Want out of shacking up situation

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My son's father came back in my life after 10 years of being in prison. We became reacquainted with each other over a holiday break. Since we live in diff states, I allowed him to come visit for a couple of weeks. Well, when the time came for him to go back, he wanted to stay and try to find a job and get on his feet where we lived. Needless to say, I let him b/c he is super helpful with the kids (I have other kids that aren't his from my ex-marriage.), house duties, etc.

Fast forward to today, it's been 5 months now. We've had conversations about getting married soon cause shacking up is hurting me inside b/c it's not right as a believer in God and His design for the household. So, as time is passing, I'm getting more impatient. He's doing temporary work now hoping to get a permanent job. I know I got myself in this situation but, I wish that he had somewhere else to live since we aren't married. I want to get out of this situation but, it's hard. So, it seems like I'll create fights so I can 'kick him out.' So, at least we won't be in sin anymore. But, I don't want to end that way cause that's mean to bring him here and treat him badly so he'll want to leave.

I don't know what to do about this...

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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 929 • Replies: 17

@thagyrlIam,

I don't love ultimatums, but it's time for one.

Give him 6 months to either find another place to live or put a ring on it. And stick to your guns, if it matters this much to you.

Prepare yourself for the potential result that he walks, possibly permanently (ultimatums aren't very nice).

Or you can just say, "I'm free on Thursday (or whenever) and I found out the Justice of the Peace's office is open for marriages from 2 - 4, so let's get lunch, bring the kids and get married."

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@thagyrlIam,

thagyrlIam wrote:

We've had conversations about getting married soon

what does your son's father think about the idea of marrying you - soon, or ever?

1 Reply

You sound like you have deep reservations about marrying this guy. And your focus on the "sin" of it is not genuine or relevant right now. (I doubt if God is interested in your living situation right now with all the things going on in the world)

Make him leave because THAT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

You were kind to him -(too kind, since you let him in your bedroom) - and now it's time he moves on.

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@ehBeth,

He's all for getting married as soon as we can. Naturally, he has to build the funds to get a ring, first. We're waiting to schedule premarital counseling at our church so that our pastor will marry us...instead of doing it at the courthouse.

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@thagyrlIam,

You can get married without much of a ring or even any ring.

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@thagyrlIam,

thagyrlIam wrote:

Naturally, he has to build the funds to get a ring, first.

errr

nothing natural about that at all

<shakes head>

if a ring is why you're not married don't bother

____

then again, if it is good premarital counselling you will learn that the ring is simply a symbol - and a $20 ring carries the same symbolism as a more expensive ring

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@thagyrlIam,

thagyrlIam wrote:

We're waiting to schedule premarital counseling at our church so that our pastor will marry us

sounds like you need this sooner rather than later - book a good group counselling program asap

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

We used my grandmother's old ring and he didn't get one; bought ones of our own about five years later, and those were not expensive either.

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@ehBeth,

I don't need a pricey ring. Some kind of something would be nice but price doesn't matter. He keeps talking about saving up for one. We could get tattoos and I wouldn't care.

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@ehBeth,

Thanks for the replies! I'm just getting antsy b/c of the sin. So we have to get the counseling asap

1 Reply

@thagyrlIam,

You live in another world view than I do, but I urge you not to use sin as a reason for decision making or getting antsy.

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@thagyrlIam,

I don't think you are really even thinking this through.

You've been married before, it didn't work.

Your son's Father has re-entered your life having been in prison for 10 years, has a part time job at this stage and more than likely is finding life quite difficult to what he's just had to deal with for a decade.

You've been together for only 5 months and "he's good with the kids" so that will do, marry him. My question is why? So you can get Divorced again?

No where did you state you love him. Rather, you want to get married to him because he's living with you and to you that's a Sin.

So is stealing, attempted murder, robbery.

Your "children" need a Father figure that is going to be around all of their life.

I just have this gut feeling that this has nothing to do with love at all, rather settling.

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

You might be right that I'm not thinking this through. I just know that he seems to be the kind of guy that I want with me.

My ex was super mean to me and my kids that weren't his. It was a terrible situation. And he thought cause he made all this money, I shouldn't trip.

This guy loves me, my kids, and wants to do life with me. I do love him and care about him a lot. I know he'll do anything for us. I've been helping him out as much as I can.

I've just been feeling bad about the living situation. I thought maybe the counseling will help give insight to all that.

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@thagyrlIam,

Yeah, sign up for the premarital counselling as soon as you can. It should be helpful for all of you.

Does the counselling at your church provide you with a mentor couple for support after the marriage? I have some friends on both sides of that and it seems to really be helpful.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

The counseling is one on one with a married couple.

1 Reply

@thagyrlIam,

Quote:

We're waiting to schedule premarital counseling at our church so that our pastor will marry us...instead of doing it at the courthouse.

So what about premarital counselling? As you have written?

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@FOUND SOUL,

We are waiting for a time that's good for the married couple...to see what days are good for them to meet with us. We have to order a workbook in the meantime.

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Want out of shacking up situation

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