flirting with men you don't want & not being able to reject a guy

Forums: Relationships
Email this Topic • Print this Page

Hi everyone, I'm new here (from Europe/don't speak English so well)...so I hope I can sketch my situation and question clearly:

I have a very high libido and I'm very honest about it. I'm in a relationship but I love to talk about sex with men & women, always in a funny way & I love to listen to other people talking or joking about sex. It's so much fun.

Sometimes I guess I'm flirting and some men misinterpret my flirting, assuming that I want to sleep with them. When they tell me they want to have sex, I just feel to guilty to reject them...because 'me and my big mouth'...

This is what happened to me recently (& it's not the first time): at a party I was sitting with 3 guys I didn't know & one guy was really hot, so I flirted with him (very obvious flirting!), but I also talked to the other guys. Funny & sexy conversations (& dancing with the hot guy afterwards).

The next day one guy added me on fb (not the hot one :/) & he basically told me that he thinks I'm hot & fantasized about me. I was flattered but kind of surprised because I flirted with his friend and not at all with him. (He's married btw)

I could not tell him that I don't feel attracted to him. So when he said 'you're pretty'...I said 'thank you, you're good looking too' UGH, why did I do that? And instead of saying 'I don't want to have sex with you' I said stuff like 'I don't cheat on my man' ...& he was like 'yeah but he doesn't have to know about it' ... (all the time I was thinking I like your hot friend a lot more)
I do this all the time. I can't say NO. And then I think: if a guy would flirt with me & he would first make me all hot and say that he thinks I'm attractive...it would hurt if he then suddenly would reject me. I REALLY don't want to do that to a man. I don't want to be a tease....but I always seem to be flirting too much...go too far..It's like I CAN'T CONTROL it, so frustrating.

It's also...most of the time I don't even start the flirting, but I ALWAYS flirt back, in a funny way, but still...

So now I told him that I will give him a blowjob if I decided not to cheat on my man. (I know it's also cheating) And I'm hoping he will be okay with just a blowjob (goodbye guilt (not really)).

He told me that it was okay if I don't have sex with him and he still would like me as a friend. First I felt relieved but then he just started to talk dirty again every time :s and before I know it I'm laughing and saying things I should not say.

Sorry for my very long story (hope it's okay :s) I'm not really sure what my actual question is.

I wonder if more (wo)men have this problem...and also feel guilty after flirting with someone...

What do you men think: if you flirted with a girl and she was kind of afraid to reject you? Better or be honest?

Has someone had the same problem as me?

Any advice? (not about cheating, my man does it too)

Thank you so so much!

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 1,213 • Replies: 17

[+3] - ossobuco - 01/05/2015I don't mean to be mean, but his not being mad isn't really a fix to your larger problem, which is that your behavior is cock teasing. Not cute, unless of course you mean to engage. Someone...

You don't say how old you are . . . but you are heading down the wrong path at a very fast pace.

You come on to married men, tell men you will perform oral sex on them, flirt by talking sex to groups of guys and all along, claim that you "can't control it"??

LOOK at what you have become!

1 Reply

@Petite girrrl,

You are not really flirting, you are coming onto men when you offer them
a blow job. Flirting is something subtle, making eye contact, displaying certain body language.

You talk about sex and are surprised when men take you by your word and you feel bad and don't want to reject them? You're one step away from a hooker.

2 Replies

@PUNKEY,

Hi

Thank you for your reply and honest opinion. You're probably so right, I'm kind of messed up...

I guess I know, that's why I posted this (impulsively)...I'm now actually looking for a way to end the flirting...although I have gone way too far, with the talking about oral sex...and too many private things..

This guy is going to be so mad at me...

I'm 31. My friend is 15 years older then me.

The flirting or actually 'flirting back' I really can't control :/// only if I lock myself in the house and don't go out :/

But I haven't cheated on my friend...yet

When I was single I use to do stupid things I didn't want...actually that's how how met the man I'm in a relationship right now.

0 Replies

@CalamityJane,

Yes you a right. The 'offering of a bj' did came after he flirted with me and I did not know how to react to it...I mean I just went a long and then I kind of ...I don't know...I thought to myself 'oh no after all this talk, I can't back down'
something like that. and instead of saying I'm not interested I said the complete opposite of what I want.

I can't even understand myself...

I did flirt with another guy but not with this guy. (I think?)...what I meant with talking about sex: It actually started of with this 'hot guy' complaining about his gaining of weight...and I laughed and said he still looked good...and one thing led to the other. These guys were joking about 'sizes' so I was giving my opinion and saying what women I knew want in a guy...I thought it was all really funny (and innocent???)

It was these typical men talk but I was talking like 'one of the guys'

0 Replies

@CalamityJane,

I guess I should not even feel guilty towards that married man that wants to have sex with me. But I don't have the guts to say 'no', I make up excuses so it seems like I'm saying 'I want to but I'm not gonna' and I'm making it worse that way...because he thinks he still has got a chance with me. Pretty dumb of me. He told me 'every' men fantasizes about other woman and they try to control it...but now he can't. He keeps contacting me.

I'm an idiot..You know I feel like one of those stupid men that can't reject a woman that comes on to them. I feel I can relate to those weak men. But I'm the weak woman here.

