts rain in the northwest...
And a drip in the northeast
Getting ready to have a cup of coffee
That requires you to remove all your clothes? Well, the way you slobber, that might be quite practical.
I like hearing gossip.
You won't once you hear what they're saying about YOU!
Dean Koontz is not a very good writer.
When you learn how to read you might change your mind.
I need a diet soda.
You need a diet everything.
I'm feeling kind of blue.
Your baby sitter locked you in the freezer again?
I am way behind schedule today.
Being drunk lazy stupid and stoned causes that.
Mountain dew to start off my work day
Mountain Dew! What a REBEL you are Ralphy! No coffee for THIS guy!
Since I moved to Arizona I have not had to shovel snow!
Most people in the State Penitentiary are excluded from shoveling snow...the shovels are considered weapons after all.
Big Steelers/Bengals game Sunday
Don't get too excited about it or the attendants will have to tell your doctor to up your Haldol again.
I had my furnace cleaned today.
So that's how you refer to those medical procedures that you practically beg for...
It should be a quiet weekend.
Yeah, no-one who has ever met you wants to repeat the experience - they stay well away
Think I'll go get a pineapple juice
That should help to wash down all the gin you've been guzzling.
I hope the present I mailed today gets there on time.
Sure you do...that's why you neglected to put postage on it.
IBM is freezing their pension plan.
No surprise there - after that disastrous project you headed up that lost them billions of dollars.
My best friend collects newspaper cuttings about me
