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Mon 27 Apr, 2015 08:35 am
Okay, I am still in a relationship with another woman that is tearing me apart inside. I hate living two lives, lying and hiding, it is ridiculous, but still can't end it. She is 700 Miles away in another country, but dang I cannot imagine my life without her. She does things that drive me crazy, I am so jealous and controlling with her, and of course she changes for me. (I know this will be resentment later). She is married with two teenage children, I am married for 27 years with two children, grand children (no I am not that old) and a lot to lose financially if I left my wife. I think I could be happy with my wife if I could spend the effort I am putting into the affair with the OW on my marriage. I am neglecting work, my wife, and I do nothing but sit and talk to the OW, and wait for her next message. I am so tired of the deceit and lies, it makes me sick. I spend all of my energy in this affair that has been going on emotionally for two years and physically for one year.
I know I am a scoundrel and deserve this pain, but if any of who who have been there have any more advice, I could really use some help. Am I just lying to myself ? I need a way to fix things and just don't know how. Any help would be appreciated.
@JudgeMeNot28,
Go to counseling. Go directly to counseling. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
And find out why you're doing this to yourself.
@jespah,
Already there, my counselor says end it and I am the idiot that cannot.
@JudgeMeNot28,
It's waaaaaaaaaaaay too comfortable for you right now.
@jespah,
Yes and it is just a matter of time before the walls come crashing down. That is my fear, either I make the hard decision or someone is going to make it for me. IE (her husband or my wife).
@JudgeMeNot28,
You left out another possibility. It is very convenient to have an affair with someone in another country who is also married. That convenience ends when the realities of every day annoyances of life are involved.
Your problem is not the other woman, or having something on the side, your problem is failing to master the skill of mastering yourself. You should be able to be fully present and functional at work and in your marriage while carrying on the affair. But you are not.
I am assuming that you two do a lot of emails and texts. So how can it be physical, too, if she lives in another country?
@PUNKEY,
We see each other about once a month or so, and text everyday.
@JudgeMeNot28,
Why have you chosen not to block the OW yet?
@ehBeth,
Not yet, I just didn't want to be so cruel. I mean she has feeling too right ? I don't like to hurt anyone, I know I have already done so by getting into this mess, but that seems pretty harsh. I mean that would be the easiest, but I just think of being on the other side of that, I mean I do love the woman. I dunno, I am talking around in circles.. Story of life.
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