Well, stop living in fantasy land and start digging out of that mess you call your home.
My house is really pretty clean right now.
That's by your standards, anyone else would consider your place cluttered, filthy, and barely habitable. Because you finally threw out last week's rotting garbage hardly means the place is clean.
I feel like I'm in a fog.
You look like you're in a fog. (I actually read that wrong, and had to revise. Sometimes "a"s look like "o"s.)
I'm feeling much better today.
You can't be worse than yesterday you didn't even come round.
I'm really glad England won the Ashes.
You have very little else to be glad about.
I've been working on my lawn.
So what. You're lawn will look great, and you'll still be the same ugly bastard you've always been.
I'm thinking of going out to see some live musicians tonight.
Jugband in town?
I'm still feeling weak.
Then stop looking at yourself naked in the mirror or you'll start to vomit again.
My subscription to Field and Stream is over.
I suppose that ends your minimal pictorial contact with the great outdoors. You can always imagine you are hunting when you are down at the dump foraging for some new furniture.
I just had some meatballs and spaghetti.
Found a way to pry the lid off the dumpster in back of Angelo's Restaurant again, eh?
I feel extremely happy right now.
Time for a reality check, dumbbell. Read that letter again. It doesn't say you won the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. It only says they will be at your door IF you win the sweepstakes.
I finally found something I was searching for.
Got home at last, try taking more water with it.
I've just booked a holiday in Scotland.
England will be glad to know you're leaving. Poor Scotland!
I've got carpool duty today.
You should take a Breathalyzer test first.
I need help decorating my house.
Didn't the treat or treater's do it last Halloween?
I'm going to the new shopping mall.
Going to try some shoplifting in a new mall where the store detectives don't already know you?
I need to get more sleep.
The mess your shack is in it's clear you're not tired from cleaning.
It may rain later today.
Your bursitis tellin' you that, grampaw?
It just rained here this morning.
BBB
Just because your mascera is running down your cheeks doesn't mean you're upset, just stop buying cheap gunk.
BBB
Just because you can tie your shoes doesn't mean you've got them on the right feet.
