5
   

How do I stop obsessing over someone I wasn't really interested in to begin with?

 
 
Reply Wed 11 Mar, 2015 04:01 pm
I was dating a guy for three months and things got pretty serious. I knew in the back of my mind I shouldn’t let it because I was moving interstate, but it naturally happened. We continued to speak every day and night after I moved and I even saw him a few times. However I started to realise there were things I didn’t quite like…

We had an intense conversation about how, soon enough, we would have to go our separate ways because it wasn’t going to work, and we were both OK with the idea. But pretty much immediately after that conversation he stopped talking to me, and now that there is zero communication between us, I find I am obsessing over him. I check my phone constantly, I wake up in the middle of the night, I get waves of sadness. But the last time I saw him I was even saying in my head, “ugh I don’t like that about you at all”. I need to remind myself that I was starting to become very disinterested in him.

What do you do in this situation? I always seem to drive myself crazy. I need some advice/tips.
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 973 • Replies: 11

 
View best answer, chosen by louiseflos123
roger
 
  1  
Reply Wed 11 Mar, 2015 04:03 pm
@louiseflos123,
I offer sympathy and even empathy, but no advice.
0 Replies
 
Krumple
  Selected Answer
 
  2  
Reply Wed 11 Mar, 2015 04:20 pm
@louiseflos123,
Although you have stated that there are things that you don't like about him. Well there obviously MUST be things that you do like or else you wouldn't be asking this question. Could it be that there is more things that you DO like over the things that you DON'T like about him?

You missing him is missing the aspects that you DO like about him. But there is also another factor that you might not want to admit to. I bet a part of your ego wants him to be obsessing over you and since he has severed the communication you are coming to the realization that he must not be obsessing over you. This is not appealing to our egos.

So you monitor your phone and your ego is baffled why he is not communicating with you. Your ego states that you are worth his attention but your attention given to him should be your call or under your control. So you feel out of control.

Any time you feel out of control you want to solve the problem to put your mind back into a state of balance and control. This means that you will ignore or temporarily forget about the aspects of his character that you didn't like until you can rationalize why he is able to sever communication with you.

It is a known psychological issue.

You have a few possible solutions.

Replace his attention with someone else. Find someone who you ARE interested in and any obsession you have will be replaced by this new person who you are interested in. However; this is problematic because the issue is not fully resolved, it is only transformed via distraction.

Another solution is to actually re-initiate communication with him. This solution seems counter intuitive because you don't want to be the one chasing after his attention. Instead you want him to be chasing after your attention. So if you initiate the conversation you are giving him your attention which you don't want to do. It can become a solution because of how he reacts to this new attention. When you see his reaction it will nullify your obsession. However; if he doesn't respond at all it can backfire and increase your obsession.

The best solution is just to let it be how it's going to be naturally. If he never speaks to you again then so be it. No loss right? If he does speak to you then you can decide how you want to interact with him. No real decision needs to be made, just let things go how they will go with the least amount of effort or analysis.

ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Wed 11 Mar, 2015 04:30 pm
Just stop it already. Go for long walks and work it out, however many walks it takes. Look around at where you are, get interested in life around you.
0 Replies
 
louiseflos123
 
  1  
Reply Wed 11 Mar, 2015 04:45 pm
@Krumple,
You really seem to know what you're talking about
roger
 
  2  
Reply Wed 11 Mar, 2015 04:55 pm
@louiseflos123,
Then select her post as the best answer, which will award a red ribbon.
louiseflos123
 
  1  
Reply Wed 11 Mar, 2015 04:58 pm
@roger,
Sorry this is the first time I've used this website. I just wanted to keep the forum open to see what other people had to say as well. But I have selected that best answer.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 11 Mar, 2015 05:03 pm
@louiseflos123,
The question remains open and available for comment even after you've selected an answer.

You can also reconsider your decision if a later answer is more helpful.

Smile
0 Replies
 
MsMaryPope
 
  1  
Reply Wed 11 Mar, 2015 06:16 pm
I've used knitting to help me focus on other matters when I've been in situations like yours, dear. Perhaps you need to develop an interest of your own that can bring some satisfaction to your life. I knit caps for women going through chemotherapy and the joy on their faces would melt the memory of any inamorata, believe me.
roger
 
  1  
Reply Wed 11 Mar, 2015 06:36 pm
@MsMaryPope,
Mary Pope of Abuzz, I presume.
ossobuco
 
  3  
Reply Wed 11 Mar, 2015 06:49 pm
@roger,
Not.

I was welcoming for a bit, that someone would use her name, expecting well, got over it.

Very kakky.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Wed 11 Mar, 2015 09:05 pm
@louiseflos123,
Things didn't end the way YOU wanted them to, so it's like it's "unfinished" in your mind. That's what's driving you crazy.

Write him a letter where YOU end it. But don't mail it.

0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

 
  1. Forums
  2. » How do I stop obsessing over someone I wasn't really interested in to begin with?
Copyright © 2020 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 08/08/2020 at 11:39:11