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Sat 22 Nov, 2014 08:28 am
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 and a half years, and she is the only thing I really want in the world and is one of the only people who has ever given my life meaning. However, the other day we ran into a very complex situation. She was going through my phone, and I thought nothing of it as I saw her sitting on the couch (nothing to hide on it... no passcode... nothing). Then she looks up at me with an extremely disappointed look on her face.
Within the last few months I've grown very worried by watching others' relationships at school and out in public (we're both seniors). Ever since the thought about going to separate colleges dawned on me, I became worried about losing her to someone else down the road.
This problem is one I have never felt comfortable enough about to talk to someone I know personally, as I don't have a very close relationship with my parents and my friends are the types to really disregard this kind of problem since they don't bother with girls. I told her I couldn't talk about it with anyone, even her, which made her feel even sicker about the whole ordeal. The only way I felt like I could talk about this was to someone random, someone who didn't exist to me besides through words they typed, and I did this by coming into contact with other girls online and then using the text feature on Snapchat, since I thought it would be easy for people to overlook if they used my phone like she was.
Now, after she looked through some of these chat logs, there are things on there like "when can I see you?" which she had all the right to interpret as me cheating and talking to other girls (really all that means in that context is "can I see what you look like?" not "when will we meet?") I am not, and I never had the slightest thought of it as cheating. I just needed a way to talk about my personal thoughts and worries impersonally with someone my age, specifically the opposite sex since guys don't listen or care.
The idea people have when they say "I can't explain it" really is true sometimes, and I guess people can't understand that until they have an instance like that of their own like I have. I really, really need help and don't know what else to say to her. The last thing I want to to is lose such an incredible person, and right now I don't know where to turn.
@pocketaces,
Let this start with two lessons:
- Type what you actually mean online, e. g. "When can I see a picture of you?" instead of "When can I see you?" Don't be lazy with verbiage because, as you can see, it gets you into interpretive trouble. BTW, the idea of having to see an image of this random person on Snapchat is not necessarily going to be too comforting to your girlfriend. Why the hell would you need to? Riddle me this, Batman.
- Don't use random strangers on Snapchat for your relationship trouble/worry chats. Talk to a professional counselor, a member of the clergy, a trusted adult or peer. Or go to a website specifically designed to give advice (hey, this is one). This wasn't just suspicious behavior; it was downright dumb. Did you honestly expect you were going to find a decent sympathetic ear there? The thrust behind Snapchat is for young people to meet each other virtually. A lot of them use it as a springboard to meeting in person, and a disproportionately high number of them use it as a vehicle for flirtation. Seriously, this was a lot like going to a singles bar and going to random strangers and telling them your troubles. Dumb, suspicious, and beyond ineffective; it was more like you were tempting fate.
So learn from those mistakes and don't do them anymore.
As for your girlfriend, you've got two choices, really. Either do everything you can to prove that it was just a dumb move on your part and you meant nothing else by it. You come off looking dumb at best in this, I might add. It's not a great bargaining position at all.
Your other choice is to hasten what may turn out to be the inevitable. You're right that a lot of High School relationships break up when the parties attend separate colleges (or one does and the other doesn't, or one goes into military service and the other doesn't, etc.). Part of it is distance and growing apart, but another part of it is the overall maturation process. People go through an enormous amount of growth between ages of about 15 and 25 or so. They change. A LOT. A lot of relationships don't stay together. A lot of people who marry during that age range don't stay wed for long. Career selections change, too. People move around a lot.
It is thoroughly and absolutely normal to change. And there is no shame in eventually throwing in the towel and wishing each other well.
@jespah,
jespah wrote:
BTW, the idea of having to see an image of this random person on Snapchat is not necessarily going to be too comforting to your girlfriend. Why the hell would you need to? Riddle me this, Batman.
Yeah. That dog won't hunt.
@pocketaces,
Now, after she looked through some of these chat logs, there are things on there like "when can I see you?"
When can I see you??? Having and loving your girlfriend so much so you can't breathe???
WHY would you want to see even picture and why are you chatting with women?
It is all sounds like if she caught you in bed with someone you would plead 'its not what it seems'.
You need to get your urges under control. I know it is almost impossible but...
@jespah,
I was not the one who said this, that is my point. One of the people I was talking to asked this, not me, and taken out of context it doesn't sound good.
@chai2,
I wasn't the one who said this, one of the people I had talked to asked this of me.
@Eliusa,
I'll tell you the same thing. That wasn't my question, and I had no intention of showing myself to anyone, hence the purpose of staying anonymous and talking with people I'll never meet.
@pocketaces,
Then you should point out your response to your girlfriend. But unless it's you rather vehemently rejecting the idea of meeting or showing your picture to any of these random people (interesting how they're all girls), you'll have to explain that, too.
You don't have to worry about losing this girl when you attend different colleges - You have started the process already, Buddy.
Come on - You are cyber cheating on her, under the disguise of "seeking help about losing my girlfriend". REALLY??! And then you leave the evidence on the phone for her to see? REALLY?!
@chai2,
By practicing I suspect you mean what we all read, what answer can grownups give me that I can then tell her, that will cover up this ****.
And she only looked "disappointed" at him... I get the feeling that is all she saw not what we just read.
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