is it okay for guys in long-term relationships to view porn?

Many guys in long term relationships view porn. Whether this is okay or not is between you and him. I don't think you should feel threatened by people he will never ever meet.

You will always be better than someone he can never meet.

Since you are away at college, you are not always available. Consider this: it beats (heh, pun a little intended) the hell out of him cheating on you with a real person.

Is he doing this when you are around? It apparently bothers you, so if so, he is being rude.

What he does on his own is his business, but when you are willing and available, why is he wanking off by himself?

My advice is to let it go. I understand that you feel threatened by it. More importantly, so does he. His personal habit is something that obviously predated your relationship.

He and you are still intimate and happy with lovemaking, right?

But this could be a matter that's more about your self-esteem. His privacy in this matter is also important. You are clear about his character, right? He is not a cheater and people that watch porn are not cheaters per se...just because they watch porn.

If your intimate life doesn't suffer, enjoy his love and your life and don't allow a false threat to get in the way of your happiness.

This is never the answer.

If you are unable to handle the reality that people who are in relationships masturbate, then you might want to consider if you are ready to be in a relationship. It's a normal part of sexuality.

90%+ of men watch porn. Not every day, or all the time, but from time to time, everyone loves to see some.

I wouldn't consider this something abnormal about your boyfriend at all. In fact, it's much much better for him to be evacuating his fantasies alone in the bathtub than with some other woman.

I'm curious who caught him

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anyways - based on your other posts he's 19 years old

he's a normal young man with a healthy interest in sex

leave him to enjoy himself

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does he have sex with you? do you enjoy your sex life? if the answers are yes and yes, let him enjoy his porn

Yes. Having orgasms is a normal bodily function that needs to be attended to. And attending to it by looking at pictures isn't adultery.

I disagree.

When she is around, he ought to control himself.

When she is gone, go for it.

Even when our boys were little they were told to go into another room if they wanted to touch themselves. It's not fair to assume others want to watch or are interested.

If they have mutual bathroom walk-in priveleges, that complicates things, doesn't it?

God - isn't anything PRIVATE or PERSONAL any more?

according to the original post, he is trying to do this privately

in fact - she doesn't know he is, other than the caught in the tub instance - she is assuming he is masturbating based on his internet viewing habits
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she's the one that seems to be breaching privacy barriers

he doesn't even want to watch porn with her

You may want to re-read Nephalem's original post. The thought of him going for it while she's gone is part of what bothers her.


See?

Really? There are relationships that work this way?

I have had a number of intimate relationships, including a marriage. None of them included a partner who would walk in while I was having private time in the bathroom.

The idea of walking in on a partner who was defecating is not appealing to me. In any of my relationships I would respect a closed bathroom door (or at least knock first).

Maybe I am naive.

OK lets see if I got this right... he's in the BATHTUB viewing porn and jerking off? A laptop? Smartphone? IN THE BATH TUB???? Must be a very dexterous and determined fellow! (Hope he has insurance on those devices)

Really Glujohn? You have never viewed porn without an electronic device?

The kids these days.

Call me crazy, butI dont make a habit of bringing ANY electric devicess into the bathtub/shower.

In a sense it's indeed virtual infidelity, but more enlightenedly it's just a healthy sexual appetite. We shouldn't expect to be the beginning and end desire for our intimate partners. No one has everything in one body afterall. So seeing the variety and possibility is not just natural and normal, but healthy. Think of it another way, if everyone was naked all the time you'd be looking and fantasizing too but it wouldn't then be unusual to look and admire others. By virtue of our all being clothed though what we enjoy seeing is hidden which only makes it more alluring and desireable. That we call porn "porn" in the first place denotes a disapproval of it. Does mean afterall 'language of whores.'

Instead of seeing porn as a threat to our relationships we should demystify it and accept it more. Growing up most children experiemnt with smoking, drinking, drugs, and sex for no other reason than they're all forbidden. Forbid something and you only increase the desire for it. Make it available and acceptable though and it become unremarkable, less desired, and consequently, less of a problem.

If you forbid your partners something all you do is force them to consider leaving you to pursue it, or pursue it secretly. Allow them anything and everything (within reason hehe) and they have options. And often times having only the option can help us refrain from pursueing things. Like that last cigarette in the pack. Knowing it's there you may be able to go much longer without smoking it than if you know you're out and have to get more.