That's what you get for hiring the 400 pound hooker to sit on your face.
I think I'm allergic to our kitten.
Next time, try skinning it before you eat it.
Diet Vanilla Coke for lunch.
That'll go REAL nicely with that Big Mac. Nice try, lardo.
It's getting hot & humid here!
You shouldn't wear that rubber suit.
The TV is really bad tonight.
Maybe if you would pick up a book, instead of staring at the boob tube, you might learn something.
I wish that it would stop raining.
All that rain must be tough on that cardboard box you live in.
I'm starving.
You shouldn't be you ate enough to feed a small nation yesterday.
I think I'll go out on the town tonight.
Glad to hear you're finally coming out.
I'm feeling randy today.
Lucky you have yourself to please.
I didn't get much sleep because of the thunderstorms.
That noise you heard was a breakdown in the plumbing in your brain.
I bought some new shorts.
You should remember to wear your adult diapers.
I'm going to go out and enjoy the hot weather.
Naked croquet isn't tolerated in most countries.
I'm going to a Japanese dinner.
The dementia is progressing nicely, you forgot to make a comment about yourself.
I really need to work in my garden.
Call that a garden?
I mentioned Japanese dinners.
Remember to wash your feet. Last time you went to a Japanese dinner and removed your shoes half the people in the place threw up.
I need to find some old tax returns.
Trying a last ditch effort to avoid that tax evasion charge?
I'm dealing with yet another bout of insomnia
you might want to blunt the nails on your bed.
I'm marching in a parade today in a chupacabra costume.
No need to insult you further, then!
I took my mother-in-law to a beautiful pub by the river.
Trying to get the old girl drunk again?
I'm celebrating something special today.
Congratulations! First day out of the asylum?
I've got a lot to do today
