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Depression, low self-esteem and I hate my life

 
 
CLwife
 
Reply Sat 18 Mar, 2017 03:13 pm
First, please excuse my English, because I am hungarian, English is not my first language. 
So, I am girl and I am so in love with another girl who doesn't even know I exist, because she's a celebrity. She is the love of my life for a year and my love grows up every single day. I am so depressed because I cannot meet her and be her girlfriend. (I live in Hungary and she lives in South Korea, anyway she is straight etc). Maybe I seem just a fangirl, but I love her more than I love my life. People say she probably has a boyfriend. Yesterday, when I read an article with her and a possible boyfriend I went to another room, I locked the door, I sat on my knees and started crying, while screaming "why?! Why is this happening?! Girl (saying her name), I love you!!! Why can't I tell you how much I love you?! I think I'm gonna kill myself" . I couldn't stop crying for one hour. I was so jealous, I've never been jealous before knowing about her existence. This is not the first time I cry because of this. She is different, I love her very much, I cannot express with words how much I love her!! Yeah, I know what you think, I'm crazy. I know this is not ok. I am not okay! I know that she's a human like me, and she has a private life! But it's hard... 
Can someone help me ?! I wanna learn to accept life as it is and deal with it. She'll never be my girlfriend. First, I thought I just admire her and nothing more. But no! I do not admire her. I don't wanna be like her, she is not my role model, I don't wanna look like her or something. I just want her! I want every part of her. I began to have fantasies. I imagine how good it would be to meet her and then she would keep me tight in her warm hands...then we would kiss and be together all night...you know...I cannor bear it anymore. I often cry...my self-esteem has been low since I was born, but it's getting lower and lower. Please, help me. Sad
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sat 18 Mar, 2017 03:35 pm
@CLwife,
You need to contact your doctor, okay? Tell him or her what you wrote here.

I am not a doctor, but I suspect you need therapy. Because while celebrity crushes are generally harmless, yours is causing you to consider suicide. And that is anything but harmless.

I hope you will take that seriously.

In therapy, you can talk through your self-esteem issues, and also about your sexuality. Find out why you are so obsessed with someone who is 100% unattainable. Find out why this fantasy (because that's what it is) means more to you than reality.

And please, I hope you will take care of yourself and get the help that you need. You are too valuable a person. This Korean woman's love life needs to be put in perspective. Please do not let it drive you to trying to end it all. You are more important than whether she has a boyfriend.
dalehileman
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 18 Mar, 2017 04:29 pm
@jespah,
Wow Jes I'm glad you're still around. What's happened to the software anyhow
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dxczoe
 
  -1  
Reply Sat 18 Mar, 2017 08:06 pm
@CLwife,
If you want to get her love, you should love yoursevlf first. So, you need to treat yourself better and make yourself stronger and more excellent. Maybe one day, your dream will come true. It is useless that you just put yourself in pain without practical action.
If you are clear that you will never make it achieved, then you should give up. Find a new one in your real world that can be seen and touched. Of course, if you just can't forget her, a doctor is also helpful.
0 Replies
 
 

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