Too good to be true?

Hi

VERY brief of current situation:
So I have been in a mediocre relationship for 10 years with a man that I adored, the only man that I have ever been able to sacrifice my happiness for, the only man that I believe I have ever loved. What’s keeping me here is the fact that he is the father of my two beautiful girls. I have tried to bring the spark back but the walls that he forced me to put up by being constantly hurt are just too strong. When it comes to “us” I am a very cold unemotional partner. He has REALLY been trying for the last year, even wants to get married now (yes, only after 10 years!!!), I have been trying but I think the damage is done.

My dilemma:

Last year I ended things and I started seeing an old friend, “Dave”, I’ve known for 11 years. He was my boss. We were never a couple, both young and everything was just for fun. In those days I was quite popular, very confident and didn’t read much into anything. I was just having fun and I wasn’t interested in being in a relationship (until I met “Daddy”). I was living my life!

All these years while “Daddy” and I have been together. Dave has stayed in contact with me, often inviting me to coffee when he was in my area. Most of the time I would say no, but on occasion met with him a few times for a quick coffee… never anything romantic (even back in the day, so I thought). Although he has always referred to me jokingly as his “future ex-wife”

When I ended things with Daddy last year, I went to dinner with Dave a few times. He is charming, successful, inspiring and handsome. He hasn’t ever gotten married nor had any children and on that first dinner date he told me I was one of two that got away (haha, maybe the “two” does show honesty?). By chance I was wearing one of my old favourite fragrances and he remembered the smell. He remembered small things from so long ago that I can’t even recall. Like what I was wearing the first time we went out, how I fell asleep on his chest while he played with my hair and how upset he was that I didn’t stay over. How he fell in love with me on one particular day when I looked him in the eye with a certain look on my face. He said that he wished I had his children and that he still stays in the same place and will only buy a house when he finds the one. He explained that he has built his empire and had his fun and he is waiting for God to send him that special lady. He joked on that night asking if I wanted to look for a house with him and that he will teach my girls to play tennis and that they will be pros (he is a top tennis player). He even asked to meet them.

I went out for dinner with him about once/twice a week, he took me to the most amazing places. Treated me like a queen, made me feel like the old me and we could talk about anything and everything. Often asking me when he can steal me for a week to take me on holiday. Me being “Mommy” and putting my girls first kept on saying no to going away as my girls were still very “fragile” with Daddy leaving and I wasn’t ready to leave them alone. Not even for a day! (I only went out after putting them to sleep). He is an extremely busy man, he is CEO of two companies and this coupled with only seeing him twice a week and knowing him in his younger days… I couldn’t help thinking he’s “playing me”. I never reciprocated the “future talk” and I played it “cool”. (I have always felt that if you like someone that much you make more time for them?)

With my girls devastated, my little one telling me every day that I’m ugly and it’s my fault her Dad is gone and Daddy begging for another chance, I took him back 7 months ago. This after he crashed my car, drinking and driving, lost his job, left me to support us and developed a drug problem (just a few mentioned). He had gone to rehab and I thought that he deserved another chance because he showed some sort of change. He had nowhere “safe” to go and if I didn’t take him back he would have gone to rehab for nothing. I need him to be good for our daughters. I need them to love and respect their Daddy as I do mine. He is really trying, although he is still not the “responsible” man of the house.

I explained to Dave that I am taking him back for my girls and that he needs a “safe place”. He was understanding and supportive. The view that this was just an “arrangement”, I still heard from him a lot and got invites to do “special” things with him, like mountain bike in the hills, ice skating, overseas trips etc. After declining every invitation except one lunch he understandably withdrew. I would only hear from him now and then, less than what I did during the years before we met for dinner. When I went with him for that lunch, he asked me “how do I get the girl”. I explained that he is too busy and that he should say how he feels. It’s one thing to reminisce on the past and to joke and another to really open up. I told him he is difficult to read (how could he tell me I’m the one who got away and then I only see him twice a week, the “relationship” wasn’t going anywhere), he agreed and said he probably picked up that habit in business. I didn’t see him again after that until two weeks ago.

Two weeks ago I agreed to meet with him after work for a drink at his place. We chatted, had a few drinks and fell asleep on the couch listening to music. He told me he is attracted to me because I am independent and not a “gold digger” (I am very ambitious and pride myself on not relying on a man. Great advice my dad drilled into me growing up – NEVER RELY ON A MAN, BE INDEPENDENT) He told me that he feels like a kid around me and again that I am the one who got away. He asked if I am noticing that he is opening up and that he is trying.

Since then he has been messaging me everyday, telling me I’m on his mind. He wants me etc. I often tease, thinking he is still that young “player”, asking him if he says that to all the other girls. His reply to that was that there are many but he isn’t interested. He only wants me. He asks why I don’t believe him and that last time he looked in the mirror he didn’t have player tattooed on his forehead.

I have since met up with him three times. At his company as a CEO he introduced me to everyone jokingly asking what they think of me as his new girlfriend or future ex-wife. At lunch on another occasion he showed me a mansion that he wants to put in an offer for and asked if I will view it with him. He said he is thinking of the future and that it will be OUR house wanting my opinion on it. He asked if I would have more children and that he would like to have 2. At this stage I opened up to discuss “future” and asked why he would not rather choose a woman that doesn’t have children etc. I come with baggage and he is a jet setter often travelling all over the world on extravagant holidays. I explained that having someone like me with children will change his life drastically… you can’t just “lock up and go”. He asked: “don’t you think I have thought about all that? Are you trying to chase me away?” He makes me feel amazing, also like a child, I even sometimes feel nervous around him in a shy girl kind of way.

Lastnight we went out for dinner and a movie. He has overseas visitors that arrived this morning and has been begging me to go away with them and that he has booked me a plane ticket. He again spoke of us having children lastnight.

When we were younger we were both kind of “players” so based on that I feel that he’s just being a charmer. This is why I never considered something serious with him in our younger days. I also think I probably have trust issues from my current relationship and also have been “out of the game” for so long I don’t know how to read into all this. I’m also not that confident young girl that just wants to have fun either and I am now a mom and if I do choose to leave their Dad it won’t be on a whim. I am happy to sacrifice my happiness for my girls and stay with their Dad as things are instead of being “single”. I don’t want to be selfish and hurt them, but at the same time should they not see “love”? I’m scared to take a chance only to be played.

I need to make serious decisions as I cannot keep on sneaking around behind “Daddy’s” back because that isn’t me.

Based on all things said by Dave… would you say he is charming/ playing me? Would a man really say things like that if he wasn’t serious? He constantly asks why I don’t believe him. I guess I’m just so scared of being played for the fool like I have been the last 10 years. I still have been playing it very “cool” and was wondering… do I completely open up to him? Or maybe that’s what attracted him to me all those years ago… that I wasn’t an “emotional needy girl”. Maybe it’s a case of you want what you can’t have, and all those years ago, he couldn’t have me? I can’t stop thinking about him and I need to either stop talking to him or let him know I am serious about a future for us.

The world teaches us that if it is too good to be true that it probably is. What do I do? 