Fight at a Dance Recital

cavfancier wrote:

Mothers like that are the reason kids end up in therapy.

I doubt it! With mothers like that, I'd think the kids would end up "gutsy".

0 Replies

Far too many parents use public events (sports, dance recitals) as a way to demonstrate their grasp of their rights.

They are not thinking of the event or of their children--or of anyone else's children. The focus for these folks is on their own dignity, their own convenience, their own glory.

The ghetto horror of being dissed has spread to the so-called middle class. Brawling for these people is acceptable, self-assertive behavior.

Brave New World!

0 Replies

Yeah Miller, they requested this also for the ballet portion of the dance. As that is typical look of a ballerina. No one seemed to take offense to it and seeing the girls were only 4 -5 years, the director did not strictly uphold it.

I thought the whole thing was disgusting. It ruined the recital for many of the children. Luckily my daughter was already lined up for her performance so she did not witness anything. There really is no reason to hit another person. (Even if they are an a** and may deserve it). As adults we should be an example to our children on how to handle conflict. Most parents teach children it is wrong to hit some one else. How are you suppose to teach them not to fight if you are hitting some one yourself?

0 Replies

Miller wrote:

cavfancier wrote:
Mothers like that are the reason kids end up in therapy.

I doubt it! With mothers like that, I'd think the kids would end up "gutsy".

Some would call it gutsy, sure. Others would call the police and charge her with assault and battery. And then others would pick up the first thing they can get their hands on and beat her down to the ground.

0 Replies

Noddy24 wrote:

Far too many parents use public events (sports, dance recitals) as a way to demonstrate their grasp of their rights.

They are not thinking of the event or of their children--or of anyone else's children. The focus for these folks is on their own dignity, their own convenience, their own glory.

The ghetto horror of being dissed has spread to the so-called middle class. Brawling for these people is acceptable, self-assertive behavior.

Brave New World!

Interesting comment and one, I've never seen before. As a person, who grew up in a major urban "ghetto", I'd like to know what "the ghetto horror of being dissed" is all about.

0 Replies

Linkat wrote:

Yeah Miller, they requested this also for the ballet portion of the dance. As that is typical look of a ballerina. No one seemed to take offense to it and seeing the girls were only 4 –5 years, the director did not strictly uphold it.

I thought the whole thing was disgusting. It ruined the recital for many of the children. Luckily my daughter was already lined up for her performance so she did not witness anything. There really is no reason to hit another person. (Even if they are an a** and may deserve it). As adults we should be an example to our children on how to handle conflict. Most parents teach children it is wrong to hit some one else. How are you suppose to teach them not to fight if you are hitting some one yourself?

I couldn't help but wonder if the mothers weren't from the same socioeconomic Boston group that wanted the cup cakes removed from the school lunch. Are they? Also, are they from the same group, whose kids were having oral sex on the school bus, bound for a Boston area school?

I personally have never seen upper middle class people attack teachers physically. I have witnessed other, dirtier tricks against teachers, by these very people. I can't help but wonder, which is worse... the physical approach or the intellectual approach. Can you? Cool

0 Replies

I have found that most kids are shocked and embarrassed when they witness their parents acting like a-holes, whatever socio-economic background they come from.

0 Replies

cavfancier wrote:

I have found that most kids are shocked and embarrassed when they witness their parents acting like a-holes, whatever socio-economic background they come from.

Do you think the offspring from the couple, arrested for participating in the Enron scandal are shocked, that at least one of their parents is going to jail?

How about Dr. Wakil? Was his daughter too shamed to have the stolen money transferred her, before her father's conviction?

Do you think that Martha Stewart's daughter is shocked and embarrassed that her mother acted like an a-hole and will most likely be doing jail time

I don't. This is white-collar crime. I don't think anything would shame or embarrass those involved.

0 Replies

Miller, I happen to know a kid who's father was publicly arrested for 'white collar crime' and I assure you, he didn't want to show his face at school after that. You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but I think you are a little biased on this issue.

0 Replies

cavfancier wrote:

Miller, I happen to know a kid who's father was publicly arrested for 'white collar crime' and I assure you, he didn't want to show his face at school after that. You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but I think you are a little biased on this issue.

You are also entitled to your opinion.

0 Replies

What's the debate here? Whether kids are embarrassed when their parents show out in public? I'll cast my vote and say yes, absolutely. Most kids, that is. But wasn't that a father and son duo last year in Chicago who jumped out of the stands at a baseball game and attacked a player? Wasn't there a young kid involved in that somehow, emulating his asshole daddy?

