They're probably losers ... like you.
I support my own soccer team ... the one I play on.
I'm sure they all love their athletic supporter.
Two puns for the price of one.
Still a cheapskate, aren't you?
I'm going to water my flowers now.
Why don't you use the toilet like normal people?
I'm going to cut the grass tomorrow.
Why don't you just say "fart," like normal people?
I'm stuck upgrading SQL server.
Low man on the totem pole always gets stuck with the job nobody else wants. Try not to screw it up...too much.
I am a terrific shopper.
Gonna clean out the Salvation Army again?
I like to play Scrabble
Too bad you don't know any words that have more than four letters.
I'm making hamburgers for dinner.
Cannibal!
I'm making spaghetti.
Have you learned how to boil water yet, or is it Chef Boyardee again?
I changed my mind. I'll make hamburgers tomorrow night.
Yeah, save the good stuff for when company comes.
I'm going to change into something more comfortable...
Try standing up straight instead of slouching.
(scratch when you're itching)
Fleas again, 'ollady? Time for your semi-annual bath, I'd say.
About time to turn in.
What's the warrant for this time? Another prostitution bust?
I'm tired also. Liberals wear me out.
Sure it's not the tasser gun you have up your butt?
I'm going to the movies tomorrow night.
I hope you and your imaginary date have a great time.
I'm so damn sexy.
Yeah, you're everybody's bitch aren't ya?
I'm feeling good tonight...
All alone and feeling yourself up again? That's just sad.
My cat loves me so much.
thats the closest to pussy youll get (damn Im so predictable)
Im having heartburn
That's what you get for swilling all that booze while you're watching all that porn
I love it when it rains
