I can.
How much does a season ticket cost to watch all Manchester United games at Old Trafford?
I'll check with my son in law and let you know on that Dutchy.
Is there a Saturday bus from Oz to Old Trafford, if I get you one?
No bus unfortunately, but it will be live on TV.
Will you be watching the Cricket World Cup final in the West Indies between Australia and Sri Lank Saturday night?
What a daft question. Of course I will.
Would you like to see Jayasuria (?) spank the Aussie new-ball bowlers for 8 an over during the mandatory power plays?
Spendi if you know anything about cricket you should know that Mahela Jayawardene (Note spelling!!) holds no fear for the Aussie speed-guns and will be lucky to average 2 an over.
Will you be so gracious and accede that this great Australian team is the best you've ever seen after they carry off their 3rd successive World Cup title tonight?
I would most certainly concure on that point Dutchy, they are quite brilliant to say the least.
Would you like to place Spendi behind the wicket?
We'd better not, we could be up for manslaughter.
Do you think Manchester United are capable of winning the Triple crown?
Yes I do. Having the referee as an extra player should easy swing it.
Did Ponting and Clarke run on the wicket twisting their spikes accidentally or was it an agreed strategy to tamper with the pitch?
Admit it 'spendi' you have just seen the greatest cricket team in the world, beating every team they've met, including your mob. Your feeble allegation of wicket tampering is a figment of your imagination, you are trying to denigrate the most competent team the world has ever seen.
Do you suffer from delusions of grandeur?
No.
I remember my father deploring the bodyline (?) bowling that made Oz notorious, are there any such practices now?
Aussies using dubious practices, never, they are the cleanest players in any sport. Give as good as they get but always scrupulous fair.
Do you watch much sport?
Not if I can help it. Passion-killer, I call it, nearly always on late at night.
Do you watch any TV that isn't sport?
Yes.
Do you stoop to obfustication techniques when you're caught red-handed cheating?
Before you ask silly questions spendi, go back to school and learn to spell properly, you don't belong in this league with your level of intelligence.
Have you ever seen the "Man from Snowy River" on TV, Clary?
No, I haven't; should I?
Do you use semicolons correctly?
Yes - but they are not used as much these days, it seems.
Do you know that in Lincoln everyone calls you "duck" as a term of endearment? (and it's driving me quackers).
No. I didn't know either of those things.
Are you easily driven quackers?
By a goose like you, yes.
Are you going to lift your game and be polite to the ladies?
As polite is just another word for greaseballing it is unlikely.
Which is easiest to scuff a cricket pitch up with- spiked boots pushing and twisting or a trowel?
