I'm not dating anyone, but I'd like to have a go-to.

Reply Sun 18 Jan, 2015 04:26 am
Eager to improve my English, I try hard to pick up new expressions,
and I chanced to see the expression below.

"I'm not dating anyone, but I'd like to have a go-to."

Do you native speakers have no problems at all figuring out what that is
or you might want to ask for its clear meaning?

A go-to is, according to an online dictionary, the person you go to for sex on a consistent basis without it being a dating relationship.
( http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=go-to )

Surprised to realize that such easy and simple words 'go' and 'to' could mean something completely unexpected and interesting,
I wanted to use that expression to my friend whose English is, I think, as good as native speakers.

His response was, however, 'What the heck is that?'
He said he had never heard of that expression.

Naturally, I got curious whether the expression is so rarely used by even native speakers that most people might not understand it right away or it was just my friend who is to blame.

Is the expression I used seldom used and was it natural for my buddy to be puzzled not knowing that?

Simply, how common is that expression?

I'm looking forward to hearing anything from you.
I can hardly wait to know.

Thank you.
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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 719 • Replies: 14

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Reply Sun 18 Jan, 2015 04:31 am
Very common. I don't think I know any native speakers who would not understand it. It's not limited to sexual contexts. It just means your first choice in a certain situation to get a solution.

When it comes to breakfast, Waffle House is my go-to.
Waffle House is my g0-to for breakfast.
Tom is my go-to for legal problems.
Reply Sun 18 Jan, 2015 05:25 am
Thank you.

By the way, would the idiom be offensive when used,
like if I said to a girl with whom I have sex on a regular basis, ' You are my go-to.'?

She's my hole.
She's my go-to.

Are these two sentences almost the same and both are derogatory?
My book which deals only with American slangs introduced the first expression ,
but doesn't mention how much it could be offensive.

Reply Sun 18 Jan, 2015 05:39 am
That's a good question. I'm not sure if I have a good answer. It seems to me that if a guy and a girl had a "friends with benefits" relationship, both would know about it. In that case, it wouldn't be offensive. However, if she thought the relationship was more serious and committed, then she would be hurt to learn that she was just a "go-to."

"She's my hole" would be quite offensive to the girls/women I have known, unless it was clearly meant as a joke and she enjoyed that kind of humor.

I understand the problem with learning from books. They don't usually provide enough context or nuances that a learner needs in order to use the expressions like a native speaker would.
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Reply Sun 18 Jan, 2015 10:43 am
A lover, fwb, or booty call all would fit your description.

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Reply Sun 18 Jan, 2015 10:55 am
Have never heard a Brit use this expression, but sort of guessed that it meant someone to confide in/rely on.

Wouldn't have thought for one second that it had a sexual connotation, and am probably old fashioned enough to think that it is still cool and groovy to refer to such a person as a friend with benefits.

"go-to" is therefore an Americanism, I would guess. No doubt our young will be using it as everyday language soon, if not already.
Reply Sun 18 Jan, 2015 07:07 pm
Ah. I should've made it clear that I've never heard it used in a sexual context, either. I don't see why it couldn't be, though. I would expect it to be said between same-sex friends about a third party, given that it's so potentially offensive.

And there's one other context that may or may not be relevant: A motorized telescope mount with software that finds celestial objects for you is called a "go-to" mount.
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Reply Sun 18 Jan, 2015 07:17 pm
I've never heard that expression used in any kind of relationship situation, sexual or otherwise.

I wouldn't recommend trying to use it.
Reply Sun 18 Jan, 2015 07:19 pm
You could pretty much expect to get slapped if you said that a woman is your hole.

No one here would know what you meant if you said "you are my (sexual) go-to" (and it would be weird to talk to someone like that in any case).
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Reply Sun 18 Jan, 2015 07:56 pm
SMickey wrote:

She's my hole.

Do not EVER, I mean EVER call a woman that.

That is extremely offensive.
Frank Apisa
Reply Sun 18 Jan, 2015 08:58 pm
Funny...I posted in another thread using the "go-to" phrase earlier today.

"We've got to stop meeting like this" is my go-to line often. It is a very handy line in everyday life.

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Reply Sun 18 Jan, 2015 10:24 pm
I'll keep that in mind.

I neither have heard of it nor will I ever use it myself.
I saw that from my book dealing with slangs,
and I can easily sense it's very offensive.

Thanks for the advice.
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Reply Sun 18 Jan, 2015 10:27 pm
I could tell it was rude,
though I wasn't sure how much offensive it could be.

Now that you said it's 'extremely offensive',
I will never ever use that, I swear.

Thanks for letting me know.
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Reply Sun 18 Jan, 2015 10:42 pm
I knew what "go to" meant, but I don't think I've ever heard it just by itself. The most common usage I've heard is "go to person", and it means the person of choice you go to in a particular situation, when you need help, or when you're puzzled or don't know where else to turn. No particular sexual connotation to it, but by extension I suppose it could have the sexual referent. With no context, "she's my go to" would not necessaruly convey any sexual meaning. Maybe she's the one who's a great cook. Or untangles your finances. "friends with benefits" would probably be more widely understood, and I have actually heard it used, though it feels like more of a media construction rather than actual usage.
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Reply Mon 19 Jan, 2015 12:47 am
I was asked what I thought about having casual sex you think she really meant she wanted me to be her Go-To?
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