I have started an affair and don't know what to do

Sure ya can. Just try.

I think it would be good for you to just tell him you feel very confused right now and need to sort some things out. I think life is too short to live waste in an unhappy relationship where you aren't getting the emotional fulfillment you need. That being said, unless your partner is up for an open marriage, I think you really only have two choices... be married, or don't. Being able to live your life truthfully is a very valuable gift, don't let that go.

Take a deep breath and think about your post.
Then let it out and forget about this guy.
While thinking of the good things you do have.

of course you can

Practice makes perfect... I say if it makes you happy go for it.

My first instinct is: If your marriage is unhappy you will be vulnerable to any kind of attention from men that makes you feel appreciated, noticed, beautiful. Your marriage is not fulfilling the needs that you have. But, are your needs and expectations realistic would be a good question.
Then there is the fact that your husband has cheated on you many times creating a lack of trust and displaying a behavior that is either a psychological problem or your just his convenience store.
Other problem is that this is one of your husbands friends. Ummmm nope. This is another one of your husband...if you can get that. A friend dose not do this. They might acknowledge an attraction but as a friend fend it off not encourage it. That relationship, regardless if you like him will go no where because he apparently has no problem with being a home wrecker himself.
I totally understand the children/tough split up situation. We have many discussions about divorce that lead back to "but the kids" who are young.
Not only might your husband be crushed but the potential of violence is always there. When my husband screwed up and asked a woman to watch the elections with her in his hotel room while he was out of town (but he changed his mind when things started "happening") and asked her to go???????? I thought to myself...ok, here's a woman very ready to sleep with my husband and visa versa. Do these people not think of some of the potential ramifications this could lead to. Lucky for her I'm not the violent type but I could make easily get her fired and other things to retaliate.
If your husband finds out and is crushed well he might for once have some empathy and gain understanding as to how these actions tragically mess with the victim. I don't think though that you will break this soon to be affair of quickly enough....if you do, good for you and don't ever mention it to him if it will be water under the bridge and use the fact that obviously if in the future you divorce their are other men in the sea who find you attractive and interesting...just choose an unmarried one.

Sex is sex. Love comes in many forms. Chemistry is either there or it isn't.

I think deep inside the cheating has bothered you immensely but you won't acknowledge it, rather suggest that your love for your husband is in the "friends zone". When someone goes searching, they need to search inside not outside... Time for you to do exactly that.

I truly understand your dilemma. Coming from experience, just let him go. You can't fix your marriage, or really decide if it's even right for you if You're blind sighted with this other guy. You don't want him anyhow.

Things will happen in life that makes going forward a difficult one.
You are even not sure about the problem in front of you.
Is it love? you dont know. Is it craving for sex? that too you dont know..

In this situation the best thing to do is "waiting" give 'TIME' some TIME so that it can reveal you more of your feelings and needs.

Having a relation isnt a cheating.. but when it goes wayward it becomes.

I replied to this and it disappeared.
Im new here so is there something I don't know.

. I don't want to leave my husband to be with this guy
. my husband has cheated on me many times
. my husband would be crushed
. and I do love him
WTF? he cheated, you are not happy and you love him but your marriage sucks!
. how can I feel so passionately about someone yet the kiss was just not?
Love isn't sex. Trust me. Sometimes it is even against sex. So no problems there. However you have to decide whether you LOVE your husband or he is cheating deceiving mtfker who needs to be thought how it feels.
. we have an active fulfilling sex life
. he is more my friend rather than lover
???
Have you read what you wrote?
If you are THAT confused - you need to get back with your senses.
Every sentence you wrote is contradictory to another.