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I don't know what to do for the best! Please advise!

 
 
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 12:25 pm
Hi everyone,

I have been friends with the most wonderful guy for about 7 years now. At the start we were just acquaintances, but for the last 4 years, we have been close friends. A few years ago, he moved away for work and I was gutted when he left. Nothing changed between us though, our friendship remained the same. There was a possibility of us getting together for some no strings attached fun when he was back for the holidays, but I had recently started seeing someone (just dating, nothing serious). When I told my friend that I didn't think we'd be having this fun, he did not want to see me at all and kept cancelling any plans we had. I was devastated because he doesn't live close at all. Anyway, I sent him a letter describing how I feel about him in the hope that he would come around but I think it wierded him out completely as our communication has not been the same since. He left again without seeing me, and I made it known how upset I was about the whole thing, but we agreed to stay good friends. My dad may be going to a city near where he lives on business and asked me to find out if he had recommendations for accommodation - he replied "wow, that's a strange coincidence" when I asked. I think he believes that I am making it up, and he ended the conversation. He has not tried to make communication in a few days. However, I am not making it up. I think that I maybe came on too strong at the holidays and have scared him off. My parents were thinking of planning a trip at Easter and asked if my brother and I would like to go too. It would mean going close to where he lives. I don't know if it is a good idea or not, because if I go, will he think that I have only gone to see him? (Maybe because I didn't get to see him at the holidays and was sad about it, he might think that I would travel to another country just to see him). If I do go and he says that he doesn't want to see me, or doesn't have time, I will be devastated because it would effectively mean the end of our friendship if he couldn't make that small effort to see me when I am in the place that he lives. However, I don't think it would be right to go and not tell him that I was close by. It would be a shame to be so close and not ask if he fancied catching up. Please help, I am driving myself crazy over this. If it is of any significance, he is a gemini. Thank you!
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 02:00 pm
@fliffypinkalien,
When you informed him that his visit would not include a booty call, he bailed.

When you told him you needed information on accommodations for your father's business trip, this guy thought it was all about him.

Uh, why is he such an awesome guy again?
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
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Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 02:11 pm
@fliffypinkalien,
fliffypinkalien wrote:
There was a possibility of us getting together for some no strings attached fun when he was back for the holidays, but I had recently started seeing someone (just dating, nothing serious).

When I told my friend that I didn't think we'd be having this fun, he did not want to see me at all and kept cancelling any plans we had.


I'm not sure why you're asking about this guy. If you're not into the booty call, he's not into spending time with you.
0 Replies
 
fliffypinkalien
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 06:33 pm
@fliffypinkalien,
Thanks for your comments. I know it sounds really bad, but we have been good friends for a long time - he is a lovely person, and I cannot imagine not having him in my life. I wish I knew how to get our friendship back on track from before the holiday disaster Sad
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 06:47 pm
@fliffypinkalien,
He may be a lovely person, but right now he's only interested in you if you're going to be a fuckbuddy when he's in town.

It's hard to go back from a position like that.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 06:48 pm
@fliffypinkalien,
fliffypinkalien wrote:
A few years ago, he moved away for work and I was gutted when he left. Nothing changed between us though, our friendship remained the same.


I think that the reality is that a lot of things changed when he moved away for work and you need to deal with that.
0 Replies
 
fliffypinkalien
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 07:01 pm
@ehBeth,
@ehBeth, I guess it's hard to deal with that when he means something to me, perhaps I'm finding it difficult that our friendship isn't worth as much for him Sad
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  0  
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 07:50 pm
If I were you, I would contact him and ask him for lunch - any activity in a public place.

You two need to re-connect, so you can start over - even as friends.

Make sure you both have the correct view about your relationship. From what you posted, you pushed him away from even seeing him because you were dating someone else. What was he supposed to think?

Do YOU think he wanted you only for sex?


chai2
 
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Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 07:54 pm
Sounds like she's already done the equiv. of that.

You say it's hard to accept, but it's what needs to be done by you.

Obviously his idea of the friendship was not the same as yours.

Move on.
0 Replies
 
Greenshoes
 
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Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2015 08:00 pm
Im really sorry to be harsh here, but I think you are flogging a dead horse. I think you should move on, put him behind you (as I believe he is trying to do with you) and develop a wonderful relationship with someone who wants to put as much effort into the relationship as you. If you really can't do this being keen in any way will push him further away. If he does have any thoughts or feelings about you he will reach out. And if he does not reach out - it speaks volumes - you should move on.
0 Replies
 
fliffypinkalien
 
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Reply Sun 4 Jan, 2015 04:27 am
@PUNKEY,
Hi Punkey,
After saying that I was seeing someone, I asked him if he still wanted to catch up and he said yes, our friendship was worth more than just wanting some fun and at the end of the day, we are good friends. Then he bailed on each plan me made until he had to leave again.
0 Replies
 
Ice veins
 
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Reply Thu 20 Apr, 2017 01:38 pm

1. It's obvious that your vagina is more important than your friendship.
2. I know it's hard to break loose, but if you do break ties with him. It's you in the drivers seat.. He will be back in your life at some point. It's win it all or loose everything.
0 Replies
 
 

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