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Wed 22 Apr, 2015 02:31 am
For the past two years I've had a crush on a guy. We've never talked, we've only been in a class together. A class we filled by staring at each other. Now every few months or so we pass on the street and sort of awkwardly smile at each other. “Just say something,” I imagine the advice will be, but those short and sparse moments we do meet it's like a freight train hits me and then in the blink of an eye I'm at home regretting I didn't say hi and pining for a new opportunity to do so.
It's obvious that we both like each other, but I feel like I might have built this up to something it's not. And it wasn't much to begin with. I know that, but my feelings are my feelings. I've blown off potential dates with guys I've actually talked to, because I felt it wouldn't be fair to them. The reason that this is an issue now is because there's this new guy at work and we joke around and flirt and one afternoon I walk home and pass my crush and we smile at each other and I feel deep down like that single smile is worth more than all the joking and flirting combined. I can't tell anymore if that's love or something misguided and possibly even creepy.
I feel like I'm in limbo, on one hand there's the very unlikely event that someone will say something the next time we pass each other again in say two months time, on the other there's all this potential with other guys, but if I'm really honest, I'm not entirely sure if I care.
(P.S. this post is also one of the problems I have with this entire situation, imagine I do go out with the guy from work and it does develop into something, the feelings and doubts expressed here will always linger beneath the surface, and that makes me feel dishonest and kind of sad really.)
@Daffodil,
You're using this crush to avoid dealing with regular, real people who could make you happy. Or maybe they won't. But you're not living your life. Instead, you're in a safe little crush bubble. There are no risks.
Because if you really wanted your crush, you'd open your mouth. Instead, you are happily locked in a safe cocoon where no one can hurt you.
Break free.
Whether that means talking to this crush (even if you just say, "Good morning" - sheesh, girl, this is not rocket science or weight lifting) or agreeing to go out with this other guy or taking up hang gliding.
But you need to take some risks in your life.
Break free.
@jespah,
That's very astute. I was in a similar situation before and did say something, but I got rejected and it hurt so bad that in order to avoid feeling like that again I seem to have constructed this really weird defense mechanism. I won't talk to my crush because of this fear and I use him to avoid similar fears with other suitors. This is a lot to process... thanks.
@Daffodil,
Daffodil wrote:
For the past two years I've had a crush on a guy. We've never talked, we've only been in a class together. A class we filled by staring at each other. Now every few months or so we pass on the street and sort of awkwardly smile at each other. “Just say something,” I imagine the advice will be, but those short and sparse moments we do meet it's like a freight train hits me and then in the blink of an eye I'm at home regretting I didn't say hi and pining for a new opportunity to do so.
It's obvious that we both like each other, but I feel like I might have built this up to something it's not. And it wasn't much to begin with. I know that, but my feelings are my feelings. I've blown off potential dates with guys I've actually talked to, because I felt it wouldn't be fair to them. The reason that this is an issue now is because there's this new guy at work and we joke around and flirt
and one afternoon I walk home and pass my crush and we smile at each other and I feel deep down like that single smile is worth more than all the joking and flirting combined. I can't tell anymore if that's love or something misguided and possibly even creepy.
I feel like I'm in limbo, on one hand there's the very unlikely event that someone will say something the next time we pass each other again in say two months time, on the other there's all this potential with other guys, but if I'm really honest, I'm not entirely sure if I care.
(P.S. this post is also one of the problems I have with this entire situation, imagine I do go out with the guy from work and it does develop into something, the feelings and doubts expressed here will always linger beneath the surface, and that makes me feel dishonest and kind of sad really.)
If it was meant to happen, it will happen.
@Daffodil,
You might want to examine why this hurt you so badly that you've been effectively paralyzed for two whole years.
Consider this - it wasn't a death. It wasn't someone cheating. It was a rejection. And they happen. The world is not supposed to end when it is someone you don't have a lot of emotional investment in. And you might also want to examine, if you did have a lot of emotional investment in this person from before, just why you did.
Fear can be crippling. Please don't let it run your life.
Daf - imagine it's 6 months from now.
You see him, but now he's walking and talking with another girl. That could have been you, or not - who knows?
Most older folks will tell you that they don't regret the things they DID do, they regret the things they DIDN'T do.
Get up the courage and say hi and just talk to him. That's a good start.
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