Do I tell my boyfriend that I cheated, and if so, how?

Sigh.

You do realize that it's over, right?

Yes?

It's over either when you tell him and he ends it, or it's over when you realize this is not for you, and there's a reason why you're doing this.

Or it's over when he figures out you've been keeping this from him.

You are in a no-win situation.

Welcome to the Kobayashi Maru of relationship situations.

I think the conversation you need to have is the one where you call him (not text - call) and say something like, "I don't think this is working out. I'm sorry. I can't handle the distance - I thought I could. But it's too much for me and you will be better off if things end right here."

It would kinda be the mature and kind thing to do, yes?

First: Yes you tell him. You don't have to call him. Text messages are fine, e-mail probably better. This is obviously a very difficult confession, and writing will help you choose your words more carefully. Further, it will give him the chance to read and re-read what you wrote. At first, he is going to have the inevitable shock and will probably try to speak to you immediately, you don't have to pick up, in fact, I suggest you don't for at least a few hours, and I'm sure he will be texting you or e-mailing back rather quickly.

Second: You say you are tired of the distance thing, and so that is why you cheated on him. Does that mean you want the relationship to end, or are you hoping your actions will motivate him to make a move to get closer to you?


Third: The fact that you were physically intimate with 2 different people, suggests that you have a certain pattern; what would it take for you to break this pattern? That is the key for earning his trust again if you truly love him, and not just think you do. In that case, you should realize the blame is on your own ability to control your sexual desires for which you can easily change and become more in control of your sexual choices.


Last: Regardless how you feel about him, the fact remains you are in a relationship with him. If you want to do what is right, you would tell him either way so that he can know the truth and analyze how he wants to proceed. You owe this to him by the unwritten laws of ethics, yet there are no enforcers to this law but you and yourself only. You may fear losing him, but do you really want someone who wouldn't stay with you had they been aware of the truth? Imagine your wedding day, wouldn't the back of your mind be thinking "if he knew..would we still be here..would he still feel this way about me?" If you want to live a lie the rest of your life, it is going to drag you down further and further the deeper and longer your relationship becomes with him.

You have to tell him this.

It would have been better if you'd told him before you slept with someone else but you have to tell him that you can't handle the long distance relationship.

The reality is that as romantic as it can seem at times, long distance relationships aren't for everyone.

You do need to end the relationship. Whether you add the information about your cheating to the ending is really up to you.

Your disloyalty will only be met with despair.

Following more sage posters, you need to break it off because it clearly isn't working for you. I'm worried that your boyfriend feels that not telling him would be "protecting" them. Why would they need protecting?

You are not married to your boyfriend. You don't owe him a rundown of your love life other than to let him know you aren't interested in continuing with him.

Best A2K quote ever.

Aw, thanks!

You have to tell him

For far away love, distance rules:
"This is the kind of love for fools."