One foot in, one foot out of my relationship.

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I have been dating my boyfriend on and off for about 4 years but this past year has been solid. He has messed up multiple times, probably over 20 and I've given him a chance each time. He had been Facebook messaging women on a sport fake account for a while and i found out about it a few times and each time he would say he wouldn't do it again. he made so many dating accounts online and i found all of those too. I am going to be away on vacation with family for two weeks on dec 12th and don't know what to do since i obviously don't trust him. I have tried telling him that maybe we need to be separated because he needs to get the teenage boy out of his system without a girlfriend telling him no. I feel like since i say no and don't support him doing things like online dating etc, it makes him want to do them more. I just don't want to come home knowing that he probably messed up again. I love him very much, we are high school sweethearts but I just don't feel the spark anymore. I have no self confidence left, and i am constantly doing for him while i get nothing in return. I have every reason to leave but continue to make excuses to stay every damn time. I really need some help with this before I go crazy. I have done nothing wrong and have remained 100% faithful, and am turning to strangers for advice because my friends are limited (thanks to him). I'm begging for some genuine, open hearted advice. Thank you so much :/

(p.s: we are both 20 years old)

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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 1,033 • Replies: 7

He's a child.

He's moved out of playing video games into playing with women online.

The problem: it's you. Not him. He's showing what he is. He's obvious.

But . . . Why are you putting up with this kind of abuse? Is it that exciting? Do you need him to take care of?

This is not a relationship. It's a tolerance contest.

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@PUNKEY,

I feel like you described that perfectly. It is a tolerance contest 100%. And I think I'm at the point where I just don't feel like tolerating it anymore. I try and blame him for everything in a way because he doesn't get why I'm so upset. I don't trust him anymore and the spark is completely gone. We are too used to each other and I don think theres a right way out of this.

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@cass123,

cass123 wrote:

... I feel like since i say no and don't support him doing things like online dating etc, it makes him want to do them more....

(p.s: we are both 20 years old)

Wait, what?

He's upset because he has a girlfriend who won't let him troll online dating sites?

He may be unfamiliar with the concept of girlfriend.

Sorry to be flip; I'm sorry.

But you're right that he's acting like a teenager and to not trust him. He isn't trustworthy.

You're 20. You have your whole life ahead of you to meet someone else.

Why is your wagon hitched to this inconstant star?

PS Have fun with your family this month and use that time to think about the bullet you're dodging (assuming you call a halt to this nonsense). Consider this: breaking up at 20 means fewer wasted years, no kids get hurt, and you're young and attractive (I'm sure) and have prime opportunities to attract someone else.

This is a far tougher breakup at age 40.

1 Reply

@jespah,

Very true, I am young and I have been holding onto him for a long time now. I have tried telling him that I need to do whats best for me and try and get myself out there and do my own thing. Living with him hasn't made it easier, but he is still at his moms so i mean its not like I'm putting out an expense. I am just so stuck and don't know how to go about this. Every time i bring it up he acts out and thinks I'm just being insane and i don't want to come off that way, its just that so much builds up inside me and as soon as i can't take it anymore i break down. I have invested so much time into this guy its ridiculous. I give him everything, do anything, I'm a slave to him. I just don't want to feel so trapped anymore.

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@cass123,

Listen to this sage advice you're getting.
Get out of your cocoon and spread your butterfly wings.

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@cass123,

Life doesn't have to be this way.

The thing of it is, you'll get older and, if you get out, you'll look back and wonder why you bothered for so long. You'll wonder how and why it was important to you.

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@cass123,

cass123 wrote:

I am going to be away on vacation with family for two weeks on dec 12th and don't know what to do

perfect time to make a complete break with him

honestly, he sounds more like a 12 year old than a 20 year old in a lot of ways

not sure why you've stayed involved with him

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One foot in, one foot out of my relationship.

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