I need advise about cheating! I need to talk to someone!!!!

Forums: Relationships, Cheating, Advice
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I don't really have a question. I just need to talk n then hear what u all have to say... I've been w my bf for 10 years now. I've never caught him actually sleeping w someone but I've caught him texting girls from craigslist, back page and other websites. The thing is is I talk to him bout how much I hate it when he gets on the net to watch porn talk to girls whatever Cuz it always leads to more, and weve had these problems a few years ago. IDC bout porn but on the internet I do cuz it always leads to more. Just a week ago we were having a heart to heart n he told me he doesn't do it. And then I find that he's looking for women around where we live to hang out have sex whatever. Then I found 2 weird numbers he was texting. So I asked him n he tried to lie to me like he always does. I do not trust him at all. Why do men do this? I feel like the ugliest girl ever when he does this. My heart just wants to fall out!!! What do I do!?! Should I leave him and our lives. I've been w him since I was 17 and I love him so much, but I hate feeling like this. He always says hell stop but he never does! Please help me!!

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 1,172 • Replies: 13

No - not all men do this, so get over that.

Why do you stay with a man who you don't even trust?

You have been with him since 17? Now 10 years later, you find yourself you are looking at WHO you are - and it's not with a man who is addicted to porn.

Listen to your heart on this one. Self survival is important here.

He is NOT going to change.

1 Reply

@smalls0509,

You've been together from your 17 to your 27? It is going to be helloova hard to leave him, but I am feeling you need to.
See, for him looking for other thrill - what are you looking for in future?
He had not married you yet, so chances are minimal. And for the best.
You don't need a man who is looking to hook up with several women in the neighborhood. I know it is easy to say and almost impossible to done it but run, baby. Get ready, set, go.
Even if he will promise to stop he will never stop. You aren't enough for him.
He is probably bored. But he is comfortable with you 'just talking' to him about it and staying where you are. Think what future holds with this man.
Good luck. My heart goes on to you but...nothing I can do about it.

1 Reply

@Eliusa,

Its even harder then u think we have 2 boys together! A 9 year old and a 5 year old. I don't know anything but him. We moved to Minnesota from Iowa a couple years ago and I know no one here. I work at a subway so I don't make a whole lot of money. I couldn't support my boys n myself alone. I've never been alone! I just don't understand y he does this to me! He knows it hurts me, he knows I'd find out but he still does it!!! And all he says is I'm sorry I won't do it again. Heard that a million times! Sad

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@PUNKEY,

Its more then porn!!!! He was texting ppl, I dont know what they said in the messages but I know they were from craigslist and they lived close to us. So for all I know maybe they met up!

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@smalls0509,

Anybody you have back home? I am so sorry, I am sure someone here can be better help. Ask him what is that he is looking for? Maybe you got it Wink

Is he working?
He will must pay child support...think!

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@smalls0509,

This really is rather simple. Look at the life you are currently living. If you are happy living this way, then stay with him. But expecting him to change after 10 years of doing this is not realistic. Possible, but not likely. If you are not happy then what stick around.

If you have family that can help back in Iowa, go there. Talk to a lawyer to see what your options are and what child support/alimony you could reasonably expect. Yes, financially you may struggle. But sometimes it is worth it for your emotional well being.

Good luck to you.

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@smalls0509,

Do you attend a church where you could speak to a pastor about your options?

Have you talked to your friends/family back in Iowa about the possibility of your returning there?

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@smalls0509,

Sweetheart ...why don't you feel like the smartest girl ever. Who gives a crap if a guy can't appreciate you. There are thousands of guys who would love to have a gal like you.....stop hating yourself for not being what one dude wants you to be....way too many choices out there.

1 Reply

@Germlat,

I just wish it was like it was back when we first got together.... no smartphones, tablets, WiFi, craigslist!!! We share a phone so I know pretty much everything he doesm I also really wanna know y they do it? Wanna have sex w someone they haven't even seen! I couldn't imaginehaving sex w someone I had no feelings for! Gross!!!! I'm not perfect either I cheated on him w an ex more then twice... But I told him cuz the guilt was killing me. And i did this cuz he was doing exactly what hes doing now, then but worse ****! And i couldnt take it so i found someone that made me feel wanted! He left me for a weeek and went and had fun, partied, didn't care bout me or the boys! Until he was ready to come back. We promised each other we were gonna change! We moved to a diffrenet state, starting over! Went good for a couple months... And here we are now! I've changed I've grown up and I'm ready to b that happy family I wanna b, but hesmaking it very hard

1 Reply

@smalls0509,

You aren't listening to what people tell you here.
You have two options: either stay and accept his behavior or you leave!
He will not change and you will not accept it, so you are at a standoff here.
Don't ask yourself why he is cheating, it doesn't matter! All you should be concerned about is your 2 children and yourself.

1 Reply

@CalamityJane,

U guys make it sound so easy! Its not! It'll be the hardest thing I ever do! I love him

2 Replies

@smalls0509,

We all realized that you love him, it's never easy to leave a relationship,
but he is using you and you allow it - that's far worse. He is taking advantage of your love and sooner or later, you will have to come to the same conclusion that you deserve better than this.

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@smalls0509,

You are in a place you know nothing about. You have no friends. You're a Mother with two small children and work in addition. Off course you are feeling down and out, just on that frontage.

I bet, if you were able to have him look after the kids and you hit the gym or took a class of something you have passion about, you'd not feel so down in fact you'd feel that you own something, yourself.

If you are not ready to leave then make other changes. Changes for you. You didn't state whether he works or not, just that you do.

Think back to when you were 17, what was your passions? Then go and start one of them via a course, mingle in places where you can make friends.

The moment he realises you aren't just going to sit there, work, watch all of this, tend to the kids but also have "a life" is the moment in my opinion he's going to realise what he has.

Remember though, you both cheated and this was meant to be a fresh start, that's not easy hon. Things take time.

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I need advise about cheating! I need to talk to someone!!!!

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