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Fri 11 Jun, 2004 05:09 pm
I know i'm no loving, caring, emotional person, and I know i'm a bitch most of the time, but at least I was always like that. I may not show things I may feel, but that doesn't mean I don't feel them. Someone like yourself on the other hand, who was alway loving, CARING, and emotional most of the time, isn't.
Someone who says they "care" sooo much wouldn't forget to bring forms home from work. They wouldn't leave hair all over the bathtub when they know the person they "care" about is disgusted by them. They wouldn't say they're gonna do something unless they were actually going to do it. That kind of person wouldn't do that to the person they "care" about.
Yes, I piss you off all the time and harrass you about little things, it's not because I don't like those things about you, it's because I like those things about you. I know you don't understand that. Because I can't show loving,caring emotions, I play stupid little games. It's all I can do.
This is probably another one of your "revenge" idea's. "Let's give ______ a taste of her own medicine". The only thing that is going to do is make your life more of a living hell!
Life is boring, always the same old lame **** in my life. "Have a little enthousianm" you say. Well what in the hell is there to be enthousiastic about, the fact that everyday when I come home I know exactly how the rest of my day is gonna be spent, I see the exact same things in the exact same spot as I when I left.
I don't feel anything. You say you feel unloved, well so do I. I don't feel special, enthousiastic, I feel bored, normal rather. It's different if you're used to feeling loved, special. It hurts alot more when it's gone. If I were you I would feel lucky right now, cause at least you never felt anything from me before.
I was hoping by us going on a trip we could both unwind, and bring ourselves back together, but obviously that isn't happening. I should have known.
One basic fact is that I can't trust you, and you really don't do anything to prove me otherwise, but hey, why should you!
I'm not just gonna sit around here anymore and wait for something thats never gonna happen. I need more life, excitement, something I don't feel when i'm at home. You want more time for your most important brothers, so i'll take some time for myself. Not only when you're at work but when you're not aswell. That will give you time to sit in the esso or play medal of honour with your brothers, the ones you truely care about.
I could probably go on and on about ****, but why, it's not like it really sinks in anyway. Well as i'm sure you noticed by now, that i wasn't here waiting for you when got home. Don't come to my work, I don't need to be picked up, and when I get home I don't want to talk about this letter, it'll be like it never existed. I just wanna feel good again, and you wanted me to talk to you, so you can have my vent letter. Don't worry about being home when I get home either, i won't get mad, i know you have other places you'd much rather be, so don't letme hold you back anymore.
I'm sure you're taking this letter as perhaps "over reacting" or somehting as that sort, probably even humurous. Well it's not anything like that, this is how I feel.
Anyway, i'm off now, and remember, don't email me back, i'll just erase it, don't show up at my work at all, i'll get home on my own, and i'm not talking about this later or ever, so don't bother. Bye
This is so obviously from a person who suffers from depression
I'm not even going to respond to that letter until I know more of the details behind it.
Oh my - what happened.....? This letter/email sounds like the person who wrote it is talking for both people. Is this a letter/email that you received? Or is this a letter/email that you sent or are thinking about sending. Let us know.
Ok, this is a letter that I sent to my live in bf, we're having a bit of troubles lately, obvioulsy.
Looks like the only thing you left out in that last sentence is "and don't forget to pack up your **** and be gone by the time I get home".
I'm not sure if that was intended but it's what I got when I "read between the lines".
LOL...yes fishin' I could see how that may or may have not been implied. That was not actually the intention though, and he knows how I talk so I don't think he'll think that either. Sometimes I wish he'd pack up his **** and leave, but thats only in anger, I don't want him to leave, I just want us to understand eachother better so things like this won't happen. It just seems like no matter how much I tell him how important somehting is to me he just passes it off, but still trys to tell me he loves me so much and he cares so much, and i'm just getting at my witts end here. I'm probably just in "one of my moods".
Well I gotta jet, i work in 10 minutes but i'll catch up tommorow, see you, and thanks for the replies.
If I'd received that, I'd be packed and out by now.
stand up for pessimism wrote:Re: Will you read this and tell me what you get from it
Your letter sounds very angry. And definitive in a way that does not leave room for honest open discussion with him for either closure or staying together. I'm not sure what your reacting to; meaning the situation that caused you to write the following:
stand up for pessimism wrote:One basic fact is that I can't trust you, and you really don't do anything to prove me otherwise, but hey, why should you!
<snip>
Anyway, i'm off now, and remember, don't email me back, i'll just erase it, don't show up at my work at all, i'll get home on my own, and i'm not talking about this later or ever, so don't bother. Bye
If your looking to get his attention, you probably got it but not in a nurturing supportive way. If your looking for change, threats get old quickly. It's generally not wise to say things in anger. You send mixed messages and he most likely will not recognize your true intent.
The letter indicates "miserable" and "ambivalent" to an outside reader.
If it were addressed to me, like eBeth, I'd be making plans to move out.
You throw a lot of grievances on the table--then announce you don't want to talk about them.