0 Replies

eoe wrote:

What's the debate here? Whether kids are embarrassed when their parents show out in public? I'll cast my vote and say yes, absolutely. Most kids, that is. But wasn't that a father and son duo last year in Chicago who jumped out of the stands at a baseball game and attacked a player? Wasn't there a young kid involved in that somehow, emulating his **** daddy?

THere were at least 2 hockey games in the New England area, where the fathers went down and attacked the referees ( coaches and players?). One of those involved was killed.

Back to baseball: Last year in the Yankee bullpen, a Red Sox grounds keeper ( and incidentally a school teacher !) was mouthing off against the Yankee pitchers, who were trying to warm up. He "claimed" he was attacked by the two men, and the case went to court.

0 Replies

Miller--

Quote:

Interesting comment and one, I've never seen before. As a person, who grew up in a major urban "ghetto", I'd like to know what "the ghetto horror of being dissed" is all about.

My comment was not intended to be offensive. Perhaps instead of "ghetto" I should have cited "gang member mentality".

We agree, I think, that "dissed" for disrespected in not "Standard English" but has moved from street slang into common comprehension if not common usage.

I read two daily newspapers: One is a very small town, small potatoes paper dealing with the problems of the Poconos, an inbred rural area which is rapidly becoming both diverse and suburban. The other newspaper covers the news of the Lehigh Valley, the third largest urban area in the state of Pennsylvania.

Both papers report kids and young adults--usually, but not always male--justifying assult, property damage, group inflicted chastisement and murder as just retribution for the victim having "dissed" and individual or group.

Ten years ago these kids were all inner city. Now they are inner city and middle class. The Crips, the Bloods and the Soccer Moms and Dads.

In this case the irate mother at the dance recital felt dissed because the door monitor was enforcing the recital rules. She also felt justified in using physical violence against the monitor.

0 Replies

True

0 Replies

I doubt it, this incident is from the same group of people as other cases. Both from the Boston area, but two different towns and too far apart that it is unlikely that the cup cake group would have their child in a dance school where I live. Also too far from the oral sex school bus group - I believe that was in Kingston or a surrounding town.

Well, I saw this woman and man after the recital outside with the police. Granted looks can be deceiving, but they did not have the appearance of upper middle class. They looked a little more like trailer trash.

Yes the one hockey game where one father was killed was in Reading, Mass. That would definitely qualify for upper middle class town.

0 Replies

My kids are grown and gone, but I put up with this very thing throughout their growing up years - with dance recitals/lessons/competitions, football practice, BMX racing circuit, homecoming court, cheerleading, you name it. Always at least one pushy, unreasonable "stage parent" nomatter what the activity was.

The common denominator I noticed throughout all these situations was this: These parents are obviously very disappointed in their own lives for some reason. Maybe their marriage sucks, maybe they weren't "one of the cool kids" when they were growing up, maybe they feel like they could have done better with their own lives in some way.

Well, now they have a child. They don't consider the child an individual person with his/her own wants, likes, needs, talents. They consider the child their own "mini me." They try to make the child everything they missed the chance to be. It's very sad, but in every instance I've experienced this kind of thing, this was quite clearly the case. Some poor soul living his/her child's life vicariously and taking everything that involves their child inappropriately personally and going over the deep end being nasty to another person in defense of themselves/their child (same thing.)

There are a lot of empty, unhappy people out there who see their children as their second chance. A second chance to be popular, a second chance to be smarter, a second chance to be more attractive, a second chance to be anything they never got to be.

I don't know what the answer is, or if there even is an answer, but I've always wondered what happened to these parents when their kids grew up, left the nest and had started their own lives separate from those of their parents. If someone has revolved his/her life around pushing their child for 18-21 years and they're now gone, Mom/Dad are now faced with filling a huge void they've created in their lives. I guess maybe they then move into being pushy obnoxious grandparents(?)

Very, very sad for all concerned. People really need to get a life and let things go. There is, unfortunately, no second chance. Children need to be encouraged to be the best they can be, not the best we wish we had been.

