I had an affair

@Germlat,

she told me she just couldn't be in a relationship with a man who is in a relationship. I could tell things were coming to an end over the past few months. Guilt was not a factor on my side. I guess I am selfish, I am not sure why guilt didn't never was an issue with me. I definitely loved my wife more. Maybe I lost sight of just how much of a beautiful women my wife is. Inside and out. Sex never played a big roll in the affair. So it wasn't a sweaty lustful affair. I am trying to piece this all together to see where and why the affair started. I appreciate the questions. They help me take a look at myself. Thank you

1 Reply

@roughtim,

Cheating is not what I am talking about. Guilty as sin, I just don't get cheating on people you LOVE! It is whether you do love and keep being faithful or you don't love and then you need something else.

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@roughtim,

Promise when you will figure out why it had started please let me know.

1 Reply

@Eliusa,

Eliusa wrote:

Promise when you will figure out why it had started please let me know.

I thought he said he loved his wife, sex was good but wanted more conversation...apparently people can cheat on those they love the most...that's why he wouldn't leave his wife for his lover...went on for 6 years though--until she got angry he wouldn't leave his wife--he said in the end he loved his wife more---go figure...

1 Reply

@Germlat,

OP wrote
Sex never played a big roll in the affair. So it wasn't a sweaty lustful affair.

I had never heard any man cheating 'for a talk'. Have you?
So they can basically just being friends and having a dinner and conversation?
However something tells me that woman thought differently about sex.
It is just OP some different kind of man. I would love to hear why this affair started when he will figure it out. Can't wait.

1 Reply

@Eliusa,

Eliusa wrote:

OP wrote
Sex never played a big roll in the affair. So it wasn't a sweaty lustful affair.

I had never heard any man cheating 'for a talk'. Have you?
So they can basically just being friends and having a dinner and conversation?
However something tells me that woman thought differently about sex.
It is just OP some different kind of man. I would love to hear why this affair started when he will figure it out. Can't wait.

Not myself--but...people need what they need. It may start one way and end up another. In the end he realized he couldn't divorce his wife because she was more significant to him than his lover... I think he should've gone to counseling if he was so unhappy. And then-- many people don't have the financial resources. ..

1 Reply

@Germlat,

I would say the other women filled a gap that was in my life. That's what the first attraction was. The other women and I could talk alot while my wife and I didn't. I am talking about long conversati0ns, sometimes hours. No particular subject. My love for her came first. Then flirting and touching, then sex. All over a period of months.

3 Replies

@roughtim,

roughtim wrote:

I would say the other women filled a gap that was in my life. That's what the first attraction was. The other women and I could talk alot while my wife and I didn't. I am talking about long conversati0ns, sometimes hours. No particular subject. My love for her came first. Then flirting and touching, then sex. All over a period of months.

I think it's not appropriate for a married man to talk to another female for hours. The reason is that you're no longer protecting the marriage bond. In a sense you are investing in another bond with another female. Love came from establishing such a strong connection (hours upon hours of conversation). Did it ever occur to you that you might lose your wife...was the affair worth that risk? Would you be ok if your spouse were to decide to spend hours and hours with another man?

1 Reply

@roughtim,

Maybe you need to become friends with a male that loves conversation. My husband is very quiet.... Always has been. I can't imagine spending hours away from him to simply chat with someone else.

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@roughtim,

Your what come first? Love?
You said you LOVED your wife. So there can be several loves?
To me love is love and another love simply is a nonsense.
I think you will figure things out when you will start calling things
correctly.
You had your mute wife compared to a chatter box and wanted to have fun.

3 Replies

@Germlat,

I took precautions so my wife would not find out. She never knew I was spending so much time with another women. In my business I can be out all hours and thats what my wife thought I was doing , working. I wouldn't find it ok if my wife was talking with another man for hours cause I now know what can happen.

1 Reply

@Eliusa,

no, you are wrong. The fun was not sought out. I can go do that with out any problems, just like anyone

1 Reply

@roughtim,

I didn't get that, sorry. I am still refusing to believe it was/is love.
When you love your wife - there is no way you can love someone else.
Love to your wife would disappear as soon as love for another woman had happened. No?
If you loved your wife - why would you be touching another woman?
Conversation is a one thing. Touching is another.

0 Replies

@Eliusa,

Eliusa wrote:

Your what come first? Love?
You said you LOVED your wife. So there can be several loves?
To me love is love and another love simply is a nonsense.
I think you will figure things out when you will start calling things
correctly.
You had your mute wife compared to a chatter box and wanted to have fun.

Not enough fun to leave his wife...

1 Reply

@roughtim,

roughtim wrote:

I took precautions so my wife would not find out. She never knew I was spending so much time with another women. In my business I can be out all hours and thats what my wife thought I was doing , working. I wouldn't find it ok if my wife was talking with another man for hours cause I now know what can happen.

Thanks for your honesty. But remember that by spending hours with someone else, you are forming a bond with someone else...try making friends with chatty males. When I feel chatty, I call up one of my chatty friends( with which I have developed strong bonds...but no sexual attraction). In this way y our marriage
can remain safe. I have definitely had a connection/ chemistry with males I've worked with...I avoided spending time knowing it could lead to trouble.

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@Germlat,

No, because he is wonderfully able to love1, love2 and probably love3.

1 Reply

@Eliusa,

Eliusa wrote:

No, because he is wonderfully able to love1, love2 and probably love3.

Well so is your lover...you must think of yourself. Sk him to leave his wife...you'll get a laundry list of excuses...in the end if you leave he'll find a replacement...don't be anyone's leftovers...

1 Reply

@Germlat,

thanks to all, I am out of here,

1 Reply

@Eliusa,

Eliusa,

The poor guy has left because he came here for help, sort his mind out, try to establish why he started it in the first place and how to ensure it "has" ended. He came to realisation that he loved his wife, always did, maybe missed something but it wasn't horny sex, it was something else, emotional probably.

He wrote

Quote:

no, you are wrong. The fun was not sought out. I can go do that with out any problems, just like anyone

Men are no different than women. They need love, understanding, hugs, a nice comment, compliment, being told they are a man.. ****, relationships are hard work, it's not one sided.

You blame people based on your own problems, call them out based on your own thoughts.. You need to read what someone is saying and take yourself out of it quite frankly.

Your reply was not only rude, non helpful to the OP but the reason in my opinion why he said "I'm out of here" which is a shame.

More thoughts could have been given to him only now he'll find it elsewhere instead of here.

There is no "one" answer for all when it comes to affairs. You need to get a grip on things.

1 Reply

@roughtim,

Hang about.. You're just beginning to find answers that will help you.

1 Reply

I had an affair

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