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Once you Cheat, you no longer have a desire for your spouse sexually.

 
 
Reply Wed 15 Apr, 2015 06:20 pm
I am a married man, who has been having an affair with a married woman for 3 years. I am not leaving my wife, and nor is she leaving her husband. Neither one of us are IN love with our spouses, but we don’t mind keeping them around. We don't mind going on trips with our spouses, buying them gifts, spending our money on them, we care if our spouses have eaten, or if they've gotten a good rest,. We still love our spouses, but we are not attracted to our spouses romantically, So the love turns to more of a bestfriend type love.
I know people may say, if you don’t want them, let them go… No.. I need my wife to continue to cook, clean, take care of my kids, wash my clothes, etc.. And Pay her part of the bills.. I am also very familiar with my wife and have a history and children, so I'm not exactly ready for permanent changes. My married lover understands this, because she too has a family... But at night we dream and wish for each other. The wife just caught me at a good time, because if I had known my married lover before I met my wife,. I would have married her instead. In order to make love to my wife, I have to think about my lover, for without doing so, I can't perform... Sometimes I feel sorry for my wife because she thinks I enjoy her, but as soon as she's done.. I set up a day with my lover, so I can feel the real thing.. Even after a business trip, I want to see my lover before I go home.
I look forward to being with my lover. My wife is a bore, but I married her, made a commitment so I put up with her, but that's only to save face because I can’t go and tell my friends and family what I'm doing, how can I just look my wife in the eye and tell her that I don’t want her, without feeling bad for it? I know it's wrong, and i can't just alright hurt someone's feelings... So that's why I cheat, ... To keep from hurting her feelings.
I try to keep it away, but.. It somehow exposes itself whether it be in our treatment toward our spouses (you are always irritated with your spouse, because you're stuck somewhere you don't want to be...Wishing you were with your lover) so you silently compare them,. We can give off the sense that our spouses do nothing right.
My married lover got mad at me once, and told my wife about our affair through social media, (I didn’t care, but...) I had to stop talking to my lover until the air cleared, and then I was right back with her…so I will say this to any married person being cheated on… It doesn’t matter how much you cry, jump up and down, yell, scream until you are blue in the face., the affair will not stop because the spouse found out and their feelings get hurt … it does not stop, even though we will tell you it did!
There’s a difference between "What you want to do,". Versus, "What you are suppose to do",.,Most time our nagging mates are trying to get us to do what we are suppose to do, but we want to do, what we want to do .. which isn't our spouses. And also what our mates don't realize is that their fussing, nagging, and complaining, provides us with the excuse and reason needed to leave for a few moments to be with who we want we. Real talk.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,173 • Replies: 12

 
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Thu 16 Apr, 2015 06:59 am
Pride is an awful thing.
ChurchKei
 
  0  
Reply Thu 16 Apr, 2015 08:09 am
@PUNKEY,
Yes it is. If some only knew, that their spouses only stayed out of pity for them, and obligation. Not love or desire. You force yourself.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 16 Apr, 2015 01:26 pm
@ChurchKei ,
I'm talking about YOUR pride.

You have some self-rightous , self important, self-serving stand in all this - instead of being really honest with others and yourself and moving into a place where you are real and truthful.

If you and this woman are so in love then make it real. Don't blame others because you want to live in a fantasy where you get to wear the victim suit of armor. Poor me.


ChurchKei
 
  0  
Reply Thu 16 Apr, 2015 01:44 pm
@PUNKEY,
Nope! ... I beg to differ...

I have been very clear and upfront with everyone... Especially my wife. Wife chooses to stay around.. Why, I don't know... Ask her for me.

But I still don't see, how I'm being a jerk because my feelings changed?
0 Replies
 
ChurchKei
 
  0  
Reply Thu 16 Apr, 2015 01:48 pm
@PUNKEY,
I am the victim...

My feelings changed, but I can't just tell my wife that because it hurts her feelings Everytime I do.. She would rather ignore it all together. Practically forcing me to try and love her again! (That's what counseling says to me) ...

My wife wants me to force myself to try, but unfortunately, ....

And it's obvious that my heart and mind is somewhere, I can't hide it. No matter how much, my wife wants me to...
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Fri 17 Apr, 2015 03:44 pm
@ChurchKei ,
You are not the victim at all.

You didn't take marriage seriously, obviously she did or else she wouldn't have suggested Counselling.

You also didn't "just" fall out of love. How much effort you actually put into your marriage would be questionable. You had an affair and decided that, that woman was better, sexier perhaps, more lustful and now claim to love her.

A few years down the track you'll be telling your affair lady the same thing. "I don't love you anymore" because you'll do it again and enjoy the new adventure.

Your "wife" should not leave, you should. Hopefully, she will find someone who wants to commit to her. I'm sure throughout your marriage she's done amazing things for you, looked after you. She deserves some respect.
ChurchKei
 
  1  
Reply Fri 17 Apr, 2015 07:14 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
Counseling is asking me to try to force myself to love her again... That is the only reason she could possibly want counseling. To give her a false sense of why I cheated. No.. I will not help her make me lie to myself!...

Actually my wife is more attractive, and I still don't want her, outside of being my friend. The reason why I cheat again and again is because my wife no longer does it for me sexually...

Ive already left her... I cheat on her,. I get sex and friendship somewhere else, the only thing left for my wife is taking care of the kids, and home. She's does things for me yes, so have I... I only stay with her out of my word I gave to her, not because I love her ... She would suggest I stay and work it out, but work out what? Continue to fake like I desire her sexually? If I wanted my wife sexually , I would Never cheat. So how is counseling going to fix something, that I wantEd to do?
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 Apr, 2015 01:59 am
@ChurchKei ,
Did you ever converse with your wife over your desires, needs sexually?

Do you have children?

Did you feel that cheating again and again was the answer? Communication is, so when you felt like cheating the first time, did you consider talking to your wife about your desires sexually?

Looks are skin deep, the beauty is inside.

Maybe she was young, maybe she didn't want to do anything you desired, said no but did you give her a chance?

You're really only taking about YOUR needs.

0 Replies
 
Eliusa
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Apr, 2015 06:10 am
@ChurchKei ,
You will never get with these people in forum anywhere. They do not understand one thing that you Are trying to say thAt sexual desire is not something you can 'work on' if it's not there. Gone! They always trying to make you 'work' on non workable and tell you that marriage must be taken seriously. However point of a person who fell out of love is wasted here. My husband also doesn't want me to leave because I am like a habit and providing convenience for him. But I was shitted on here so much I am glad I am not sensiti e to Internet ****
0 Replies
 
Eliusa
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Apr, 2015 06:15 am
But they keep telling to divorce him and give him chance to be loved. And I keep telling them he doesn't wa me to divorce him and here all this 'counseling' bullshit starting. You had counseling right? So it helped none of your desire for your wife back, right? So my verdict is some people never loved anyone with passion to the point so they understood what we are going trough but they advising us on how to live. Well it's going to get ugly be ready lol
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  2  
Reply Fri 24 Apr, 2015 12:44 am
I couldn't help but notice that the original poster never asked a question. The post even reads like a lecture...so I'm left wondering what the point of it was.
Eliusa
 
  2  
Reply Fri 24 Apr, 2015 07:10 am
@vikorr,
When something like another love happening in someones life - you can't really talk to anyone about it.
So you are going to search for people who are in a same boat just to get it if your chest and see if anyone will chime in and talk to you about it.
He just let his frustration with his wife and overall situation out and it feels better. If so.
0 Replies
 
 

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