Should I break up with my bf

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I have been with him for 8 years and we have lived together for 2 years.. When I bring up marriage he shuns the topic like I'm his mom trying to have "the sex talk" He says "yes I want to marry you and yes I will ask you." But it will be 9 years in August.. we live in a nice apartment in Beverly Hills both have good jobs.. I am not pressuring him to have kids.. I just want the commitment.. But we are rarely intimate anymore.. Are we just in a slump or is it over? I love him and don't want anyone else.. But he doesn't include me in things like work events.. or dinners.. I feel left out.. I tried to express this to him and he says "you don't get it." So I asked him to make me understand..

He wouldn't BUT I do get it. It's business but it's ok for his bosses husband to attend these dinners.. I have anxiety and knots in my stomach feeling unwanted.

I am a Sagittarius and I am a natural born adventure seeker.. he won't do ANYTHING with me. No travel, no fun activities. It's like a chore to him. I need HELP!

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 743 • Replies: 8

@castingonlinedaters,

Why are you hitching your wagon to this star? It's been over 3/4 of a decade and you've got some pretty big compatibility issues.

They won't get any better once you're Mrs. Guy Who Doesn't Take You to Work Dinners and Won't Talk Marriage and Is Rarely Intimate with You and Minimizes Your Concerns Without Properly Addressing Them.

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@castingonlinedaters,

castingonlinedaters wrote:

I have been with him for 8 years and we have lived together for 2 years.. When I bring up marriage he shuns the topic like I'm his mom trying to have "the sex talk" He says "yes I want to marry you and yes I will ask you." But it will be 9 years in August.. we live in a nice apartment in Beverly Hills both have good jobs.. I am not pressuring him to have kids.. I just want the commitment.. But we are rarely intimate anymore.. Are we just in a slump or is it over? I love him and don't want anyone else.. But he doesn't include me in things like work events.. or dinners.. I feel left out.. I tried to express this to him and he says "you don't get it." So I asked him to make me understand..

He wouldn't BUT I do get it. It's business but it's ok for his bosses husband to attend these dinners.. I have anxiety and knots in my stomach feeling unwanted.

I am a Sagittarius and I am a natural born adventure seeker.. he won't do ANYTHING with me. No travel, no fun activities. It's like a chore to him. I need HELP!

It sounds like you should move on. Maybe you already know this but your attachment and love to your current situation is difficult. Change is always hard. Why not find someone who enjoys the adventure and wants to enjoy it with you? Who won't leave you out of social events. You should face this.

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@jespah,

But I don't even know how to break up with him. I how do I know if I am making the right decision. I'll be 31 this year, but I am not the type to care what others think or how they will react. I don't know how to end a relationship this long. It kills me.. and the worst part is I don't think he will even care. I would hate to lose his friendship above all else.

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@castingonlinedaters,

castingonlinedaters wrote:

I don't know how to end a relationship this long. It kills me.. and the worst part is I don't think he will even care.

That's probably the best part.

You could just walk away and it doesn't seem like he would even notice for a few weeks, or months....

In any event, by your response it obvious you don't want to break up. You simply want someone to tell you how to make it better, and for him to commit and change.

That's not going to happen with him.

What incentive does he have to make things any different? None.

0 Replies

@castingonlinedaters,

castingonlinedaters wrote:

. I just want the commitment..

But we are rarely intimate anymore.

But he doesn't include me in things like work events.. or dinners.. I feel left out..

.. I have anxiety and knots in my stomach feeling unwanted.

No travel, no fun activities.

It's like a chore to him.

you don't have fun, don't travel, feel unwanted, feel left out, are rarely intimate

and you want a commitment

_________

Kind of hard to figure out what exactly you think strangers can do to help you with that combination of facts.

0 Replies

@castingonlinedaters,

Why should he ask you to marry him? You've been living together for two years, so what's the big deal? Why should he commit when his needs are being met without the commitment?

So, you live together, are rarely intimate anymore, he goes off for work events without you and when you tell him you feel left out he turns it back on you and says "you don't get it." And you want to marry him? This is the life you want?

I think he is right. You just don't get it.

0 Replies

@castingonlinedaters,

castingonlinedaters wrote:

But I don't even know how to break up with him. I how do I know if I am making the right decision. I'll be 31 this year, but I am not the type to care what others think or how they will react. I don't know how to end a relationship this long. It kills me.. and the worst part is I don't think he will even care. I would hate to lose his friendship above all else.

Well you are not relying on him financially right? Didn't you say you have a career? So you can look for a place to move. Take it one day at a time. Plan. What's the alternative? You finally get him to commit yet he continues with this same behavior that isn't making you happy?

You would rather give up the adventure just so you can be with someone who doesn't want you around in social events? You honestly think it will get better if you get married? You can't fix a guy or turn him into what you want, he will resort back to his base level at some point and you will be unhappy again.

You are better off moving on. There could be the guy out there "waiting" to take you on adventures but you are too busy trying to fix the guy you are currently with. Maybe you are worried about your age being a factor on finding someone but it's not.

Find a place to live. Take time to be comfortable with yourself and you can find that guy who has the interests that you have. It is possible and it is risky but worth it for your own happiness.

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"I hate to lose his friendship above all else."

What friendship? He no longer is "into" you. He doesn't get it, either.

Break this off.

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Should I break up with my bf

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