Dilema

I think those Columbian men are onto something. If she were contributing some of her own savings toward the purchase of a house I wouldn't be so quick to stress your need for a post-nup agreement. She has nothing to lose and everything to gain in this situation.

I have to wonder, why at the age of 30, she doesn't have any savings to speak of. Does your wife work Pitter?

Pitter - Any room for compromise? Do you at any time believe that your wife would be entitled to any assets? Perhaps after a certain length of time? Or with the addition of children? Does it have to be all or nothing?

If you were financially well established, prior to your engagement, no discussion of asset protection then? It's just hard to go back after the fact and say, "Oh honey, by the way" I want you to sign a post-nup that says you are not entitled to this or that of my choosing on entirely my terms. How it comes across on an emotional level will not help your marriage. But it will help your asset protection! Let this be a lesson to all now - get it in writing before!


Even if she is dirt poor, she should have been at least given some advance idea or notice before marrying Pitter that's what he wanted to arrange with his assets. Even dirt poor women deserve dignity in this respect, money doesn't entirely make Pitter happy, he did marry her after all. She does have value - even if she doesn't have assets.

As Doglover perspicuously points out "she has nothing to lose and everything to gain in this situation" . I won't go into a long discourse here on the Colombian economy but my wife worked as a beeper service operator for three years earning the minimum salery (as most do here) before I met her. She wasn't dirt poor but everything earned was spent so no savings. She doesn't work now.

I seriously considered a pre-nup before the marriage but didn't persue it fearing the effect on "mutual trust". I repent not having followed through then as "jacquie" suggests as it would have been painless at that point in the relationship. As to entitlement to assets she is entitled by Colombian law to everthing I have when I check out which ought to be well before she does.

As some have suggested I could just forget about buying the house in the country and that would end the dilema. She has told me she would move up there for me which comes off shy of unbridled enthusiasm and she wants renovations including swimming pool, new floors, new kitchen and a third guest bedroom.

The bigger picture is we have conflicting tastes. Her ideal would be to buy a house here in the (hot) city in an upscale strata five neighborhood fifteen minutes away from her family like the neighborhood we're renting in now. My ideal is to live amongst bromilliads, orchids and toucans where the mountain mist rolls down every afternoon to cool things off.

Love and committment are everything to gain. They have value greater than money.

Pitter's current thread bring me back here.



Love and commitment have great value. However, they do not buy a house, pay a mortgage or put any food on the table. A dash of realism makes romance last longer, IMNSHO.