Retirement Party OK?

don't you think the retiring person is more important than you are in this situation?

I do.

If you don't let your wife know you trust her, you'll have even less of a marriage left than you do now.

Thank you Beth,
So just to be sure I'm not misunderstanding this, you think it's OK. And more so, an opportunity for me to show trust in her?

correct and correct

Thank you again. Problem solved. I will keep my thoughts to myself and use this opportunity to strengthen our relationship.

Much appreciated, Joe

Good advise. Without trust, there's no marriage.

That's the best way to look at it - an opportunity to strengthen your relationship.

Why doesn't she reach out to someone at her former workplace to see if he is going to be there?

Seems a simple solution. If they say no he isn't planning on attending then you know. Or if they say yeah he is expected then she forgos attending and sends a note to her former colleague. I think that would be easiest and put both your minds at rest. Why do all the way to the party any way just to leave if he shows up.

Well seems you resolved it. I agree that the trust is important, but can also understand the hesitation especially if this affair was not that long ago. It can't be easy for you - but on the other hand if you let her go she will most likely respect you more in the sense she sees you trust her.

Yes, let her go, don't worry about it.

If she comes back next day early in the morning, don't worry about it.

You trust her, like you did before the fighting in your marriage, if something happens then you won't have control of it, so don't worry.

This is the price one must pay because love, but you keep being honest and clean. If she has changed, then don't worry, if she didn't... then don't worry... you love her... don't worry... be happy...

I don't. I think my relationship with my spouse is more important than someone she has seen in awhile.

While he can't stop her from going, personally, if I were in the wifes place, I wouldn't disrespect my husband like that.

I would make sure I called the person retiring on my own time, maybe go to lunch or something. It's not like some office party going on from 3:30 to 5:30 is some can't miss event, especially if you're not even working there anymore.

I don't see this as a lack of trust, but disrespect.

Thank you all for your advice and input. I haven't seen any of your posts until now. I had already made my decision and I told her it was OK to go. I didn't want to change reading something that would make me change my mind and go back on my word. That being said

UPDATE
The party was today, I was still at work. I called her around 2:45 to discuss an unrelated topic (needed to confirm an appointment with a contractor who is doing work on our house tomorrow). She was in her car on the way to the party so she got there around 3pn. She texted me at 4:15pm and said that he had just shown up so she left the party. Then she immediately followed it with a picture of her car dashboard with the radio in view (showing the clock which read 4:18pm). It made my stomach flip a few times, but I didn't call her back and got off work at 4:30pm. I was going to use my drive home to process. At 4:45pm she called me and said she was surprised I didn't call, she had our boys in the car with her, I could hear them. She didn't say anything about this but she sounded happy and relieved that I want freaking out which would have been the case 1 year ago. I told her I didn't call her because it made my stomach flip and I wanted to use the drive home to process it before speaking to her. She said "OK, thank you. I want you to be able to do that if you need it. I'll see you when you get home.". We said I love you and hung up.

I really think this was the right thing to do. It was hard for me but in the end it was for the best. Tonight we are going to her parents' house for s'mores around the fire with the boys.

I got home from work and she told me how much she appreciated that I didn't make a big stink about it and that she recognized how hard that must have been for me and that it meant much more to her that I allowed her to go. She gave me a bunch of kisses, told me she lives me again, and we're doing good. If I had chosen the other road I can sure you we wouldn't be doing this well tonight.

Again thank you all!

Sincerely, Joe

Oh - I just love a happy ending. So happy for you both and hoping this continues.

Hey there wolfiej80 - sounds like you were able to handle it well. I think everyone understands this isn't an easy thing to work through.

Good on you for being able to do so - and good on your wife for letting you know she understands how hard it was and that she appreciates.

I think the right decision is always to open the gate...people will do what they want...always. As long as you're in a relationship where you're needs are met and you're relevant...it's all good.

Daggum nice of him to let her go.

Yes and no. Truth is--people cannot be herded into doing what we expect of them. If someone wants to cheat, he/she will find the opportunity and time. It's not difficult to take a vacation day from work and have it not reflect on a paycheck. He cannot keep an eye on her 24/7. Having said that, I feel she was insensitive to go. In my opinion, if I had cheated and my husband forgave me, I would place a great deal of importance on what his feelings might be..But then--I don't know what's going on in that household on a daily basis.