I cheated and my head is a mess

Please don't have any children yet.

First of all, a relationship should be full of supporting each other. The world is cruel enough, why invite this to your own home? If your partner does more tearing down then building you up, there is something fundamentally wrong with your relationship.

This is not love - you might say it, but it doesn't show! Your boyfriend finds many ways to break down your self worth and esteem, probably for the same reason - he's insecure. You had a one-night-stand because your self esteem is so low, it initially made you feel better.

Now you're experiencing buyer's remorse! Understandably, but it's just the tip on the iceberg. Two wrongs don't make a right!

I think you should seek counseling for your low self worth and esteem and once you worked through this, your relationship will be obsolete anyway.

Good luck!

Here is the song to it

Hiya,

Thank you so much for the advice I really appreciate it. Everything you say makes sense. I have had counselling before and did not think it worked for me but I will keep this in mind. Song is spot on I do feel like "I cheated myself" and so annoyed I have done this. Need to sort my head out.

Thank you so much for your help xx
P.S- I am not planning on having kids with anyone for a good while yet

Your relationship sounds like it's over.

You were unhappy and that's why you strayed.

Spend some time by yourself and figure out what you need from a guy. Apparently your present BF is not filling the bill.

Don't waste one more minute on a man who treats you like you say he has.
(He's looking for an excuse to drop you and the weight remark is his first "attack" so you will get mad and leave him. See what he is doing?)

Hi Punkey,

Thank you for the advice! Sad but I think you could be right x

I know this may be old, but maybe still vital.
I cheated on my boyfriend. Let me state that to me, he
Is the most beautiful human I have ever known.
He wishes harm on no one. He is very intelligent and kind.
He has never...not once hurt anyone or lied about things of
Importance. I never had to question his loyalty. He wanted to
Spend all of his time with me even when I told him to spend
It with friends. He would do literally anything for me.
He listens to me and has been there for me every single time
I need him. He offers to clean and cook even though he goes to college and work and
I only currently work. To me, he is the physical form of perfection.
I love him with everything that I am. We are supportive of one another
We have NEVER told one another that they could or could not do something.
We give one another space for indiviuqlity and freedom even while licing together.

I came from an abusive family. My father molested me for 8 years.
My mother was not so motherly. I didn't have friends. No one told me i was beautiful. No one loved me. I grew up in a camper in the middle of no where with no water and sometimes, no heat. I had to steal everything . Panties even. They wouldn't even buy me tampons. I used the woods and bukets to go to the bathroom. I lived with this secret until I was 19.

I met this beautiful partner of mine, we have a home together and everything was perfect. Except, he feels quietly. He hardly ever shows emotio when we first got ttogether, he wouldn't let me go a few minutes without kissing him or touching him.
I couldn't even make dinner. Then susdenly it stopped. He would hardlt touch me or talk to me. At night, he would go to bed without telling me he loved me or even a kiss.
I would dress up, send naked photos, be naked when he came home, he still didn't notice me. All I wanted was him, but every time I complimented him or tried to tell him how much he meant to me, he would always shy away. Always place a limit on how much I could share with him. He never cuddled with me. Hardly touched me. Never told me anything good about me. I would spend hundreds of dollars on him and it took him over 7 months to just buy me something for a dollar. It isn't about gifts or money, but thought. I just wanted to be close to him. I just wanted to be as beautiful to him as he is to me. It drove me to drinking. I would drink so much and people would come over. One of these guys who was a friends friend became obsessed with me. He was the worst human being I had ever met. He ran drugs. He drugged people...girls and guys for fun. He slept with tons of females. Was into the college hipster scene I can't stand. He was a compulsive liar. I hated him, but he told me all the things I wished my boyfriend would just say once. He kept asking to hold me that he just needed to be around me. I tried to convince him otherwise. Told him how much I hated his music. Hated who he was. Hated his lifestyle. He didn't care. He kept trying. I told him that I ould never do anything with him as long as i was with my boyfriend.

Fastforward a few days later...I went with him and my friend to a club. On the ride back he tried stuff. I made him stop. He said he wouldn't try again.

