Tue 30 Dec, 2014 05:54 am
I don't know what specifically I'm needing advice for, so I can't give you a straight up question.. I just really need an opinion on my situation from someone who doesn't know me, someone who won't be biased.. You'll have to read through this kinda long introduction about me, so don't blame me if you get bored along the way
Anyway, I'm an 18 year old and I'm in my sophomore year in college.. unlike in other countries, college students in my country still live with their parents, so.. yeah, I still live with my parents..
and I come from a family who's religious, having strict parents with high standards (oh, and I have a step mom too)
Though we're doing okay so far, my relationship with my parents isn't exactly healthy.. I'm always forced to do stuff I don't want, resulting to my rebellious personality against my parents.. I mean, I know they're doing it for my own good, but sometimes(most of the time) their "rules" are down right ridiculous! (like, seriously, grounding me for coming home 5 minutes late after my 5pm curfew?!)
I don't rebel big time like smoke, drink alcohol, or do drugs.. I'm even a good girl! I study and keep my grades up, at least not below the passing grade.. I don't party late at night, I'd rather stay at home and read books or watch anime..Though I lie to them a lot and don't obey everything they tell me..
but recently, I did something that really pushed their buttons..
idk how, but they found out I had sex with my boyfriend.. Hey! I know other cultures don't find it a big deal, but to our culture, it is...
So now, they stopped supporting me and don't pay my tuition in school..
they still let me stay here at home, and things are actually the same, except that they just don't give me money at all.. No allowance for school, etc etc.
Though surprisingly, I'm getting by just fine for almost 3 months now.. I found a part time job as an art teacher, and my boyfriend helps me when I'm in need of extra money.. So I'm still able to continue my schooling, what a miracle!
Well, that's all I can tell you..
I don't want to add more boring details.. I just need some thought on my situaton.. Is it crazy? Should I humble myself and give up the person I love and beg for my parents to support me again? or what?
Please share your insights, thanks!
Okay you scared off most the people with a long intro.
I am going to assume that you are in a middle Eastern country, probably Israel based on not immediately being killed, also not Asia proper do to religious beliefs and sex customs.
So what I say is your life is normal, that is for an American. You should move in with boyfriend and let him support the bills. Your parents will eventually accept your decision (unless they have been trying to force it, in which case they will have already done so.).
P.S. Your boyfriend might have slipped or your parents were trying the old throw it out there and see if it sticks.
Post back this is a great story.
okay, the intro IS pretty long.. but thanks so much for reading it and leaving a comment.. oh, and I'm actually from the Philippines..
hmm, I really feel a lot better from how you see my situation though.. thanks! I'll go try your advice
we're saving up money right now actually, and I'm applying for a scholarship on January.. so I hope things turn out okay
Okay then. But that's strange a 5pm 🕔 curfue and your posts are so early in the morning strange. Anyway I'm glad I could help.
It's actually 9pm here right now in our country, so that's that.. haha
First thing is making sure you are on contraception. Your parents may fear someone else may not want to marry a girl who's no longer a virgin. They may also think your boyfriend may tell others and you might wind up with a bad reputation. I think no matter what, your parents are simply trying to protect you. Even if it may seem harsh. Good for you for remaining in school, getting a job and applying for scholarships. How old are you if you don't mind my ask inking?
It's too bad that your parents have chosen to punish you by not paying your tuition or giving you funds to live on. The fact that you have taken care of both of these issues is to your credit.
I suppose that they are confused that their young daughter, who stays home and watches TV or reads, even has a boyfriend, much less having sex.
Do they even know this boy? Is he in school?
Guess I will tell you what I always told my kids. My house, my rules. If you don't like them, feel free to support yourself and move out. Simple.
Seems like you have chosen to support yourself since you don't like their rules. Kudos to you. You seem to be making plans to move out. Fantastic. You are being an adult about the situation and should be commended for not getting all whiny here and crying about how your parents are being unfair.
We so seldom see young people taking responsibility for their actions that I like applauding when one does. Trust me, your parents may not agree with the choices you are making, but they will respect you for being adult enough to accept the consequences of them.
Good luck to you.
Your long intro is fine.
My situation long ago was rather like yours. My university was nearby and not expensive, so I could live at home and work after classes. Lots of family travail, most not about me, but then I was quiet a lot back then.
My present caution for you is that early loves often don't work out, and that you need to plan your way ahead about your own goals.
Yes, I'm using contraception.. and I'm 18.. Well, it wasn't my boyfriend who told them, and I trust him for that.. we've already been through a lot
I know that they're trying to protect me, and I'm grateful for that.. Thank you for your insight though
I'm trying to do better..
I guess I hafta learn the hard way right? ahaha.. oh well, thank you though
hmm, yeah.. they were actually shocked when they found out I had a boyfriend..
they already met him before they found out what I did though..
oh, and he goes to school too, he's a classmate of mine in one of our classes..
That's what my step mom always tell me, like.. the exact same words..
and I'm actually so tempted to run away but it's not that easy.. so yeah, I'm saving money first before I hurry things..
Thanks for the good luck, I really appreciate it
I'll do my best.. I'm actually staying out of trouble and just obeying my parents right now till I'm able to leave
You know my feels! ahaha..
hmm, yeah.. that's my worst fear right now, if my relationship don't work out.. but I'm confident
I just have to trust him.. thank you for the insight..
and dun worry, we use contraception..