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Why is he doing this and will he call?

 
 
Reply Tue 7 Apr, 2015 12:51 am
So i recently went through a breakup. I have been talking to someone on a dating site for about 4months.This is not any dating site, but specific to my community. We had a very deep connection and always talked about our future. On tuesday, march 24 we had a small fight. That was the week when i was very stressful because i had a lot of school work to finish and he was helping me out till 5 am. SO on that day, he asked if he could go to sleep since he was tired. I made a big deal out of it but then i said okay go to sleep i will call later. then I realized i was acting very selfish and it wasnt right. I decided i would let him sleep and let him call me when he woke up and then apologize. The next day i woke up i got this long text msg from him saying that he had booked a flight to see me and it was a suprise but i showed him it is always about me and that I made him him feel guilty for not helping and that we are not meant to be we should move on. I called and called and texted and texted but no response. The next day he tried calling at 5:30 in the morning but i was sleeping i didnt hear the phone. Then i returned his call but no response. I even sent flowers but still nothing. I dont understand why he he acted like this. He took it to such an extreme. I apologized so much but what else could i do. I cant believe he is able to ignore me like this it has been 12 days now and nothing. I never met him but i thought he really loved me. He told me i meant so much to him, he loved me and that he couldnt imagine a future without and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He got me flowers every month on my period, bought me a tiffany bracelet for valentines and even got me cupcakes. He did all this for me and he even wrote me poems saying he promised never to leave. I felt like everything he said was a lie because he said we should about things and that he doesnt believe in divorce. Yet, now he is acting like this. He is 34, lives in england and is a psychotherapist. I didnt expect this. I am so sad i have decided ill send him a fair well letter this weekend. Its so hard to move on but if i meant so much to him and he can move on easily then hopefully i can too. It just hurts so much.
 
jespah
 
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Reply Tue 7 Apr, 2015 05:27 am
@brightstar111111,
Who knows?

He sent you a lot of expensive gifts (which is interesting when a relationship is purely online - the laying out of $$ is often a sign of serious interest and intent).

But for him to get this insane about one small fight (and, BTW, you had studying and all and he kept you up late yet you didn't treat him like a pariah afterwards, eh?) speaks a lot more about his intent.

I doubt he meant any of it. He was probably looking for a way to end it, and has now blocked you.

I'm sorry.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
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Reply Tue 7 Apr, 2015 07:30 am
Have you even SEEN this guy? Skyped?

I would hope a 34 year old man (who is supposed to be in the mental health field) would not play such games, but I get surprised every day.

He does not even sound like he exists and is who he says he is. Convince me.
brightstar111111
 
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Reply Tue 7 Apr, 2015 01:50 pm
@PUNKEY,
Yes we facetimed every single day so i know what he looks like. I even know his address and where he works so that's why i know he is real and exists but I just dont know why he would play stupid games like this knowing his a therapist.
FOUND SOUL
 
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Reply Tue 7 Apr, 2015 03:16 pm
@brightstar111111,
brightstar, I don't think I've encountered any of my ex's sending me flowers every time I had my period. I find that bizarre.

You may "know" that he is real as in his name, face all matching, real. But, I doubt in 4 months you know that "he is real", as in intent, married, single, 34 years of age, if you were the only one he Skyped, sent gifts to, was going to get on a plane to meet. His accommodation would be nil, mostly food nil, for some flowers and a bracelet.

You kept him up, he has to work, until 5am. You're studying, he has a job, probably successful enough, maybe he saw that this would be an ongoing thing and not what he set out to do.

I smell a rat. Any man that can try the " I had booked a flight to see you" and then ditched you, suggests to me the blame game, his way out.

You don't owe him any letter what so ever.

Be careful in the Internet Dating World.



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PUNKEY
 
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Reply Fri 10 Apr, 2015 06:51 am
Can you explain what being from your "community" means?

Is this people who share a certain cultural or religious affiliation?

I hope you date others. He does not sound like he's capable of having a REAL relationship with you, since he's keeping you at a distance. You are, in fact, the same as one of his patients.
brightstar111111
 
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Reply Mon 13 Apr, 2015 10:21 pm
@PUNKEY,
He did call and things are back to normal. Thanks for the advices
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Violet35
 
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Reply Fri 12 Feb, 2016 08:39 pm
@brightstar111111,
It sounds like narcissistic abuse. Phase one: they love bomb you. Gifts, attention, constant contact 2) Start to devalue you, or don't have enough time for you. 3) Dump and Discard - once you serve their purpose, they dump you, and go no contact to make you feel as shitty as possible. Lot s of psychotherapists are narcissists, too. So don't let his profession fool you. It sounds a little half-baked, if he's buying Tiffany & Co. jewelry, and never bothered to give it to you, in person. Are there no available women that he can date? He has to do an online thing? It is ALL FANTASY. The other option is, this is a pout and control tactic. He pouts for a few days after a dramatic , over the top "break-up," only to show up when he's damned good and ready, just to have you crawl back. I wouldn't put up with his tantrum. Test it. Go GRAY ROCK/NO CONTACT. Stop trying to contact him, and see how fast he shows up with some outrageous story about how he "needed time to rethink it all, and how much he really loves you, but it scared, blah blah blah." It's pretty predictable. I would wager real cash that he's playing a mind torture game. It's ALL about the game, and YOU are his SUPPLY.
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