1 Reply

@Petite girrrl,

I'm not sure why you've posted here.

You seem quite comfortable with what you're doing.

If you don't like it, you will find a way to change your behaviour.

1 Reply

@Petite girrrl,

To be clear - what you have described is not flirting - it is leading people on in a sexual way.

It's not cute, it's not funny, it's misleading if you don't intend to follow through on the sexual promises you are making.

It's not flirting. Flirting is light and non-sexual in nature.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

Thank you very much for your reply ehBeth

I'm posting here because I'm not comfortable with what I'm doing. I can see it's hard or maybe impossible for you to understand that. If I was okay with my behaviour I would not go posting all this on a forum looking for opinions or answers to my question.

I'm very confused with my own behaviour. It's kind of like being drunk and saying things that you regret when you're sober...I don't know how to explain it. I am trying to understand myself and why I did what I did, if I don't how can I change myself?

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

I did not even know that flirting is non-sexual...

So when I give a men compliments about how he looks and dresses for example..I am already misleading this guy?

You know what, I'm sorry, you don't have to answer this, I'm going to look up what 'flirting' means. I really thought talking & joking about sex was okay. I do it with women too and also complimenting them, I do it to everyone. It's not like I'm saying I want this or that from you...no not at all.

The oral sex comment had nothing to do with the flirting. That, I know is not flirting at all. That came way after the flirting (or what I thought was flirting) when the guy made it very clear to me he wanted something from me...and kept on saying stuff like that and I kind of panicked and said 'I'm not going to but i can give you a ...instead' now I regret I said that.

0 Replies

@Petite girrrl,

If you recognize that your behaviour is inappropriate and what to change it, you may need to seek professional help.

You may need a therapist to work with you on behavioural modification.

1 Reply

I just wrote an e-mail to this guy and told him I don't want to meet him and I don't want sex and I'm not going to give him oral sex.
I said his wife is beautiful and nice and he should just stay with her, respect her and if he has fantasies just keep them to himself.

I feel 'kind of' relieved now, I will see how he responds.

At least I was very clear. I apologized and said it was wrong for me to act so impulsively and having a big mouth. I told him I'm not going to talk with him because I can not guarantee that we'll end up in the same conversations. I said that it's wrong from me to talk about sex and personal things but I never think too much before I blurt something out. I think I'm funny when I say it but afterwards I feel like ****.

But know I have to do something about myself so I won't do this to someone else again. It's terrible.

Thank you all very much for replying to my post. I will def. update if you want what will happen next.

0 Replies

@ehBeth,

Thank you ehBeth
I think I will. I don't have the money for professional help yet, I think.
But I realize something is not right. I think it's great that you all give your honest opinions and it's better for me to hear the hard truth, instead of me trying to rationalize this. It's really helpful.

0 Replies

@Petite girrrl,

Quote:

So now I told him that I will give him a blowjob if I decided not to cheat on my man. (I know it's also cheating) And I'm hoping he will be okay with just a blowjob (goodbye guilt (not really)).

Are you good giving blowjob?

I'm interested.

1 Reply

@carloslebaron,

I'm the best! I think :p men have told me :p I like it A LOT

Oh NO see what I do???? so NOT funny I guess, but hey I don't know you, so whatever

0 Replies

Well

I got an answer to my e-mail. He's not mad at all, he's fine with it and wants to be friends. He still likes me as a friend and said I was right...he wasn't thinking straight & got carried away. He had sex with his wife & said he fantasized about me and that was 'also fun'.

What a relief!

1 Reply

@Petite girrrl,

I don't mean to be mean, but his not being mad isn't really a fix to your larger problem, which is that your behavior is cock teasing. Not cute, unless of course you mean to engage.

Someone some day may take you at your words and then be angered if you say No and act on that anger. It's true that No means No, but this stuff is foolhardy.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

No, thank you vey much, I like your honest opinion. If you need to mean, so be it.

I've been thinking a lot these last days. A lot a lot.

I was not 'always' like this, but I never said 'no'...kind of a pushover.
When I was a young teenager I was kind of shy actually and when a guy said things to me that were not respectful or asking things they shouldn't I remember being very shocked but I did not even react to it. So they kept on saying things like that.

Some guys notice that really fast...if you can't say 'no'

I totally forgot how I use to be back then...I'm thinking about all my actions then and now...

For the situation right know:
I guess this guy knows me better then me, or how do I have to explain it..uhm, it's like he knew it was going to be this way? He said 'well I guess you are feeling a lot better that I don't expect you to give me oral sex'. He laughed about the whole thing.
He's been texting me, just in a friendly non-sexual way. But I'm not reacting for now.

I have a lot of thinking to do about myself and why I act this way.

So strange to be this age and still be so dumb, I mean do these kind of things and not even knowing why.

You are right, someday someone will get angry or will not put up with this...

But you know, it happens SO FAST (even if you don't believe me), I'm telling the truth. When a guy comes on to me...or jokes about sex, I seem to always say things back, it's really without thinking I say something like that...It's like me watching myself on the outside of myself, thinking 'what did you just say? stop it!' but then of course it's too late.

0 Replies

flirting with men you don't want & not being able to reject a guy

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know