I suggest you consider talking to a professional so you can sort things out in your own mind and be clear about what you really want.
sufp - take it from me. You can't change anyone. You can only change yourself and see what they do about it.
<Kick your ass out is what I discovered, but it wasn't working with me doing every damn thing either>
Pess... I read your dream and was gonna ask you if you were having commitment issues in your current relationship. That dream was pretty easy to read stuff into (Jes talked about a lot of it.) Are you terrified of being tied down, getting pregnant, being COMMITTED? (The whole penitentiary thing.)
I just ask 'cause I know a lot of people who have really bad commitment issues which are separate from the people they are with -- then it's not really about the problem with the person, it's the fact that the person seems really really cool. You were all happy about the 1-year anniversary, I wonder if you had an attack of "damn one year this is serious!!"
If any of this rings true, I really think you need to deal with that before you throw something away that could be a good thing.
If you haven't done so already.
Noddy- The reason I said I didn't want to discuss these things is because they have been discussed many times before, but he doesn't seem to take in what I say, and I know what he would say if we were to talk about it. I can always write better then I can talk, so I thought I would just vent on paper and decided to send it to him.
Soz- You are on a right track with the commitment thing. And yes, that one year anniversary scared the **** outta me. Reality finally kicked in a little harder. This is basically my first serious relationship, and of course i'm really scared. Sometimes I feel to young to be in this situation, and I think about moving on myself. I love him, I can see myself, yes, being with him forever. When our relationship is good, it'ssooo good. But when they get bad, they get bad, but it never usually lasts to long. We just moved in together aswell, in May, before that we only seen eachother on the weekends as he goes to college. So all of this is pretty soon, and very stressful at times. He is the first man I have lived with.
Since this letter I sent he's been paying more attention to the little things, and he got up and made me breaky the next morning. We decided to spend the day in the city because we never get to spend time together with work and stuff.
I do admit I have commitment problems at times, Is there some way to deal with it. It's not that i'm afraid he'll cheat on me, or he'll dump me, those are the farthest thoughts from my mind, it the feelings of wondering if i'm doing the right thing here. He's alot older then me, and has seen and done things that I havn't, things I thought I'd want to do. When I sit down and really think about it though, I don't want to leave and be a lone to do whatever it is i'd do. I don't want to throw away the best thing in my life. And i've been tryin to let go of the stupid things that bug me, but it seems the more I try, the more I freak out.
Thanks
Can I ask how old you are, and how old he is?
Could well be irrelevant, just curious.
How do you deal with commitment problems? Hmm. Not sure. The main way that I've seen my friends deal with it is mess up a really good relationship, kick themselves for a year or two or five, and then finally go into the next relationship with their eyes open and their maturity level kicked up several notches.
Living together is tough, that was probably the single biggest adjustment in my relationship with my now-hubby (we started living together about 8 months after we met and more than three years before we got married.) Living with a person is just tough, especially someone that you are intimate with. (I don't mean that euphemistically, just regular everyday intimacy that gives you less emotional and physical space.)
I dunno, is counselling an option? For you? Because seriously, that's a messed-up letter. I know this is harsh, but if that is a letter than can be written and absorbed in your relationship without causing a breach, I think that guy of yours is willing to put up with too much. And when one partner puts up with more than he or she should, that's not good for the relationship.
I'm 19, he's 29.
That letter was just me venting, it was just gonna be for me to release things, but I decided to send it to him because he had asked me to tell him what was bothering me. I may have over exagerated some, as being angry can help things look worse then they are.
He does put up with alot, I don't know how he can do it. Nothing is hidden from eachother, we both know how we feel about the relationship. He knows i'm scared and irrational at times, and he want s to stand by me and be here for me and wait as long as he has to. Sometimes I wonder if this is just an obsession to him or if he really is in love. That can happen. Although probably far fetched here, i dunno.
I know the letter is really really messed up. We all get a little messed up at times, we all have problems sometimes.
Oh, definitely, sorry if that came off as holier-than-thou. I've definitely been that messed up, and when I was about 19, too.
Wow, 19-29. And you met when it was 18-28. That's one of those age spreads where the chronology means a lot less than the time of life -- 38-48, for example, wouldn't be much of anything.
I dunno. The problem I see is that if he keeps putting up with stuff and putting up with stuff and if after putting up with it he then does more to try to make you happy -- that's what probably struck me most in this whole thing, that you wrote that letter and instead of YOU making HIM brekky and doing something he really wants to do as an apology for using him as an emotional punching bag, it's the other way 'round -- he's gonna snap at some point.
If you want advice on how to maintain the relationship, I'd say you have to start being a lot nicer to him. If you want advice on what's best for you, I'm not sure if this relationship is it.
But that's assuming you want advice, and I don't want to assume.
Well said Soz, Thanks for all your input. I know what I need to do, I just needed more help to let it really sink in, which is why I posted the letter here. I know I should have been the one kissing his ass, he just wouldn't let me. Besides, I have a lot of kissing ass to catch up on, thanks again.
Thanks for taking my comments so well, I was worried I was being too harsh. Good luck!
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