choosing between two guys ...when I'm the one who did wrong.

When I was younger, I had a boyfriend in high school we had been dating since we where 15. At age 18 when I moved an hr away to college I met a guy who was from the city. My current bf was a small town person so he was very reserved and was no fun to me at the time. When I meet the city guy, I was infatuated by his looks and all he had to offer as far as out going. At the time my bf lived an hr and at becuz I had moved to college. I started spending more time with the city guy becuz of school and one thing lead to another. My bf at the time started to get apart and talking to other people becuz I was never around and he was never around for me. I then started to date the city guy and I knew he had a son but said he wasn't married. This went on you about 6 yes. On n off and at the same time I would still talk to my ex becuz I knew deep down inside I loved him and it was just infatuation I felt for the other person. In 2012 I found out that he had been married all along and I stopped talking to him and during that time, my ex had moved on as well. So I ended up alone. About 6 months passed and then my ex came back to the picture and we began to have a relationship again we would go out of town and I loved the connection we had and have. Everything was good until the city guy called again....and said he and his wife had divorced because he loved me but in reality they where both doing the same thing to each other. He said he needed me as a friend becuz he had lost everything he had, family car and job. I felt bad for him and partly guilty for what happened. So I helped him find a job, and give him rides.....it was more like a help and guilt for what happened with him. I never told my ex...but I started not being around again becuz I was helping the city boy becuz I felt guilt about his divorce. He finally found a job where he earns 8,000.-9,000.00 a month and asked me to marry him becuz, I was the one really there for him....I finally broke down. I told my ex boyfriend that I had cheated all along and that I was sorry and that I had been with someone else and I had felt guilty about it all but all I wanted was his forgiveness...he did and told me thank you for telling him the truth and that he loved me and wanted to put everything n the past and start over. The city guy, I broke down and told him as we'll...that I have never been able to take my ex off my mind and that he was the one for me. Told me that he would do anything to keep me. He said that I was the only one really there for him when he had nothing.... I told them both I did not deserve them and they both still want me. I feel like a horrible person. I am finally not scared to be alone and they both know about each other, number and where they both work, but they refuse to call each other...I told them they could call each other if they wanted the truth and thought I was lying. They are both still want to be with me....my heart has always been with my ex...my high school sweet heart but the city guy is the person I don't want to hurt him and his son who loved me a lot and have meet as well. His mom is no longer in the picture so I am pretty much there for him. What should I do? I am so confused!