Next few days, my boyfriend, the same guy, and another friend went to a bar. I ran out of cigarettes. The guy offered to take me to get some cause my boyfriend was supposed to play at the bar. He didn't want our friend to go cause he was always stuck up his ass, he said. He kept asking me where I wanted to go cause he said he wanted to hang out for a bit I kept saying idk I cant think of anywhere cause I thought it was weird. He said he wanted to show me somewhere (I was drunk btw and my grandma died. I dont do well with death) I had drank 5 beers by then. Some from the gas station. He took me to this place. We were walking and he kept trying stuff. I kept saying no over and over and over. Then I just stopped. I guess he thought it was the green light. Anyway, it started to happen and I made him stop and take me back.

After, the guy came around. I told him to never touch me again. He tried talking to me for over a month and I wouldn't. Then one day I did and each time I put him down. I told my boyfriend and I banned the guy from my apartment.

One of my friends got out of prision and was trying to get me to come see him. We were talking for closure on the past and it moved quickly to more. I told him I did not want to be with him. Canceled a trip JUST to see him Cause I ddidn't want anything like last time to happen. I was drunk when we made plans. After sobering and talking, I purposely ruined them. I have not talked to him in over a month. I said the most awful things to drive him away.

I told my boyfriend and it ripped my heart out that I could do such things to such a beautiful person. I admire everything he is and does in life. We are still together, moving on, but to this day I really can not understand at all how I did this.

He started showing me affection. I'm not the only who feels his emotionlessness. Everyone is literally shocked when he speaks and cracks jokes. He is such a terrific person, he just seems to have no emotion, but he has so much and expresses it so different and I just had not learned it yet. I thought it meant he didn't love me. Didn't find me attractive. Didn't care enough to open up to me. I was so wrong and it hurts me every single day.

But you have to tell your significant other. Even if you lose them. When you cheated...you disrespected their honor. Your hurt their heart and you grazed their soul. You can truly love someone and make a mistake once like I did and so many others, but given the chance would you do it again? I know that I never would. Not for all ofbthe love or affection in the world. He is who I love. Who I would live in hell every single day for just to see him smile once. But if you do not tell them, you do not respect them. You are being selfish. Choosing another to be ignorant.


My experience at least.

xamber's BF is NOT "beautiful"

Here's another song for this topic.


Why, oh why, do people live like this, and persist in living like this?

Pro tip: love doesn't have to be this difficult. It isn't more noble or better or whatever. It's just more work.

This doesn't mean that people shouldn't work for their loves. It doesn't mean they should take them for granted, either. But when it's this much work, when it's this much of an uphill battle, and when it's all going on without any help or acknowledgement from the other person, some serious introspection is in order.

Don't be a doormat.

I know this probably won't make you feel any better about the situation but I personally don't think you did anything wrong.

Your boyfriend wasn't supporting you emotionally. Although you could have discussed this and how he was making you feel. Perhaps you did but I didn't see you really mention it. It was only his thoughts. His attraction towards you was waning and mentioning it to you made you feel bad about yourself. This isn't something a person tells another who they supposedly love.

So it is justified, you needed to feel better about yourself and this other guy was giving you what you needed.

I have mentioned this many times that I am not an advocate for monogamous relationships because the way your thoughts and feelings change. I think our society attempts to suggest that you should find one person and stick with them no matter if your feelings change. I don't think it is healthy to remain in a relationship where the person isn't supporting you or giving you what you need when you are giving back what they need.

If he thinks you are less attractive now and it is an issue to him then why torture yourself with trying to appeal to him if he isn't willing to do the same for you? So what does he do for you?

Also some people would rather be in a crappy relationship than alone. So they will put up with a lot of strife because it's better than being alone. I think this is unhealthy too.

I think you are better off finding someone who this sort of thing isn't going to be an issue for you. A person who will love you regardless and have passion for you because of who you are. I know it might sound idealistic and perhaps not realistic but if you really examine it, that is how it should be.

I know you feel bad, but I say you shouldn't feel bad.