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Finding a passionate partner in crime!

 
 
minne
 
Reply Mon 20 Oct, 2014 08:45 pm
I am a very out-going person. I love trying new things. I always give 100% no matter what is being asked of me. I feel extremely lonely seeing that all of my best friends are getting engaged and/or married or at least has a boyfriend or girlfriend and I have yet to find anyone. It could be this outside pressure to hurry and find someone quickly but I am not sure. I would simply like to find someone that I can share experiences with. I love so many different things and I am constantly trying new things but I always end up doing them alone.

The problem: From my past relationship every single one of them, they have told me that I make them feel free and alive and that when they are with me they feel as if they can do anything, but its always the complete opposite for me. I see them a more of a burden (I know it cruel) because they are usually waiting for me to wrap up whatever I am doing and I feel bad because of that. I always end up talking about me and what I learned or some new people that I met or some new event that I attended. I am not the person to sit on the couch and watch Netflix all day... I have yet to experience this feeling that they have been explaining to me that they feel when they are with me. This feeling of being free and alive and confident and powerful and such should be felt by both members of the party, right? I want someone to challenge me to push me to help me be a better person. I feel like I am helping others do exactly that but I am getting nothing out of the relationship.

Has anyone been in a similar situation ... if so does anyone have any tips? Perhaps I could mend an old relationship or alter my idea of what relationship is suppose to be. I am 24 and I have to fall in love.
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Tue 21 Oct, 2014 06:58 am
@minne,
minne wrote:

... I am 24 and I have to fall in love.


No, ya don't.

BTW keep up with that attitude, and you never will. See, here's the deal. Love isn't a generic. It isn't that you're at a stage in your life, or you hit certain requirements or whatever. It certainly helps to be out and among people, particularly people who are looking and have similar interests and are generally within your wheelhouse of attraction.

You meet several of them, not just one. You hang out. You watch movies. You consume meals. You kiss and flirt. You have arguments. You deal with communications expectations and what happens out in public.

Sages refer to this behavior by its ancient term: dating.

Much of dating ultimately goes nowhere. You just aren't compatible in the long run, or the attraction dies off, or they do something to alienate you (or vice versa) or you grow in separate directions or whatever. Sometimes it's truly awful, it's incipient (or even full-blown) mental or physical or sexual abuse, and you feel like you've dodged a bullet.

But every now and then it turns into something more.

It doesn't happen when you rack up a specific number of Frequent Dater Miles(TM). It doesn't happen when biological clocks scream in your ear, either.

It happens when people who care about each other realize that they want to be in each other's lives. It happens when they want that other person in their life, too.

So drop the idea of a generic 'need to be in love'. You don't need to be in love any more than you need to be in Poughkeepsie. But if you have a real person you're in love with? Then yeah, you need to be in love. With them.

Possibly even in Poughkeepsie.
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  2  
Reply Tue 21 Oct, 2014 07:21 am
@minne,
Why do you think you HAVE to fall in love? You're ready when you're ready. You can't make it happen....the timing has to be right. So --all you're friends are doing it and you feel you're missing out. Why? Maybe you aren't so certain you're getting enough out of your lifestyle. You enjoy hearing you're exciting, free-spirited and make people feel alive. The thing is,many people love adventure in the the short term but, they have a need for security in other ways. Security comes first for many people. I find many people who take a sabbatical are desperate to come home at some point. There are some who live for adventure...don't settle. Everyone is not the same. But--if it's not conventional, it may take longer to find what you want....that's life.
If your unconventional it's going to take longer to find a partner. Don't settle!
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Oct, 2014 08:22 am
@minne,
Something that tells me a lot about you is, you end up doing things alone. That means a lot. You truly believe in adventure!! Nothing wrong with that.
0 Replies
 
 

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