My wife doesn't want to have sex.

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I know I know! Every man complains about not enough sex. I'm having some problems and Im just wondering of this is normal. My wife and I have been together for a little over 6 years. Married for a little over one year. Living together since 2010 ish. The usual, sex was great towards the beginning. I understand that women are insecure. My wife is very insecure. I Feel like for years I've been trying to explain to her that I'm unhappy sexually. She won't touch me sexually. I have to beg her to give it a kiss or a lick. Let alone sex. There's always an excuse. Anything you can think of. I have no problem doing things sexually to her. She is also weird about me going down. She has never been able to get off during sex. But I ALWAYS ask her when we have sex if I can help her. Our new complication. Almost a year ago we decided to try to have a baby. I expressed to her that I was worried about being forgotten. Not just sexually. She assured me she would make time for us too. We havnt been able to have sex since our child has been born it's too uncomfortable she says. But in turn I am left unsatisfied. Is it too much to ask my wife to stimulate me sexually? I feel very frustrated. I am willing to please her but I'm not getting that in return. I tell her all the time how I loved her body and how I wanna do things to her. Every time I bring this up to her she makes me feel like a fool. I feel awkward pleasureing myself in front of her. It's like I gotta hide when I go do it. I have to wait till she's sleepng or pretend I'm going to the bathroom. Like I'm asking for her to move mountains. It is very hard to control myself. I'm a very sexual person. But it's not anything new. Shes known this for over 6 years. So basically I just want help with my issues. Is this normal? What can I do to help? Because I feel like I've teied everything.

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Type: Question • Score: 11 • Views: 1,117 • Replies: 13

[+3] - PUNKEY - 03/30/2015Don't pay any attention to the posts above. You loved this woman, you still seem to be in love with her. Her initial hot libido has dropped. You need to find out why. Start FIRST with a...

@Jstm,

Oh maan. She is basically asexual. You say it was ok from the start but then say she really never got off when doing her. It'll also be a combination of her not really loving you sorry to say. Some women value the safety and security part of relationships and marriage and I think you are stuck with one of them. I too have been in your situation with a young child thinking a greater bond will be formed but less was the reality :-( I'm now with a **** machine and glad to have got out of the duty part of my last marriage. It's also been helpful and beneficial for my child now 4yo.

Some will say it's not good to advocate ending relationship but is it also good to torture yourself and others. My ex is now also happy with her new asexual man lol while the young child is in a more harmonious household. And happy when she comes to my place too.

I even realized that star signs show show how much one likes to ****. You must be aries Leo Scorpio or Sagittarious be liking it so much

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@Jstm,

You should have thought more carefully about this BEFORE impregnating her.

Now there is a kid involved.

Not sure why you are asking your question here because she is not going to change...and I suspect you know that.

Whack off...OFTEN.

Leave her out of it.

Take on a mistress at some point.

You are screwed.

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@Jstm,

There is always divorce.

Talk to your wife about how you feel. Be open. Listen to what she has to say. If you can't work it out with her, then try couples therapy.

If that doesn't work, then start the divorce process. Monogamy is a usually part of marriage, chastity isn't. In a marriage the needs of both partners should be met. If it isn't working then why be miserable?

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INSIST she get physical. She could have low hormones or something else going on that made libido severely drop.

Don't let this go on before it's sorted out.

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@Frank Apisa,

Quote:

Take on a mistress at some point.

That was the wiser advice.

Even more, the wife must sign a "wave" giving her consent.

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Don't pay any attention to the posts above.

You loved this woman, you still seem to be in love with her.

Her initial hot libido has dropped. You need to find out why.

Start FIRST with a complete physical.

Then go into couples counseling. Heck, it could be another man, she's gone gay, she's afraid of pregnancy, she's got female problems, anxiety, you smell, work stress, etc. etc. Who knows?

Get this settled before you make any rash decisions. Do NOT get a mistress!

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Do not pay any attention to Punkey's post.

Whack off as much as you can...and if necessary, get a mistress.

Either way...the chances of your wife EVER wanting to have sex as much as you want it...is as close to ZERO as it is possible to get.

1 Reply

@Frank Apisa,

Oh...one other alternative.

Just stop want lots of sex!

(Good luck with that.)

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@Jstm,

Jstm wrote:

Almost a year ago we decided to try to have a baby.

We havnt been able to have sex since our child has been born it's too uncomfortable she says.

you have a child that is less than a year old.

your wife definitely should be checking in with her doc if she is feeling physical discomfort during intercourse more than about 2 months post delivery

please also encourage her to speak to her doctor about any emotional/psychological changes she is experiencing in addition to the physical problems

have you done any reading on postpartum experiences in women? did you participate in prenatal courses with your wife (postpartum is often discussed in these groups)

is there a new dads support group in your area? if so - please sign yourself up

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@Jstm,

Jstm wrote:

The usual, sex was great towards the beginning.

what were you doing differently at the beginning?

what was she doing differently at the beginning?

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@Jstm,

Jstm wrote:

I understand that women are insecure.

really? we are?

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@Jstm,

Its too uncomfortable she says...this is most likely another excuse and BS!...Im sorry my friend but now you bought a kid in this and it will make it much harder in the end..I went through a similar thing last year. She came up with every excuse in the world why she couldnt have sex. This was augmented by a fall she had in a snow storm. This served as another excuse for her not to have sex. She rode this out for about 3 months. Then for a short time everything appeared to be "normal." Then she started a new set of excuses. Theres a finite time to fix this if it can be fixed. Once it passes a certain point rarely is there any salvaging it.

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@Jstm,

At this moment in time your wife feels pressured with having to have any form off sex with you, you perform sexually in front of her and even ask for her to let you perform on your wife . Why do you have to put everything down to being sexual with your wife , when you know that your wife needs supporting with every day things around the house ( house work , cleaning and general house-hold chores ) spending time talking together on subjects rather than sex, as sex comes over as the most important activity you have holding up the marriage , so much as you come over as without sex you have nothing else . Lean to be Sensual and sensitive towards your wife enjoy her for whom she is, touching her gently when passing by , sit down together the three of you close up saying nothing , doing nothing . Get in touch with being affectionate towards her , and not expecting to have any form of sex only the feeling of pleasing your wife with her knowing what she means to you with having no sex attached . A simple gesture of a rose a card or changing the way you are towards her

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My wife doesn't want to have sex.

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