For dating 101, I recommend a more proactive approach. Subtleties will be covered in the more advanced classes. :wink:
I hear ya Bill....I was just trying to throw in another tactic. There are plenty of women out there who want a shy guy. I'm just saying, work it to the positive, be honest, and keep the charm up at the same time. I agree, numbers here might be best. That, and getting a routine down.
Bill and Cav have my advice--but from a manly point of view.
What is the point to sitting at home feeling rejected when you can go out in the great, wide world and practice getting accepted.
Good luck.
Actually, the idea of going out and meeting as many people as possible is Slappy's idea, too (can't recall where he said it, but I know he did). It's a very good idea. And don't just talk to women. Just talk to people. Good conversations, bad conversations, awkward silences and smooth give and take are all a part of communication and it helps to know what to do in all of these areas.
Go to places where there are people - the mall is a good choice but the park, the beach, school, are also places where human beings congregate. Hanging out at a place with few people will give you few choices. As has been said before, this is a numbers game. The more talks you have, the better off you're going to be.
Good grooming is helpful. You need not be at the cutting edge of fashion but you must look, sound and smell presentable. That means a shower every day (I know this might seem to be obvious, but it isn't to everyone), clean fingernails, clean teeth, neat hair (need not be short), neat beard or clean-shaven, that sort of thing. Clothes should be clean and not rumpled. Jeans are probably fine, as are khakis. Get away from anything too torn. You don't want to look like you just worked on the car or slopped the hogs.
The idea of having a few conversation topics is a very, very good one. Even if other people have already talked about whatever (stem cells, etc.), they haven't yet heard your perspective on things. If you don't sound like a windbag (e. g. don't sound like you're lecturing people), they'll want to hear more. Jokes are okay but they aren't necessary; it's better to have good subjects and then if a witticism comes up, fine. But don't go with prepared jokes as they might not go over well.
Anyway, I've more or less rehashed what's already been said. When my husband and I met, we talked for hours. I'm not saying that that will happen with the first girl you see or anything like that, but talking is THE first step.
Be patient. Be thick-skinned so that you can handle rejection. Be kind to people. Be attentive and listen to them.
And do let us know how you're doing. :-D
Wow, this has been great information -- Although I have 1 more problem, I do not know how to react - when the gal is with me, what am I to do? I don't want to make her bored, or think I'm a lamer, any suggestions? Like.. what kind of conversations should I make with her?? Any sugg.?
You are really gonna meet someone cool only after you are completely dissapointed by every advice given, and sufficiently disillusioned by importance of 'dating women' to not do everything possible just to get laid.
In short - when you quit all the bullshit of the peacock dance.
Until then, and following advice given, you'll meet some girls with the SAME problems you have.
Relative
Conversation? Ask her questions, to start with. Do you know what she's interested in? Find out! Ask her about what kind of foods she likes...ask about her family...ask about her classes at school...etc.
It might help if you don't try to talk to her as a "girl," and just try to relate to her as a "person."
...and people love it when you
listen to what they're saying ... when you're genuinely interested & respond to their words. Ask questions. Listen. Don't worry too much about working out a bunch of possible topic conversations. Communicate!
JNFILE,
Wow, lots of good advice, and some genuine a2k silliness.
Just a word from someone who has been a girlfreind and has had girlfriends. Try for girl friend first, then maybe romance. That's right be her friend, in fact you can have several female friends at one time and they can also be each other's friends too. Just don't take sides if they start getting nasty with each other. POed high school girls fight dirty.
Sam
1. not having a girlfriend before age 17 is not pathetic. most people arent even mature enough to have a relationship at this age imo.
2. I'd reitterate Noddy's advice on actually planning out things to mention. it may seem dorky but it's better than seeming dull and uncomfortable when you have nothing to say.
3. don't rush things. dont get freaked out if you dont have something to say for a minute. whatever you do dont make a move when it doesn't feel right.
4. when it feels right, youll know. if it feels right...dont hesitate to make that move.
Good advice, everyone. Thank you.
bookmark
HELP
HEY I NO IM ONLY 12 BUT IVE LIKED THIS GIRL FOR A YEAR AND ASKED HER OUT 2 MONTHS AGO AND SHE SAID NO
SUM1 PLZZ GIVE ME ADVISE!!!
HOPELESS MIKE
Ask her out again. If she says no then ask out someone else. Don't quit.
Hey, I'm new to the forum, but I totally feel you on this one. of course from the opposite, girl wanting guy deal, but still... I just thought that I would say that I really appreciate getting to know guys before anything else. I have to know that I enjoy being around them before agreeing to a date. So, try being friends first, and get to know the prospective girl(s). Good luck!
