Reply
Mon 21 Jun, 2004 03:32 pm
While I am sure we've all felt the strain of life, the bogginess of the daily routine, the relentlessness of 'I have to do for so & so' and the utterly unfailing list of 'I didn't get ______ done'. This is me - totally me and totally now.
I love my kids.
I love my husband.
I love my job. (almost, but not strictly, always in that order)
Today I got off at noon and came home to a totally ransacked home because my husband could not find his W2s from past years (yes, it is house hunting time) - nevermind the fact that I said "honey, you can EASILY get them from the payroll dept at the schoolboard." He did not listen, consequently, I know have 2 huge rooms to clean. One of us is a teacher (guess who after that last sentence) and has been home ALL DAY FOR THE PAST 3 WEEKS. I will be cooking dinner tonight - again.
I am just tired. I'm tired of the daily routine of life. I'm tired of doing all the things we have to do just because we're alive. While I'm not despondent nor am I depressed I know when I get up in the morning I'm going to think "Damn, again?" Normally I think "Thank you Lord, for another day". I need a vacation. From my man, from my kids, from my job, from my entire life.
Have you ever felt like this? Moms out there - have you? Dads out there - have you? Wives out there - have you? Husbands out there - have you?
My husband did not understand what I was talking about. I told him I just want to wake up one day and not HAVE to wake up. I want to wake up with the freedom of lying in that same spot until the sun comes down and not feel bad about it. Granted, because of my being me, I could never do that - but I would like to taste the liberty of that sort of freedom just once - maybe twice. What was said to me? "you can do that, on saturdays - except for what...the girls?" DUH!!!! That's my point!!! Not to mention that even if I don't get up early, if I get up before he does - he will say 'hey baby, what's for breakfast' and look bewildered if the response isn't 'sausages, eggs, pancakes (or biscuits) yadda yadda yadda. Why is not my plight understood?
However, I do have an outlet. Dear ol' ma. I called her. She totally understood. She told me that I could come up for a weekend & bring the girls. She would take care of them and let me just hang out. I love you mom. I love you.
For any ladies out there that feel like this, let me just say to you that my mom says its okay for you to take a vacation from your life. She said that it was okay to feel this way and that more people feel it than actually say it.
Heh, you don't need to be a parent to feel that way.
And yeah, I know what you mean.
Dammit why don't I have anything to wear for an interview? My purse strap broke! Why is all the salad in the bag wilted? Eeek why is the laundry suddenly piled sky high? Oy, why's the bank account so tiny and when is payday again? Why's the car making that funny sound? Stupid next door neighbors were partying all night and we didn't get any sleep! Why the hell are they now playing wiffle ball on OUR lawn? Dammit why's the garbage all over the front walk? Stupid raccoons got into the neighbor's trash and now there's flat beer on the irises ....
Yadda yadda yadda you get the idea.
I like your Mom's attitude. :-D
Seems like a bit of an uneven distribution of tasks there, Onyx.
Oh my goodness. I could have written what you did. I just came back from vacation - with my entire family - 2 young kids and my husband flew across country to meet up with even more family. I agree..before I left for vacation I felt like - I need a vacation from my husband and my kids and work. While on vacation, I felt like I need a vacation from my husband and kids. It makes me feel terrible to say it because I truly do love my family, but they do drive me crazy some times.
While on vacation I chased around 2 kids out of their element so they act up and get spoiled much more than at home. My husband after getting away from us for a bit has the nerve to get upset at me because one kid was getting into trouble, stuff like that going on for over a week. Overall we had a good time, but I am exhausted. While I was feeling especially worn out, I decided I would take a secret day off from work. Seeing I will be entering a busy time at work, this day will have to be last minute (whenever I can get ahead). I plan on not telling anyone at home. Leave the kids with their normal care and tell my husband I am at an all day outside seminar. Is that terrible? But honestly I think it would help me feel much better.
do it linkat.
tell me how your day gos. PM me after you take it.
