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Mon 30 Mar, 2015 11:41 pm
We have been married 18 years. Our sexlife has always been active. In the last few years I have become very insecure for various reasons....possible emotional or more affair but no proof. Since we quite drinking as much we don't have as much sex and when we do its his preference. He will ask me to remove clothing etc. the sex always seems to be more on the naughty side. I know how important sex is to him and I try hard but get tired of "same bat time, same bat channel". I would really like more intimate sex but he always has an excuse. I just want him to come to bed and make love to me and I have made this very clear to him. But there is just no effort on his part. I have had to manipulate him by coming to bed naked and making him touch my breasts or things of that nature that get him aero used but I want him to initiate it because I want to feel like he really wants me. Our marriage has had its share of problems and I have tried very hard to meet his needs. I think it's totally unfair and selfish of him to not do the same for me.
@trustbutconfirm,
You need marriage counseling. Talk to an impartial professional about what's going on. If he won't go with you, then go alone.
Not an unusual occurrence for an 18 year marriage.
He's on the downside and you are just getting into your sexual prime. He might have some sexual anxiety, and a wham, bam, thank you ma'm is his way to complete the act. Plus, he probably used alcohol as a stimulant/relaxant all those years. He probably never learned how to make love to a woman.
You are going to need more stimulation and prep time. He needs to learn how to spice up your love life by being more attentive.
Suggest a romantic weekend. Re-do the bedroom. Make a designated date night. Tell him things are going to be slowed down and more romantic. VERBALIZE this instead of showing him.
@trustbutconfirm,
trustbutconfirm wrote: He will ask me to remove clothing etc. the sex always seems to be more on the naughty side.
I just want him to come to bed and make love to me and I have made this very clear to him.
it sounds like he wants to be more playful and you want to ****
counselling around the differences in your sexual styles might be helpful
@ehBeth,
No I feel like its sorta the other way around. He wants to **** and I want to make love.
@trustbutconfirm,
That's not what you posted.
____
In any case, you're coming from different places sexually and need help with that. I don't think either of you is wrong for having different sexual needs - you just have to sort out whether there is a way for both of you to get what you need within your current relationship.
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