It's been several months since the breakup, why can't I just stop thinking about him?

Reply Thu 13 Nov, 2014 09:30 am
All contact with this person has been cut off as of about 2 months after the breakup occurred. His number is blocked on my phone, and we have all of each other's social media accounts blocked. I have not spoken to him or any of his friends since. I now live more than 1000 miles away from him.. There is no chance of us ever getting back together and I have no desire to whatsoever. So why is he almost always on my mind? Why do I have tears in my eyes as I type this? It seems like every little thing reminds me of him in some way and the memories of him are always replaying in my head. Almost every night I dream about him and in a lot of those dreams we are still together or trying to get back together, even though I would never want to in real life because of the way he treated me when we broke up. I was the one that broke up with him, because he said he wasn't happy with our relationship anymore, yet I am the one that suffers for it. When we broke up he was calling me a c*nt, a psycho b*tch, etc. and saying he was "so much better off without me" in attempt to hurt me, and he did. He was harassing me constantly and I had to block him. People told me it was because he was still heartbroken, but I don't think he was. I had tried talking him into getting back together (before he went off on me) and he refused, acting like he was already over me and telling me to leave him alone. This was just a couple of weeks after the break up. Then one day he started texting me all of that mean crap I mentioned above. ^ But he treated me like a princess when we were together, and I can't seem to let that go. I fell in love with him because he seemed different from anyone else i had ever met, he was kind, respectful, and he made me feel wanted like no one else did. I think part of the reason I can't forget him is because he was my "first love" or whatever, and the first person I had sexual experiences with. We thought we were going to be together forever, get married, start a family, & all of these other dreams and goals. That may be why it hit me so hard when it ended. I often wonder if he thinks about me as often as I think of him, but I know he doesn't. He's moved on. He doesn't care and he never will, as far as I know. Sometimes I wish I could make him feel like he's missing out, but I don't want to speak to him or ever see him again, and I don't think I ever will. I live so far away and he's started a new, "better" life. I don't know how to handle this or what I should do about it. I can't control my dreams or the things I think about. I don't want to "find someone else" because I don't want to go through the pain of another relationship again and I'm just an undesirable person. I just want him cut out of my mind, at least for most of the time. Should I get mental help? Counseling? I just don't know...
View best answer, chosen by AnonymousMoose
Reply Thu 13 Nov, 2014 11:27 am
Don't close yourself off from finding another love. That is where HOPE for a better day comes in. You must always hang on to the hope that love will come your way. Very Happy

A Reality Check is in order:
I couldn't get over a guy, either. So I took to paper and pen and listed his PROS and CONS. There were 54 CONS (Ye gads, why didn't I notice his sick relationship with his mother; the bad teeth; skinny legs; he wasn't a reader, my kids didn't like him, etc.) to the 5 or so PROS (He did do some handiwork around the house; had sexy eyes; did the dishes; pretty good in bed) That helped put it into perspective.

Yes, there is absence of the living body, but why settle for something not right?

It takes time to get over someone who you shared some "firsts" with, but you can look forward to the future, this time a little wiser.

PS - That abusive name calling would have been "it" for me. What a jerk! Be sure that temper tantrum is in your "CON" list. Can you imagine him getting like that every time you had a disagreement. Scary!!!

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Reply Thu 13 Nov, 2014 11:37 am
I consider hope for a better day is that you like and respect yourself.

The way to stop dwelling on some memory of his being all nicey in the far past is to think about other things and people that interest you, including yourself.
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  Selected Answer
Reply Thu 13 Nov, 2014 02:42 pm
He is "one" guy and definitely was not the "right" guy.

You're clinging onto the dream of love, the want. I bet you are trying to remember what you thought was the "good times" with him.

If he's into drugs/alcohol you can't change that, even if you thought that you could, nor should you. See that in future as a "red flag" and don't get involved.

His words were because he went back to the drugs/alcohol, probably never stopped just didn't show you the dark side until you ditched him.

Find a fictitious male figure with all the things you would like in your life, with him and dream of that person.

You only think of this idiot because of the names he called you and you can't work out why, thinking you didn't do anything wrong. YOU DIDN'T, he couldn't handle the truth.

Reply Thu 13 Nov, 2014 02:47 pm
I know for a fact that he went back to drugs/alcohol almost immediately after we broke up!
Reply Thu 13 Nov, 2014 02:56 pm
Then that suggests he is the one that needs help and counselling not you, don't you think?

You can't save the World, nor people that don't want to be saved... Nor can you change them.

You can find what you are looking for if you don't take on the wounded birds Smile
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