I wish I were brave like you. I want to call in tonight for tomorrow, but I don't want to stay home - grrrr.
Well I will onyxelle, but it may be a month or two before I can take a day for myself. Since I just came back from being out over a week. I think I will plan it some time in July.
you know soz, i thought a lot about you while I was writing this. this is like, my longest post EVER. LOL But I did hear rather than the diary, b/c I wanted to know if anyone else felt like this. Since I talked to my mom and know that she's got my back I feel 100% better.
I guess it's just about knowing that there is someone out there who supports you no matter what. Have you ever felt this soz?
> big sigh of relief <
I am not alone.
I am a new mom. Just a 3 month old daughter.. and dam*it if I dont feel that everyday. Same scenerio... only I am a stay at home mom. Simply because it is easier for me to go to school AND take care of baby with out a job. Such is life...
Run away from home? sure. I need a vacation from wanting a vacation.
My husband woke up last night to our daughter crying for her bottle... rolled over, bumped me and said , Melissa.. she is crying... do something.
and went back to sleep......
why does it seem that everyone in a house will do nothing for a child if thier mom is present? where does it say that only the mother can get off her as* and give her kid what she needs?
If I lived in Florida Oxy... I would run away with you for a day and we would go to the beach , take some rubber bands, shoot people, then eat ice cream until we got brain freeze , write stupid things on the bathroom walls , giggle like we were 14 and never tell anyone.
:wink:
I hate it when my post comes out twice.. uggghhh
BUT .. now I can say this..
Your post made me think and I am going to sit down with my husband and play the " what if " game.. the what if I didnt do this .. and what if I didnt do that.. hopefully before I am done I would have made my point of how things are unbalanced and MAYBE get a break?
Have you done this yet? how did you handle it?
The unconditional support, or the TIRED?
What's ironic about it is that I had just finished writing to a friend about how busy I was and how as I was writing that the sozlet was hanging on me and then I happened to check new posts and saw this, and was like nodding emphatically as sozlet continued to treat me like a human jungle gym, and I had to go 'cause I'd told her "just a minute!" eighteen thousand times, and she was impatient.
But left the window open, and when we got back wrote my post without seeing the others.
My hubby was just out of town for several days and sozlet and I got in a bad pattern -- usually I'm whupped but I'm generally happy to see her/ be with her, but I MUST have time to myself. Hubby usually helps provide that. When he was gone, no family in the vicinity, good friends nearby but they're going through their own crisis right now and I didn't want to impose, there was this bad, self-perpetuating thing where sozlet was clingy, that'd make me want her to get off of me already, that would make her insecure and clingy, which would make me even grumpier... etc.
I took lots of deep breaths and got through it, but it was bad.
I had a dental appt. this morning so hubby stayed home until like noon and now has to work late -- he only got home last night and I didn't have nearly enough decompression time. So as I write this she's runing amok, something to do with the down comforter and the measuring tape. Oh, she's just measuring it. That's fine. Kinda cute.
Much better than when she went through my desk drawers and took out EVERY SINGLE THING while I shielded my eyes and tried to regain a bit of sanity online.
Anyway, long and ranty from me, but yep I understand completely.
OK now the kissing has started -- she used to grab my arm while I was typing and it was super annoying so I told her it was UNACCEPTABLE and so now the way she gets my attention is by kissing my arm. :-? Sounds cute, can be awfully irritating, itself.
Why dont we women just run away for a day or two?
