partner puttkng on weight

It's just an excuse unless she's trying to fatten you up for something.

Women can undergo hormonal shifts that can cause weight gain. I have friends that put on 20 pounds after initiating oral contraceptives. She could also have a thyroid issue which can cause both depression and weight gain. Having said that, someone else's habits cannot make you gain weight. You should not have to restrict your intake/appetite if you don't have a weight problem. Some women are very sensitive concerning weight....it's almost an expectation that we are to remain thin/young forever. Be sensitive to her and instead of simply discussing appearance, discuss concerns about weight gain in association with health risks....Diabetes, heart disease, etc.

Perhaps there needs to be a change in the diet in the home.

I don't bring home "biscuits" i.e. cookies because I know i'll eat the whole bag. Then hate myself afterwards.

You can help her out by shopping better and being supportive of her struggle. (She IS trying, isn't she?)

I can support this idea. A lot of mindless snacking can be prevented, or at least the damage can be curtailed, if nothing really junky is in the home, and healthier options are easier to grab. E. g. we keep washed fruit (strawberries, that sort of thing) in bowls at the front of our refrigerator. Part of that is because it keeps them from freezing in the back, but it's also because they're easier to just take whenever the mood strikes.

Glad to see you've got that refrigerator issue figured out.

In the end, it's good to be supportive...but--having struggled with these issues, I know the solution isn't in blaming your family for your problems. You can't place you're family on a diet because you've become overweight. I lost a great deal of weight in spite of my hubby still eating my favorite foods.

It's wrong of her to blame you. However in my case,
I ballooned-up and my sweetie left me.
I found myself much happier eating without guilt...
So it goes.

Consider yourself lucky. Someone that leaves over you gaining weight is not worth keeping anyway. I once knew a guy that was already dating while his spouse was dying of cancer....

I do

Danny, is her gaining weight bothering you?

If it isn't, tell her.

There's a lot worse things than a few extra pounds. You may be totally on board with that, I don't know. You didn't say how you feel.

I learned (finally) that I can make myself miserable about being larger than what I'm being told by the media what my size should be, or I can be a very happy person walking around in the body I have.

All those years wasted stressing over how I appear to others, or in the mirror <shakes head>

Good reply Chai...

Yeah...the ol' double standard.
Overweight guys are jolly, avuncular and successful while the gals are
slobby pigs that don't have enough self-esteem to take care of themselves.

I like Chai's response. You didn't state if you don't mind her being overweight or not. You just want to know if she should blame you as it bothers you.

And, everyone else's response. Take the biscuits and any fattening food that is junk, to eat between meals out of the home. Sit down with her and let her know you don't need those biscuits so feel free to stop buying them but you are not to blame. Ask her why she honestly feels depressed. Have a proper conversation instead of the blame game.

Maybe your wife feels you do contribute to sabotaging her diet or her attempts to keep her weight down. Partners can do that sought of thing, sometimes without even being aware of it.

Instead of wondering whether she is wrong to blame you, just respond to what she is feeling--she's feeling depressed because she's putting on weight. Ask her how you can help her lose weight. If it involves not having certain types of food in the house, would you be willing to give those up for a while, and substitute healthier or lower calorie alternatives?

How do you feel about her weight gain? Do you find her less attractive, or can you honestly reassure her you love her just as much, and she looks just as good to you, if she gains a few pounds?

Focus on how you can help her, and tell her you want to help her, that will both stop the blame game, and the resentment it can create.