Boyfriend wants me to choose between me and a friend

Motives, motives, motives.

You have to ask yourself a few questions.

1. Is your friend interested in you romantically? If he is, this might be why he is challenging your relationship with your boyfriend. He is attempting to wedge himself in to have you for himself.

2. How much do you care about your boyfriend? If it comes down to choosing which would you rather pick? The friend or the boyfriend? This is actually your basic question.

3. Does your boyfriend have anything to worry about? Meaning are you interested in your friend romantically or see it as a potential romantic relationship in the future? If you say maybe or yes to this then your boyfriend is sensing that this is potentially devastating to his relationship with you and why he doesn't like you talking to your guy friend.

4. Is there any possibility that you can alleviate the insecurities? If you are not romantically interested in your friend and at the same time want to continue with your boyfriend, then is there any way to clear the air and let both know how you feel about both of them? This might require that you have a conversation with both of them at the same time so they can see each others reaction. Very few people actually do this because it's uncomfortable.

5. What sacrifices are you willing to make? If you don't want to lose your boyfriend are you capable or ready to possibly end your relationship with your guy friend to prevent risking your boyfriend from becoming overly concerned, jealous or suspecting that you may be cheating on him?

6. Have you ever considered abandoning guys all together and taking up relationships with females instead? No on second thought you would probably be making things worse for yourself.

I'm not sure what you mean by this.
If the friendship with the other guy is perfectly innocent (?) you can give your boyfriend an ultimatum of your own: 'stop trying to control who I can be friends with or get out of my life'.

How old are all of you?

A BF who demands that you give up your friends is not the kind of guy you want.

On the other hand - depending on your age - it is time to set boundaries with friends and concentrate on the relationship full time.

Don't let other people dictate your relationships to you.

You may lose relationships over this. These are, usually, not the relationships you want.

I am not at all interested romantically in my guy friend, my bf knows that i would not leave him for the other guy, my guy friend is gay so i don't have to worry about him but my boyfriend describes when I talk to him he feels a "Pit in his stomach that makes him sick." He says it's not jealousy but it is a mix of hatred and discomfort, "I'm fine when I talk to -name- but whenever you do i want to throw you over my shoulder and run far away." He's very possessive.

My friend and I are just that, friends, i have no romantic interest or feelings for him what so ever, i think my bf is taking something very very
miniscule and turning it into something that will spiral out of control

Your boyfriend is acting like a classic controller. There will be trouble ahead if you stick with him.

You have 2 choices...mainly...either run for the hills or explain to your b/f that his insecurities are being interpreted as attempts to control and that you won't stand for that.

Agree there will be big time trouble for her if she keep him in her life and giving in on her friendship would just be the start not the end of the demands from him.

Thank you all for the wonderful advice, it is really helping me out on the decision I'm going to make.

sounds like you understand what could happen with your boyfriend

You are first. Those two idiots not should important you when you take a decision.

like ehbeth, I think you're starting to realize that you can't let a boyfriend validate your life and friendships.
There's a danger that you might soon lose who you really are.

Okay well this information was good to have and it changes a few things.

I'm getting the sense, (I could be wrong) that maybe your boyfriend is either a little homophobic or just doesn't like gays? The gay friend might have already come to that conclusion and why he wants to defend you against your bf.

I do agree with some of the things mentioned by others here. If he is a controlling type he will attempt to distance you from anyone who could potentially save you from his negative behavior. So in other words he will dislike anyone who could challenge his controlling behavior towards you.

But to be honest, I don't think this issue is really about control but instead a hatred for you having a gay friend. That's just my gut feeling given the information you have shared.

I am happy to announce that my boyfriend and I worked through our issue, thank you for all the wonderful advice you all have given.

Terrific. I hope he has a better understanding of your right to have independent friendships.