Mixed signals?

To reply to all your question:

1. I don't 'leap to respond' to her panic messages. I may be doing that inside, but my actual replies are friendly yet calm - very much along the lines of your example message. The trouble is the 'let her move things forward' part. She never does that.
2. The 'entertainment' thing was suggested by @jesper in this thread. I think I agree with him for the most part, but it hadn't been clear to me earlier.
3. Other than our initial meetings, and the two occasions later, we have not met. We have talked a few times (5-6) on the phone. The location issue is complex. When we met, we both lived in country A, and she was visiting my city. For a few months then, we met every day. Then she moved to her own city, which was far enough to require air travel. 2 years ago, I moved to a different country entirely, say B. About 4 months ago, she has also, on her own business, moved to B! This is what re-kindled my hopes of a possibility here. Our new cities in country B are now 2.5 hours apart by ROAD. A recent conversation went like this:

Me: 'Now that you're in B, we should meet up!'
She: 'Yes, of course!'
Me: 'Next weekend?'
She: 'I'm not sure, I'll have to see if I can do next weekend.'
Me: 'Okay, let me know. If you can do some other weekend, let me know too.'
She: 'Sure!'

It has been 2 months since, and she has never suggested a weekend to meet up. We have talked in that time, but I didn't bring up the issue for fear of sounding over-insistent.

I don't know if age would help here. I'm 29 and she's 24-26.

ohhhh that's not good that she hasn't followed up on that

(p.s. Jespah is a woman)

___________

by leap to respond, I mean that it seems that you respond fairly soon to her 'panic' emails

if she never moves things forward after an email from you asking how things are, I'd let things drop ... completely

Truly, you'll never find out until you tell her you are interested in her as a partner. Some people male or female are more shy than others...not necessarily saying she wants you to make a pass. I've had male friends I've loved, but had no interest in romantically. At this point, I don't get why you're holding off on telling her what you feel. If you take a chance, and she doesn't reciprocate....you'll at least know how to proceed.

She does respond of course, sometimes with photos. She's never completely ignored a message I sent her. By not moving things forward, I mean that things stay in the same situation I described. There never seems to be any progress made towards a relationship.

I know. I should, but it's awkward. To her, it will possibly seem like a bolt from the blue - completely unexpected, and uncalled for, and even plain weird. Moreover, I'm pretty shy myself.

Totally agree. This is a game attention-seeking people play. Next time she comes in with the "have you forgotten about me", tell her that you had the same idea, that she had forgotten all about you and is now just having guilty pangs, which is why she's writing... Make HER feel guilty for forgetting you.

Well...sometimes it's worth it ...Maybe you're both shy. My husband left a card on my windshield ( before we officially met.). I guess he was too shy to talk to me. I thought it was too cute! We've been married for many years. Shy and awkward can be so cute and endearing.

Make the first move. I think maybe you're both on the introverted side. I'm introverted...but only when it comes to new relationships. My husband and I met in college, if I he hadn't made a pass I'm not sure I'd been able to....I later gathered up the courage to follow-up...I was a nervous wreck around him. Actually...he's been the only guy to ever make me feel that way. I'm glad I made a fool of myself and have him as my husband.

If she hasn't followed up on your suggestion to get together in person, I'd let it drop. Two years of no progress would be too much for me. I'd be moving on.

@ehBeth and @Germlat, although you two advise exactly the opposite things, thanks to both of you. They are both reasonable things to do, which just shows the ambiguity of the situation. I think if we do meet up, I may give @Germlat's suggestion a try, whereas if she never suggests a meet-up, I'll drop it, as @ehBeth suggested.

@Germlat, that's a very amusing story; thanks for sharing it!

Even if I do drop it, she'd still be 'panic' messaging me, and it would be rude to completely ignore her. I'll just have to accept this, while forcing my mind to not build castles in the air. That's pretty much what I've been trying to do, these 2 years. As for moving on, that's something I've been trying for 29 years, with no luck so far (have never been in a relationship). Here's hoping the next year will be better.

Thanks to everyone who replied in this thread.

if it had been a few months, I'd probably like Germlat's suggestion

two years of not moving toward a relationship is not reasonable

you can simply respond with one or two lines - and not follow-up

she's clearly got you on the backburner and only notices you're not contacting her when everything else is too boring

Yes, perfectly true! Thanks!

What do you have to lose by trying? Then I'm the passionate sort...

Yes, I am with Germlat on this one!
There is nothing you regret more in life than missed out opportunities.
What do you have to lose? Nothing! Exactly!

I get that you've never had a relationship and you're hesitant, but one aspect that is appealing to everyone - women and men alike - is that you can take charge and don't hesitate endlessly.

Just text her that you're up for a date if she's available. That's a straight forward question and if she says no, you have your answer. If she says yes,
you can move forward.

Good luck!

Well... @CalamityJane and @Germlat, I decided to go for it.

Here's how it went:

(after some 'how are things with you' conversation)
Me: "So, when are we meeting?"
She: "Let's see, really busy right now. I'll let you know."
Me: "Okay. And when we meet, can we call it a date?"
(A brief pause)
She: "How would you define a date?" (I know this is a really weird question - no clue why she asked it.)
Me: <I gave her the usual definition - indication of romantic interest, hoping maybe we can take things forward eventually>
(A brief pause)
She: "I think it's better not to, at least now. Lets just meet normally."
Me: "Ah, okay. Yeah, sure."

"Better not to, at least now!!!"

I thought asking her out would resolve things, but now I'm more confused than ever!

Good grief.

Two years in and she's not ready to go out on a date with you.

Have you considered asking someone local out?

Go for it!!!

I applaud you for taking the initiative - that's a great step in the right direction, believe me - except you know now that she is not interested.

That's okay, now you don't have to waste your time with her. Just chalk it up as "warming up" to the next one. If there is a girl within your vicinity you like then ask her out, to the movies, coffee whatever, but just stay on course.

You did good, you put yourself out there and it takes guts to do so - pad yourself on the shoulder. Now move forward !!

Good luck!

Yeah, good grief.

I thought asking her out would decide things once and for all. And now I'm agonizing over the 'at least now' part of her response.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm living in a foreign country, which makes makes dating local girls difficult due to cultural differences. Not saying it can't be done - but it's a factor. At any rate, I haven't been in a position where I could ask anyone out in the 2 years that I've been here.