Shall we meet up in Milan???? hahaha
I just re-read (sozlet's off doing stuff on her own) and I have to say I'm lucky in that my husband does a lot, well lucky plus hard-assed. :-D But a lot of what you guys are talking about he knows he would NOT get away with, ever. (This is part of why things suck so bad when he's GONE... hmm, I wonder if that's part of his evil plan to make me appreciate him more... <pondering>) Is some re-negotiation of household responsibilities a possibility?
we do talk about that over and over again.... he always says.. yes dear. im sorry dear blah blah blah... then if he doesnt get it done when he needs to he complains that IM complaining... I think me and Ony may have husbands that are brothers. heheheh they just dont know it.they really do sound alot alike. :-)
I know Soz's husband works incredible hours and she has chosen for the nonce to be at home, but I see others having jobs or school time equivalent, let's say, to the husband's work week.
I don't get it if the guy doesn't help, just don't understand it. I am sheltered, I was a only child and pretty self entertaining (in my memory, heh), and in my own marriage, my husband did help out a lot - as well he should have, I was the one both working and going to school, he was home writing scripts, plays, etc. that ended up, over time, not being funded, although we got damn close to big time. We split stuff to do. No we didn't have children, so I know that is another whole bag of beans, but I still don't get that one person in so many instances does all the stuff that needs to be done around the home, except in a situation like Soz's.
I know sometimes there are power situations, where, let's say, one person, the woman, wants charge of the house, and then maybe the guy doesn't want to be the told-what-to-do person. That would rankle me too if I were the guy. As the Melissa, she's crying would rankle me too, in your situation, shewolf (you are in school too, right?)
Well, never mind how the hours equate, I think a little help would be a good thing.
I remember though going over to a friend's house once. She has a long time marriage now. At the time their children were probably late teens, but she also did a lot of volunteer work, head of the local red cross emergency action thing, and so on. Her husband (a successbul business person) came in and she started with the list of things he needed to take care of and hurry up, with a quite decisive tone, and thought to myself, oooh, geez. But it seems he likes her like that. Loves her like that.
It was an eyeopener for me, my ex and I always had a mix of independent action and discussed the inbetween things that needed to get done, sans conflict, not to glorify it, it just happened easily. Together we got stuff done.
Anyway, our marriage didn't founder about household work
so I guess I am spoiled about that. I am a little wide eyed that people, not just you, Onyx, take the unequal work as "life". We had, while it was working and that was a couple of decades, a sense of ourselves as a team...
I don't mean to sow discontent. Just talking across the miles.
Amen, sisters.
Mr. Noddy is 67 years old. He has many admirable qualities. Unfortunately at his age, I'm not going to cure any of his little quirks. What I've got, I've got.
Remember, I'm on crutches? I'm also the one to answer the telephone. The dog knows full well that she can count on Daddy Dearest for belly rubs and cookies and many restorative naps. She counts on me for food and water and a clean toilet (we call it The Spring) and opening the doors to the Ladies' Comfort Station and Rest Room (no matter which side of the door she is on).
Mr. Noddy makes his own lunch. I make sure the ingredients for the lunch are in the refrigerator. I clean up after Mr. Noddy's lunch.
Now I will give Mr. Noddy points for putting his clothes in the hamper. The first Mr. Noddy felt that picking up dirty underwear was a woman's job.
I keep the checkbook. I keep the calendar. I do the laundry and the mending--but if he wants ironing, he irons.
This Mr. Noddy runs the vacuum cleaner. He hasn't done so for five weeks because he's been busy making the world safe for Roomba (the little robot cleaning critter). A few other chores for the home handyman have also been waiting for five weeks....five months....five years....
Mr. Noddy respects my fine mind. He'll stand around two corners and holler, "What do you want me to do with this?" All men stand around the corner and holler, "What do you want me to do with this." All women suffer.
Marriage is for better and for worse. Retirement is for better, for worse and for lunch.
Onyxelle, your mother is a gem and a jewel and a treasure. Your mother has wisdom. Please, when you have survived the present, pass her wisdom down the ages.
Hold your dominion.
onyxelle,
Can your mom adopt me? Please?
(Onyxelle's mom is gettin herself a passel o' new kids...)
This is something to keep in mind though for when my daughter grows up, what a gift.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace