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How to stop being a bully?

 
 
L11
 
Reply Mon 23 Mar, 2015 12:28 pm
I know this kinda sounds silly but I've been a bully at school (I am In my last year of school before college) and want to try and stop (as my grades are falling too) but don't know how to.
Reasons I became a bully:
1. Homeproblems (parents split up, brother bullies me at home)
2. I get bullied my self I think but only when teachers turn there back or go outside because I get:
1. Things thrown at me
2. People that sit behind me kick my chair on purpose (i'm not sure if this is bullying or not)
3. People say i'll get aids because i'm type 1 diabeties, my friend only likes me because she can't see me (this isn't true as my friend is partially blind)
4. People say stuff outside of school (From and to school. They tripped me up once)
Any tips on how I should stop?
 
View best answer, chosen by L11
jespah
  Selected Answer
 
  6  
Reply Mon 23 Mar, 2015 12:47 pm
@L11,
Recognizing that you should stop is a good first step.

  1. If your brother is bullying you, tell your parents. Even split up, they should not be tolerating this.
  2. Don't bully others back. Go to your teachers or the principal if you're bothered.
    • Don't throw things back. Tell your teachers.
    • Sit in the back row and no one will be able to kick your chair.
    • Don't listen when people say stupid stuff. They're only proving their ignorance. You need not react or respond.
    • People saying stuff outside of school should be reported to your teachers or Facebook (possibly both).

Essentially, you need to reinvent your reactions. But fortunately, you're about to go off to college. You should be able to reinvent yourself there, too, as you have no past there. It's a clean slate.
L11
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Mar, 2015 01:34 pm
@jespah,
@Jespah my brother (older) doesn't get told off when I tell my parents
I find it hard to tell teachers/head of year about problems (i'm quite shy in real life).
The back rows tend to be filled up or there is already a seating plan in the classes I'm in. + I need to sit at the front as I use a laptop is some subjects.
The outside school is just to and from school not on social media
Thanks.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  0  
Reply Mon 23 Mar, 2015 01:41 pm
It sounds like you have a lot to deal with. What you are calling "being a bully" sound to me a reaction to things that are difficult in your life. You are taking your frustrations out on people around you... the answer is to find better ways to deal with your frustration.

Reaching out for help is important. Are there people that you can reach out to for help? Are there responsible adults who you feel would listen to you? Do you have a friend that you can talk to for support?

Counseling is a good way to talk through things that are bothering you to work them out in a healthy way. If you want to change your behavior, this would be a good thing to try.

There may be counseling services offered at your school. Often they are offered for free and are completely anonymous, and at least they can be a responsible adult who will listen to you and help you work through things. Your doctor can also help you to get counseling.

Good luck.
L11
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Mar, 2015 03:48 pm
@maxdancona,
Thanks but
I find it hard to tell people about problems (i'm quite shy in real life).
maxdancona
 
  0  
Reply Mon 23 Mar, 2015 03:53 pm
@L11,
In my opinion, you should at least try a counselor. They are completely confidential, and they are there to listen to you, and they are trained to listen to you... they can be easier to talk to then anyone else.

You are talking to us about problems, it is just as easy to talk to a counselor. The counselor will be better trained than we are... and will be in a better position to be truly helpful.
0 Replies
 
L11
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 12:24 pm
@maxdancona Well I don't have enough time to see a counseller because of revision+hobbies and I do have a best friend but she just says ignore them (the people who bully me) but that doesn't work. I find it hard talking to teachers (because i'm shy in real life) is there any way I could get over my shyness so I could talk to teachers?
maxdancona
 
  0  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2015 01:19 pm
@L11,
It takes effort to make positive changes in your life. There are a few things you can do; I think talking to a counselor is a good place to start. But, all of them will take time and a bit of effort. If you aren't ready to do this, than that is fine... but please keep it in mind.

I don't think that talking to teachers will help very much. A typical teacher has 120 or more students during the day, they won't be able to give you much individual attention. They can enforce discipline in their class (if there is something happening in their class by all means tell them). But there isn't much else they can do. Their primary job is to teach. That is why schools have counselors.
0 Replies
 
hanumanchalisayantra
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Apr, 2015 05:38 am
@L11,
Ohhh Dear... Dont worry these are just small problem.. When you grow old then these bullies you will miss a lot .. anyway dear if they are bullying you then you think deeply what things you doing in your behavior that allowing them to do so .. Control that . speak less .. think before you react on bullying .... Have a patience dear ...All Problems are temporary. you will overcome them soon..
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  2  
Reply Fri 24 Apr, 2015 01:03 am
I take it that some of your peers feel that you don't fit in? (I ask because a percentage of people tend to behave poorly around those that don't fit in)

There are a number of paths you can choose from:

1. Reporting matters to the school / counsellor: This is a short term, stop gap measure.

2. Learn how to be assertive: There are courses on this, books on this, and failing that, I'm sure there is quite a bit on youtube and the net in general. Learning such a skill will serve you well for your whole life

3. Work on being less shy: this is work for a shy person, and quite possible. It's done one small step at a time, knowing you'll make mistakes, and knowing that you'll learn from each one. Learning how to make mistakes, (and not beat yourself up about them - we all make mistakes, we are human) and learning from your mistakes...will also serve you well for the rest of your life.

4. Work out what you like about yourself, and go about building/growing on that. Learning how to find value in who you are (ie self-worth) will enhance your happiness, and just as importantly, will reduce your need to lash out when angry. This too will enhance your life.

Just a small note: other than 1, these take work (ie. you won't necessarily see results straight away) - and even without immediate results... they are very well worth the journey. Your life will be better for learning these things.
0 Replies
 
Hometutor
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 May, 2015 06:31 pm
@L11,
This will sound weird, but start going to church, get some counseling. Counselors would love to help a recovering bully.
0 Replies
 
 

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