Should I trust my gut or my head?! HELP

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My name is Sarah and I am torn between my gut feeling and my head Sad

I know it is a long story but you would really help me with your advice!

To make a long story short: I know this guy for 4 years and we dated for like 7 months and stayed in touch even though we were dating other people. In between relationships we sometimes hooked up or had fun with our friends.

Recently he broke up with his gf and we started seeing each other to watch tv and have sex. I never told him no until last weekend. He texted me that he wanted to see me and send me nudes but couldnt make it because he had to work late and we should meet up soon. When I went to sleep I saw he was online and it was like 4 in the morning so I thought that was weird because if you had to work late and start early you wouldnt be online that late?!! The next day he texted all the things he wanted to do with me if he could leave early from work.. He wanted to have a chat with a drink etc.. I was joking around and saying if he couldnt be with me tonight I will contact someone else because I was excited.

When I was already asleep he texted me he was on his way home and an hour later he texted he was home. I woke up 2 hours later and texted that I already thought that we couldnt meet up. The next day I already felt something was wrong, like a gut feeling. He ignored my text at first. And even when I told him I didnt like the fact that we didnt had seen each other the night before he acted weird and said: why? You did text someone to come over last night right? I denied but he refuse to believe saying I was making stuff up and saying sorry he couldnt believe me.

After that conversation he become distant. So I texted him on Monday what's up and he told me he was seeing someone else and I needed to find someone else if I wanted to hang out or have sex with someone. I told him I think its weird if he wanted to come over and texted me all this stuff and now he is serious with someone in like 24 hours? He said he is sorry and I havent heard from him since.

Something tells me his story doesnt add up. My gut felt like something was wrong but my head thinks his story is bs. If he wanted to hang out only 1 day before how can it be he is way to serious with another girl now? My friends think he is playing hard to get and isnt seeing someone else, but Im not sure...

Im not in love with him nor I want a relationship with him. I just want him to be honest with me and come over like he used to do.

What do you think? You would help me a lot by telling me how you feel about this. Thanks a lot!!!!

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[+3] - roger - 04/09/2015Agree, but note that I'm online at 3:30 a.m.

@sakinley,

Hi sakinley

Regardless of whether or not you two are FWB's in short. This guy wants his cake and eat it too.

He doesn't want any other guy near you, maybe for fear of getting something, maybe for being controlling as in "you're mine but I don't want anything else from you". But the bottom line is, you put his nose out of joint by stating that you would find an alternative sex partner, he took that as reality that you actually sleep with others.

Think about it. He is on line, checking out and talking to others, probably doing the same thing sending nude photos, hooking up and then there is you, what a great life he has of no commitment. But, the minute he thinks you may be doing the same thing he's out of there.

Quote:

Im not in love with him nor I want a relationship with him. I just want him to be honest with me and come over like he used to do.

Remember, no guy is on line at 4am if he has to work. You want a commitment but not a relationship. He wants a FWB who won't sleep with anyone else. And he wants to also play the field and sleep around.

Think of STD's, think of finding someone who actually loves you, think of him sleeping with others as well, then you...

Think sweet.

3 Replies

@FOUND SOUL,

Agree, but note that I'm online at 3:30 a.m.

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

Thanks for your reply!!

He is afraid of STD's so we always have had safe sex and he doesnt sleep around with other girls because he is afraid of getting a bad name around girls. At least that is what he says and I always believed him because I know him for such a long time, maybe that is naive.

I dont want a relationship because I have a busy life but I want him to be there in the weekends because he is the only one I can be myself with without judgement. We always have a good time and that is hard to lose.

What is your take on 'him seeing someone else'?
Could it be a lie so I step up my game? Or the other way around and he wants to cut off contact because he thinks I sleep around? I think he knows Im not that kinda girl cause Im not

1 Reply

@roger,

LOLS

(Edit) but your addicted to A2K Wink

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

I could quit anytime I wanted to. I just don't want to - barring the late night spam, of course.

1 Reply

@sakinley,

Okay on the last line.

Then if he "knows" what type of girl you are, he's marking his territory and more than likely if you grovel he will come back.

Do you want to grovel? He's treating it as a relationship. There are no strings attached BUT, you can not see anyone else but he can do what he wants.

You are being naïve because you couldn't have been asleep at all. You for what ever reason checked the internet and found him on line at 4am. So either you don't want him to be with anyone else "and believe him" or you secretly have feelings for him and you're in denial.

You are going to have to be honest with yourself with this thought, you really are.

Secondly...

You can also find a boyfriend that is happy to text during the week, make a call ( they should call) and see you only on the weekend and trust that person as you're in a relationship and have a sexual relation that is more real.

Thirdly I really had a small giggle. Regardless of age, I don't recall any guy that worried about what girls thought of him as a sleaze etc, "unless" he likes a certain girl and doesn't want her to know what he's up to, he's a good boy or has one.

Quote:

What is your take on 'him seeing someone else'?

Quote:

Could it be a lie so I step up my game?

What are you afraid of? If you don't love him, it doesn't matter. There are a million guys out there that you can enter the same relationship with... And feel that you can be yourself. It's called being assertive.

I have this gut feeling you are hiding information such as feelings Wink

1 Reply

@roger,

REBEL!

0 Replies

@FOUND SOUL,

Im being honest, I am.

I dont have feelings for him like I want to be his gf, but in the past 4 years I never met a guy I have this connection with.. like I said I can be myself around him. Normally when I have this kind of FWD kinda thing with a guy, they eventually fall in love with me or I fall in love with them.

