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Tue 25 Nov, 2014 04:42 pm
I met this guy a few months ago. a friend of a friend. And lately we really hit it off. We spend a lot of time together. I spent the last few weekends entirely with him. We chat and text every day, we meet on any possible occasion, we go to movies together, gallery openings, museums, various events, to dinners, lunches, breakfast even, etc.. We went out drinking and dancing few times. Sometimes just the two of us, sometimes with other friends (no matter his friends or mine, we always invite each other). I am at his place very often, watching movies and sleeping there (separate beds mostly) every weekend for the last few weeks...
Once he kissed me on the forehead, like a really strong long kiss, not just a little peck (which I read is a sign of high appreciation, respect, adoration...or isn't it?) we also slept together cuddling a few times, and we made out once and he fingered me a couple of times as well...(we never actually had sex). And when we are sleeping and cuddling, he always holds me so tight and presses me against his chest and it feels so good and so right...but the the next morning we are "just friends" again. And it's not like he is using me for sex, cuz we aren't actually having sex...And last weekend for the first time we slept together in his bed all night holding each other (didn't have sex) and before that we watched movies cuddling tightly and he fingered me again, but this time it was much more intense and serious, not just some little game, but like full on fingering till I came, and I tried to give him at least a handjob, but he pulled away...so it's not like he is using me... And we are really good friends by now - we get a long great, we always have a great time together, we joke around and make each other laugh and we can talk about loads of serious things too...and then there are all these cuddles and fingers and kisses (he kissed me on the cheek a couple of times last weekend, never kisses me on the lips though - WHY IS THAT? - except that one time when we made out being drunk...)
So everything would be great except that by this time I really like him and have a major crush on him and I would love for this whole thing to turn out into something real, but I have no idea how I should handle all of this and even less ideas about what he thinks and what he wants... And he is a really really great guy, who I feel we could be great together, so I really don't want to screw this up....
Any ideas, suggestions advice and opinions are highly appreciated:) please, help me figure this all out.
@knotme,
I bet he's got a girlfriend, at least a long distance one, and has decided that mouth-to-mouth kissing and/or him having an orgasm = cheating, but kissing your forehead or bringing you to orgasm doesn't.
Ever just flat out ask him WTF is going on?
@jespah,
I dont think he could have a girlfriend, cuz we spent several entire weekends together like friday night to monday morning always being there with him, and he would never secretly call someone or text or anything, if there was girlfriend, think I would notice that. And then why the hell make me cum, is this like some favour to do for your friend?
I will have to just ask him directly I guess..maybe get drunk again and go for it, don't think I will have the balls to do it sober
@knotme,
Wait - you spend a lot of time with this guy, spend weekends with him, he fingers you - but won't kiss you and you say you don't have the balls to ASK him what's going on?
How about: "Hey, we spend a lot of time together, spend weekends with each other, you finger me, but you won't kiss me on the lips. What's up?"
PS. This is a long shot,but are you SURE he's a HE?
@knotme,
" I met this great guy who I spend a lot of time with but he does not seem all that interested in me...HELP".
So you need us to come over and ask him if he likes you for you?
Yeah, I know this sounds pathetic, but I am really shy and awkward about these things and just simply asking does he like me or not is terrifying.
cuz what if he says something else than I would like to hear and then it is all just awkward and we can never talk to each other again and I lose him as a friend...
but I told all this to a guy friend yesterday and I think he told me what's actually going on. He says that if a guy hasn't had sex for a long time, it becomes very nerve wrecking to him he becomes shy and nervous about it and scared to screw it up...(my friend even said, it's similar like being a virgin again..). and it's very likely that's the case, cuz his last relationship ended like a year ago or more and he is not one of those who will just sleep around with anything..
p.s. and I am sure he is a he:D
@knotme,
knotme wrote:
Yeah, I know this sounds pathetic, but I am really shy and awkward about these things and just simply asking does he like me or not is terrifying.
cuz what if he says something else than I would like to hear and then it is all just awkward and we can never talk to each other again and I lose him as a friend...
You need to try your best to get over this.
Relationships don't work if people can't communicate. And you will find your life utterly strewn with disappointments if you cannot ask for what you want.
Also, your friend's explanation only goes into the no-sex thing. It doesn't cover the no-kissing on the mouth thing. That's wacky and it throws up all sorts of red flags for me - as it should for you as well.
Not asking a question because you might not like the answer is
not better than not knowing.
@jespah,
thanks a lot for your answers. the no-kissing part also throws me all sorts of red flags...
gonna have to talk to just talk to him I guess and get over it:)
@knotme,
You can do it! /shakes pompoms/
Seriously, us female types need to stick up for ourselves.
Gotta run - godawfully early holiday travel - you can do this.
@jespah,
thanks again:) totally agree - we gotta stick for ourselves, just much more difficult when you're a hopeless romantic...But I'LL DO IT!
Have a great holiday!
@knotme,
What? Jespah gets a holiday just for answering a few questions?
If I'd known there was a prize I'd have jumped in earlier, and then packed my snorkel.
@knotme,
You have to talk to him.
It's got nothing to do with being a hopeless romantic. It's part of being an adult hoping to be in a relationship.
@knotme,
knotme wrote:what if he says something else than I would like to hear and then it is all just awkward and we can never talk to each other again and I lose him as a friend...
if saying something you don't like is enough to end the friendship, it's not much of a friendship
@knotme,
and do NOT do this
knotme wrote:
but I told all this to a guy friend yesterday
talk to the person involved
@ehBeth,
thank you. people keep saying "talk to him". must be the right thing to do. it's just we are both rather immature and awkward about things like this (though old enough) and we are both shy and very sensitive. so won't be easy....and I am just naively hoping to hear some sort of easy way to solve all this, that I had no idea about before....
@knotme,
Talking is good.
Really.
It can be the very best part of a good and romantic relationship.
Without communication, there's not much to base the relationship on.
You can do it - it can be fun just getting the talking started.
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