Tue 27 Jan, 2015 11:44 am
I will be quick to the point.
I have been in three long time relationships during the last 15 years. I'm now 30 and married but this one thing bothers me. Why have I never been fully in love? I see it in movies, shows, books, etc. but why can't I experience it? Don't get me wrong I have loved my exes and love my wife but I don't feel that whole butterflies in my stomach, loose my sleep over a woman type of thing. For that same reason sometimes I don't feel fulfilled in life and find myself unhappy every once in a while. Is this a medical issue or just me putting ideas in my head? Any advise or reply will be appreciated.
'I see it in movies, shows, books, etc." - there is an element of truth in these romantic theatrics, although somewhat exaggerated.
I remember someone telling me that he wanted a "girl who makes me write bad checks." He wanted crazy love, too.
If you have been in love three times AND are married, perhaps you just aren't the kind to have this kind of "crazy love" you desire. Perhaps your temperament just doesn't lend itself to that total abandonment needed.
Is there ANYTHING in your life that ever gave you butterflies in your stomach, or loss of sleep?
Why have I never been fully in love ?
It might be worth thinking about what one sage said on the subject...
Where the self is, love is not.
It really starts by giving your partner a bigger portion of yourself - like 60/40. That shows your devotion and trust.
You missed it because you have got married already.
Fully in love is great... and dangerous, that bad, that you are at the risk of losing even your dignity just because the love you feel for "that" woman.
The feeling is great, you become "blind" when others show you that "that" girl may be cheating on you.
You have the greater time of your life when "that" woman is also crazy about you. It is love, it is passion, it is craziness.
Bad thing is that with this kind of love, if you are not careful, it will saturate itself to the point of a crude indifference towards her. So, fights and reconciliation keep it alive, and every time you said, "no more" it becomes "I'll call her tonight" .
I have been told, that it is better to marry a woman that you like as a friend and love as your dog, and it might be right: you have someone to count with and to take care of.
Don't be disappointed with your life, because not everyone has jumped using parachutes, not everyone plays guitar and becomes famous, and so forth.
On the contrary, renew your feelings with the woman who also have chosen you as her partner. Be happy and do not try now to find another woman to be fully in love with. I can tell you that when crazy love ends, it's disastrous.
Love without trust is nothing; not dangerous.
Thank you all for taking your time in sharing your thoughts! Each one of your answers hit the nail in the head. However, I believe one of you said " when you are crazy in love with someone you tend to lose your dignity". That's absolutely true, in none of my relationships I was insanely crazy about the girl I was dating at the time to the point of no return. I have always shielded myself to the point that I can retain emotional control. I have now realized that is not that I haven't fully loved someone is just that I want to be in control of my own feelings.
Punkey, in regards to your question... Yes. I have felt butterflies in my stomach before. When I was little (5 years old) I had a crush on this one girl and the feeling just got stronger as we grew up. We never dated but we were good friends and lived in the same neighborhood. Sometimes we would even play on the streets after school. I was aware that several guys had asked her out, however, she would kindly decline them. At the time, my friends used to say " maybe she's waiting for you to ask her out!". At the age of 15 my parents and I migrated (legally) to the U.S. and sort of kept a little contact with her. Years went by and sometimes I would just stop and think "what if I asked her out?". A few years ago I found out that she got married and I felt a bit sad ( I won't lie) and tried to congratulate her via facebook but she never accepted me as a friend in there. So here I'm 25 years later and sometimes I still stop and wonder. It's just one of those life chapters that I never seemed to have gotten a closure.
Interesting; thanks for sharing.
Don't think about it! Love is very different for different people. It can't be always like in books and movies. As for me I think that all this butterflies aren't so important as a cup of coffee in the morning that you are making for you wife!
You're cimparing a teality(yours) to fantasy (movies, etc). So you aren't being realistic.
Love comes from within. Respect self with compassion. Imagine what you want to be, empty the mind of desire and self and attract the right partner.
absolutely correct !!
Trust is pillars for any relationship whether it is Love or friendship.
Maybe something should be changed in the habitual way of your family life. For instance you may arrange some romantic trip for you and your wife.
No way! Bigger portion to a partner = love? What a bull.
You have no idea, do you?