With this guy it is different, we hang out and really have fun like friends and not trying to impress each other. Sometimes we dont talk for 2 or 3 days and its fine. Maybe it is selfish of me to think this way but it works for me. Throughout the week I dont have to give him that much attention because we are both busy but in the weekend I want him around me to have fun with,

And I saw he was online at 4am because I wanted to send him a goodnight text with a photo of me with his friends at the bar. Like: see what you are missing, we wish you were here. But I didnt send the photo because I felt like he was wasn't being honest about why he couldnt meet up with me that night. My friend who was with me that night said I shouldnt be so paranoid because maybe he woke up or needed to pee and checked his phone for messages.

I hate the fact that my gut and my head say something completly different but you help me because I think he is done with me and wants to hook up with other girls whatever the reason might be .

1 Reply

@sakinley,

I get you Sarah, you're not ready for a relationship busy probably means work-a-holic and enjoying the freedom of just being you..

This is true one always falls for the other but maybe you have this "understanding' can I ask how old you both are?

It seems therefore that you are assertive and know what you want but it doesn't always work out that way. Maybe he's picked up on your assertiveness? Love it when people add info. Maybe he feels that he's being used and it's not the way he thought.

Honesty is always the best policy no games.

He's not yours. He may want to hook up with someone else alternatively or as well.

He's not yours. He may have a lady that he wants to impress and keeps a low profile.

He doesn't want you seeing anyone else. That's not fair, you are after all FWB's.

That's selfish.

Then again for what you are stating here you are selfish as well, as you want him every weekend regardless as it suits you.

See where this needs an Adult conversation between the pair of you?

You've known him for 4 years if you can't have an adult conversation and treating this as what do I do or say? Then you both don't know each other at all.

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

FOUND SOUL wrote:

Hi sakinley

Regardless of whether or not you two are FWB's in short. This guy wants his cake and eat it too.

...

Seems to me that that's working both ways in this case...

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

I wish I could have an adult talk with him. I am 24 and capable of having such conversation. He is 22 and doesnt wanna talk on an adult level, he keeps calling it drama and Im being a neg if I want to talk about what he wants. His answer is always: I dont know what I want 100% and why mess with something that works?

He said: "I dont want to be in an exclusive relationship and I want to have fun so I dont want to have this kind of conversations because I dont want us to have feelings for each 0ther again because if we were meant to be it would not take us almost 4 years to figure that out. Im afraid that things will get back to where we used to be and we broke up so we are going to break up anyway. I dont wanna get hurt and I dont want to hurt you"

So I told him that I didnt want a relationship but I think its funny that we always come back to each other after we break up with someone else and dont hang out with others (for as far as I know) and he told me that it was funny indeed but he didnt know if it meant something..

That was probably the most adult conversation we had the past few weeks.

1 Reply

@FBM,

Quote:

He doesn't want you seeing anyone else. That's not fair, you are after all FWB's.

That's selfish.

Then again for what you are stating here you are selfish as well, as you want him every weekend regardless as it suits you.

I think I stated that in my last post.

This is something they have to work out by speaking to each other.

1 Reply

@sakinley,

Quote:

I wish I could have an adult talk with him. I am 24 and capable of having such conversation. He is almost 22 and doesnt wanna talk on an adult level, he keeps calling it drama and Im being a neg if I want to talk about what he wants. His answer is always: I dont know what I want 100% and why mess with something that works?

Apparently we are 4 years older than a man in maturity. Not sure what occurs when we reach 50+. Think we are all reverted back to kids with maturity hard to explain.

He's a "kid" not ready for a relationship has a good feel with you and doesn't want to turn it into a relationship, the Chemistry between you is hot and there is no commitment...

Quote:

because if we were meant to be it would not take us almost 4 years to figure that out.

It's sexual ..

Quote:

Im afraid that things will get back to where we used to be and we broke up so we are going to break up anyway. I dont wanna get hurt and I dont want to hurt you"

He has "some" respect for you but fears you are falling for him.

Quote:

So I told him that I didnt want a relationship

You actually got that bit.

Quote:

but I think its funny that we always come back to each other after we break up with someone else and dont hang out with others

Quote:

and he told me that it was funny indeed but he didnt know if it meant something..

Then he realised you didn't. You want more. That's his thoughts in my opinion. Trying to cover thinking you like him too much and are getting attached.

Quote:

That was probably the most adult conversation we had the past few weeks.

He believes you've fallen for him.

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

Yep. I missed that bit.

1 Reply

@FBM,

You're correct though and she needs to hear it FBM.

1 Reply

@FOUND SOUL,

It never hurts to also guage oneself by the criteria with which you guage others. Wink

0 Replies

@FOUND SOUL,

WOW haha he told me before he was afraid that I would fall for him again but I told him like a million times that I dont like him and dont even want to have a relationship with him..

So you saying this makes sense, like for real. Surprised

But does he really would make up him dating someone else so I would stop texting him? That would be sad, soooo sad..

What should I do now? Ignore him?

0 Replies

He doesn't understand you.
He doesn't love you.
Now - He doesn't even want to be F#(K -buddies with you.

THAT's what you are pouting about.

Move on to another guy who just wants to play around. This time, find an older man who can figure out your life style and life plan.

It's too confusing for a young man to figure out.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

I understand what you are saying. Guess you are right

I just dont understand why he or the situation changed just like that..

1 Reply

Should I trust my gut or my head?! HELP

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