Found out Ex got someone else pregnant...

Reply Fri 19 Dec, 2014 01:30 pm
Hi everyone, I am going through something awful and I really could use some help, so I decided to turn to this forum.

I dated my ex for about a year. We were inseparable. We became very close and spent a lot of time together. I was introduced to all his friends and his entire family. I was deeply in love. On September 10th of this year he told me cheated on me and then dumped me immediately after he told me. He said he needed to work on himself because he was unhappy with himself. He hardly gave me any details about the cheating, but I even offered to give him another chance. I have been walking around completely devastated and confused and racking my brain for the past 3 months. I couldn’t figure out why he hated me. I even offered to give him a second chance, but he didn't want it. I couldn’t figure out why he kicked me to the curb out of the blue, I couldn’t figure out why he was so unhappy with me. I could not for the life of me understand how we had become so close, and then he just completely turned on me and never looked back. I was the best girlfriend I could possibly be, I have honestly never done one wrong thing to him. I was always so loving and so caring. Well last Friday I found out some devastating news that answers all of my questions…

The girl he cheated on me with, he got her pregnant. He has known this girl since high school, so about 10 years and they have a history of hooking up together. Apparently she has always been in love with him. And he works with her. The thing is is that he would ALWAYS text this girl, but I always thought it was work-related. I didn’t even know they were the same age! I trusted him whole-heartedly. In March we became Facebook official, one month later he deleted his Facebook. Well now I know the real reason why. When I asked him why he replied “It’s nothing to do with you, I just don’t like people from work seeing my business because all they do is ask me a million questions.” We were so close, I felt like part of his family, so that’s why I’ve been constantly asking myself WTF HAPPENED?!?!

When I got home Friday night, I looked at her Facebook (Yes I know DUMB move), she is visibly showing, and there is a picture of the two of them as her cover photo. They are sitting on the couch, cuddling and holding hands. They look like two peas in a freaking pod. Seriously, they look SO happy together. I thought this couldn’t get any worse, and it got a million times worse. I know that I should feel lucky that I have nothing to do with this mess and that this will help me in the long run. I understand that, everyone has been telling me that. But the pain is so unbearable right now. It’s worse than when he dumped me. I can’t even explain it. I wanted to be the one he goes to ultrasounds with, the one he picks out a babies name with, the one that rubs my feet and takes care of me when I am pregnant. THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ME. But it’s someone else. And it all happened while I was with him, right behind my back. He could've been cheating on me the entire time. Our whole relationship was a lie. I am so devastated, I don’t know how I am EVER going to get over this.

He just looks SO happy. That picture is what really killed me. He would always tell me that he wants a family. Well, he got his wish. Now he’s going to run off into the sunset with this girl and live a happy life and their gonna make a family and live happily ever after with the rainbows and unicorns. I just can’t even put into words what I am feeling right now.

Yes, I know what you’re going to say, it’s a blessing in disguise, this will help me finally let go, I finally got the answer to all of my questions. I know I will come to realize all of that, but it is just too painful now. I never in a million years thought I would be in such a horrible position like this. I went bananas that night. I called about 20 times, left 2 voicemails, and sent about 4 text messages, and got no response at all. Yes I know I shouldn’t have done that either but I couldn’t control myself. I am SO incredibly devastated because now I will have to go through the grieving process ALL OVER AGAIN. I have to start back at square one. I can’t believe how much he effed up my life. Yes I know many of u will say I shouldn’t let him ruin me, but I can’t help it right now. I still feel very fragile. I just don’t know how I am going to get passed this. He just can't be happy. It's not an option. He got someone pregnant while he was dating somone else. This baby of his was made out of pure deceit and betrayal. I also found out he is having a boy. He would always say he wanted a boy first. Now he's going to get what he wants. This girl that has loved him for years got what she wanted. They even live together now. He is sharing a bed with this girl every night. She not only has him, but his child. They will always have that bond. She has won. I know it is a terrible thing to wish unhappiness on people, but I will just DIE if he lives happily ever after with this girl. He cheated on someone that was VERY good to him, and this is what happened. I hope it continues to get worse for him. I hope this is a punishment for cheating on someone who would have given him the world. Of course I would never want someone like this as the father of my children and I would never take him back, but it is just so unbelievably painful for me right now, because I loved this man with all my heart and soul.

Sorry this is so long, I just need help Sad
Reply Fri 19 Dec, 2014 01:55 pm
She got a lying cheater.

You got freedom.

When someone else turns his head, he may very well step out again.

In the meantime, delete all contact info, all Facebook stuff, everything to do with either of them. Burn his gifts or give them to charity.

And allow yourself to heal, possibly with the assistance of a professional.
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Reply Fri 19 Dec, 2014 02:09 pm
Sorry about getting dumped. I know that HURTS!!

Time does help - but I know you don't want to hear that.

You probably don't want to hear that you will be OK, too. You are not going to die from this . . .

All I ask is for you to take a REAL look at your relationship with him. For starters, he was a cheater!! (Actually, he cheated on both of you.) He MUST have done other things that gave you a hint that he was having a full blown relationship with her - time and money used to keep her, secrets, - cheaters are so sneaky!! There must have been others who knew, too. So he is a liar and a user of people.

I think that betrayal is a lot about humiliation, especially when they go to the arms of another person.

There are a lot of books and articles about getting over someone. You will be able to write a book about this in about 3 months.

Be good to yourself and let everyone know you are SINGLE and ready to MINGLE again, when you feel better. Take care.

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Reply Fri 19 Dec, 2014 02:25 pm
Sorry for the heartache. I doubt you deserved it. Here is the thing you need to remember - it wasn't about you. It wasn't that you weren't a great girlfriend or that you didn't love him enough or that he was unhappy with you. He got someone else pregnant and decided the best thing was for him to take on the fatherhood role. You know that if he stayed with you he would be continuously cheating with her right? If he stayed with you, he would still be the father and you would have had the other woman in your life - forever. Find someone who wants to put the two of you at the center of the relationship.
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