0 Replies

SueZCue, you really touched a nerve in your post. My brother was one of those parents, somewhat. He was never violent at sporting events (that I know of) but he monopolized every conversation, for years, with talk about his wife's son. Johnnie was the smartest, the most athletic, etc. For years he talked of nothing but Johnnie. In college, Johnnie started having trouble. My brother was very quiet about it but when Johnnie would get back on his feet, and he always got back on his feet, oh boy, my brother would pick up where he'd left off with the non-stop praise again. To anyone and everyone who'd listen. He was relentless.
Well, Johnnie is now 31 years old and they've lost him. He disappeared for several months until they tracked him down. He's living in a state-run facility on the other side of town. The director says that he's not on drugs, he's not drinking, he's got a job at a restaurant and he seems okay. But he doesn't want to have much to do with his parents. A birthday card one year, Mother's Day and Father's Day cards this year but he doesn't phone them and they've accepted his wish to be left alone. They don't bother him. It's sad. Very sad. It was more than obvious that my brother was "living Johnnie's life" and putting incredible pressure on him. I could never understand how he could be so unaware of what he was doing.

0 Replies

You're so right, eoe. If parents would realize how destructive this behavior is, they certainly would try not to do it. No one wants to hurt their children and I'm sure your brother meant no harm.

My husband was the same way. He was his parents' "show pony." The one who got straight A's, the one who went to law school, the one who always did what he was told, even to the point that it was ridiculous. I was shocked to see one fourth of July weekend about 10 years ago when we were just dating and had come into town to visit his parents, his mother had chosen his clothes for him and laid them on the bed for him to put on. Then she would pick up the phone, dial it and call a relative he hadn't seen in years, hand him the phone and say, "Talk to aunt Mary! Go ahead!" He was 23 years old!

He also had trouble in college, got in with a bad crowd and got kicked out. He said that his parents were more concerned with what the family was going to think and rather than get him some help, they said, "Just tell everyone you decided to take a year off to study." They always seemed to be more concerned about impressing whoever it was they wanted to impress (I still don't know to this day who that may have been) than helping their kids with problem-solving, and seeking help when it was needed. I think this is another throwback to people who grew up in the 1950's, the "what will the neighbors think" generation. Thank goodness that way of thinking has become a thing of the past. So destructive and so unrealistic.

In the years that followed my husband did what your nephew did. He saw his parents as controlling, overbearing, demanding nutcases who made his life miserable. Sadly, he cut off all contact with them for several years. Thank goodness they patched things up eventually, and this was the way his parents learned to "back off" and let him make his own decisions and choices. It's a shame they had to learn the hard way, but he did start to see things in a more positive light, and all's well in that relationship finally. He says he can take them "in small doses," and if that's what works for him, that's none of my business.

I hope Johnny comes back too. He's about the same age as my husband is. It seems that usually in their early to mid-30's most people start sorting things through and are better equipped to take a step back and take things for what they are. I hope Johnny realizes some day soon that his parents love him and only meant well.

0 Replies

Interesting thought SueZCue. Although my daughter did not see the "fight" she over heard me discussing it with a friend. So of course she asked, "What fight?" I hated having to explain that adults were fighting. I tried to just give her bare bones info and just stated that even adults can make mistakes and do things they should not. I would just prefer to keep her from viewing some ugly things in life as long as I can.

Oh eoe that is such a sad story. Sometimes it is good for parents to hear, so as not to push their children too hard. This just emphasizing my opinion that no matter how much I might prefer an activity, my daughter should be the one to ultimately choose. For instance, as much as I enjoyed watching my daughter at the recital and being proud of her on stage, I will her decided if she wants to continue dancing. During the year when she was attending classes she said, "I don't like dance." I told her she had to finish out the year and attend her recital and after that she could decide whether she wanted to continue or not. I figured after being on stage and dressing up she would love, but no she does not. She prefers T-ball much more. I just look at this way, T-ball is much cheaper than dance!

I also have a nephew who is in a similar situation. His parents have done so much more him that he seems directionless without them. He has had difficulty since completing high school and seems to have no personal drive. My husband having some influence over him has been trying to help out by talking with him even when he has had to be firm and straight forward. Hopefully this will help him to grow up and do some things for himself.

0 Replies

Linkat wrote:

For instance, as much as I enjoyed watching my daughter at the recital and being proud of her on stage, I will her decided if she wants to continue dancing. During the year when she was attending classes she said, "I don't like dance." I told her she had to finish out the year and attend her recital and after that she could decide whether she wanted to continue or not. I figured after being on stage and dressing up she would love, but no she does not. She prefers T-ball much more. I just look at this way, T-ball is much cheaper than dance!

Good for you, Linkat!!

0 Replies

Fight at a Dance Recital

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know