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Sun 1 Feb, 2015 01:28 pm
Guys i just want your opinion. So i had known this guy when i was in 1st year high. He was my sister's friend. Now, its been 15 years already and it was just last october when we chatted on fb. He's a seafarer and im a nurse working here in abroad. At first it was all friendly chat. He told me he already have a 6y.o daughter and he is in no good relation with the mother and they're just keeping in touch because of their child. To make the story short we were constant chatmates and we fell in love with each other (all fb chats and international calls). At first it really went well and we cant end the day without texting or phone calls telling how we missed eachother and cant wait to be together. He told me that when he gets home he will fix everything about his past so that we can have a smooth relationship together. He was all sweet and everything that we started to think of our future together. The problem started when went home. Of course he has to meet his daughter with his "ex"(as what he's always refering to). He always said i have to trust him. I know it takes a lot of effort and courage to tell everything to his baby and his ex about us but i always assure him that we dont have to rush everything and we have to take it slow esp.to the child. And so they had this little family bonding that lasted 2 days without contacting me. He said he had to leave his phone then confessed that something happened between him and her! He assured me he tried his hardest to avoid her but he's only a guy with needs (wtf!!) and that his feelings was never the same and accdg. to him it was all plain sex. He added that it just proved him that it was me whom he loves, and its me he's all been thinking about...blah blah blah. It breaks heart of course but because i love him i didnt bring much issue about it. He also asked me to give him more time to tell his ex about us because she's begging him to give them another chance and if maybe she knew about us he's afraid he might not get to see his daughter again. And because i love him i said 'its ok, lets not rush up things' And then this week again he attended his daughter's school affair, he told me he'll be home before midnight. But my God, its 2 days already since his last call, his phone's off and no sign from him.. I wanted to get mad cause im so hurt and feeling betrayed. What would i expect? with him with his daughter and his so called "ex." but the other part of me wants to hear out his side of what just happened, maybe just to justify his actions? i dnt wanna lose him. Omg am i that pathetic, did he just turned me into his other woman?? Oh my God!!!
Oh my dear - don't you see this as it really is?
You had a FANTASY (NON-REAL) relationship with a liar over the internet.
He came home and now he is in HIS real world. (I don't believe that his marriage was bad; he was lying)
He took up valuable time and energy from you. I wonder why you aren't MAD at all this.
Don't expect to hear from him again. He used you, out of boredom, while he was away from home.
Sorry, but THAT'S reality!
@PUNKEY,
Yeah reality bites... maybe i just expect much from our make-believe-relationship. Ive been battling hearbreak from a 9years relationship after 3 years of moving on he's the first who opened my heart again for the possibility of love. But i guess its never this easy... thank you.
@uncomfortablesoul,
You're not pathetic.
You wanted to believe and you wanted and deserve love again. Only long distance doesn't allow you the truth.
Don't give up on the word it does exist.
This man does not deserve any replies from you and you need no explanations he has done it twice testing the water if you will accept the first incident and he's a cad for doing so.
You trusted him because he was known from the past. You gave him unearned trust.
You are wiser now.
Get out into the world and find a nice guy who lives near you.
Good luck.
It could be that he was playing with you from the very beginning... but...
It can be also that the other woman realized that he can find happiness with you and she has decided to play dirty.
Lets say that what I just told it's true.
The other woman will "capture him" until she is sure that you are out of sight, later she will release him back to the jungle.
The other woman didn't like you at all, and don't want you near her daughter the days he is supposed to take care of the child. She prefers the "sacrifice" of coming back together with him and avoid you as a "step mother".
It might be that he never thought a possibility of returning back with her, but, as the hypothesis right above implies, she found the way to be attractive to him and he fell in her arms.
You have two options.
To forget all about him and start a new life, something that is painful and carries the unknown.
Or, to fight for him, only "if" you see that he wants to be with you.
If he wants to be with you, but he must have to see her anyway because the daughter, you can't bother him with doubts and reprimands.
You must put at front that you have no objection at all for him to visit her daughter as many times as he wants to, but that you will prefer to be with him when visiting as many times as possible as well.
Let her be the "trouble maker", so he will forget about her very soon.
Now well, if he was playing before, or if he has decided going back to her, keep your integrity alive, wish him the best, and stay away from him... for good.
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