I sought the attention of other men when my husband hadn't really touched me in a couple of years. I don't think it's fair to get complacent and neglectful, but it's also not OK or fair to cheat. So, for you, I am sorry for both of you, actually. I know I wouldn't have strayed had I not been in so much pain, and felt SO lonely, but it's not an excuse. I needed to understand that it's not my husband's job to "make me happy." It's his job to love me and make me his priority, though. And the same goes for me. Saying I was lonely, isn't an excuse, but It IS an explanation. If you don't take care of your spouse, someone else WILL. I hate to say it, but that is true. Women want and need to feel desired, and it rally doesn't take that much time, money and effort to get that across. I am not BLAMING YOU. I am saying, though, that affairs don't start with the sex act. They don't happen in a vacuum. You both have a part in it, and the only chance my husband and I for mending our marriage, was getting radically HONEST, and really wanting and being committed to making it work. Staying together to keep your lifestyle is not a good enough reason to stay married. I would get counseling, for yourself, and as a couple. Don't put up with any love triangles, either. The cousin needs to be out of the picture. I am so sorry this happened, and I know that you must be in a lot of pain. Best wishes.