The Other Woman Not By Choice

Forums: Relationships, Sex, Cheating, Ethics
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I established a casual sex relationship with a stranger about a month ago. I found out today that he has a more than one-year relationship with his girlfriend who is now pregnant with his child. He told me a complete lie about his relationship status when we first met, going so far as to say he'd been with the same person for the previous four years, but they had broken up six months prior. We had unprotected sex because I am birth control, we discussed our respective STD statuses and made an agreement to be sexually exclusive. Not wise of myself, I know. I'm working on that. I now feel obligated to tell his girlfriend what happened. Am I?

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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 1,301 • Replies: 19

[+4] - roger - 09/29/2014Why? Are you trying to help her with something, or looking for revenge?

@jax000,

Why? Are you trying to help her with something, or looking for revenge?

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@roger,

roger wrote:

Why? Are you trying to help her with something, or looking for revenge?

This guy sounds like a scumbag . I'm probably different from others in the way I look at it. If I were the pregnant girlfriend I'd want to know. The sooner the better, instead of wasting years with a disloyal person. I wouldn't want to invest in such a relationship. He's having unprotected sex with both women....maybe more. He's putting he's unborn child at risk.

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@jax000,

You are not obligated to do anything. It was a casual sex relationship and you don't want to continue, so don't.

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@roger,

I thought it might help her to know what a scumbag she's now shackled to for the rest of her life. I hadn't even considered how he's actually putting his unborn child at risk as @germlat noted. Thank God I am not a liar like him and actually do have a clean STD test. Obviously, I must get tested again. Scary stuff. He said his reason for stepping out on her is that they haven't had sex in awhile. This isn't about revenge. Again, like @germlat said, I think a lot of people would like to know if their SO — in this case, father of her child — was carrying out such despicable conduct. However, after discussing it with others, I've elected to only say something six months to a year from now if I remember to do so. One person raised an excellent point; delivering such news to a pregnant woman could damage her and her child's health. I've already done enough harm, even if I had no choice in the matter and did so unwittingly. ...

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Hopefully in 6 months or so you will be over this and be glad you are rid of this man. You will also have time to deal with the earned shame you should have for having casual sex with an already involved man. You REALLY didn't know or suspect? You are co-responsible for this mess.

Put your tail between you legs and run away from this shameful mess.

The pregnant (baby momma) probably already knows, anyway.

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@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY wrote:

Hopefully in 6 months or so you will be over this and be glad you are rid of this man. You will also have time to deal with the earned shame you should have for having casual sex with an already involved man. You REALLY didn't know or suspect? You are co-responsible for this mess.

Put your tail between you legs and run away from this shameful mess.

The pregnant (baby momma) probably already knows, anyway.

She probably doesn't know...it might take her a solid decade to know. I think it'd be charity to let her know.

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@jax000,

You are not obliged to tell his girlfriend anything.

You may choose to do so at some point but you have to figure out first if it will do anyone any good to do so.

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@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

You are not obliged to tell his girlfriend anything.

You may choose to do so at some point but you have to figure out first if it will do anyone any good to do so.

So true!! I'd want to know though...it may be the only true chance to know he's a scumbag.

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@Germlat,

A few thoughts for the OP:
- you're a stranger, and she'll want to believe her boyfriend
- even if she does believe you - most people still blame the messenger.
- some don't particularly care, so long as they never find out
- she might be cheating to (ie. they might be suited to each other)

Of course there are the genuinely loyal and trusting people, who have a sense of self worth, and so will always want to know.

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@vikorr,

vikorr wrote:

A few thoughts for the OP:
- you're a stranger, and she'll want to believe her boyfriend
- even if she does believe you - most people still blame the messenger.
- some don't particularly care, so long as they never find out
- she might be cheating to (ie. they might be suited to each other)

Of course there are the genuinely loyal and trusting people, who have a sense of self worth, and so will always want to know.

You're right. I'm inclined to err on the side of " what if that were me?". Maybe the pregnant girlfriend is just like him( I hope she is...it would be poetic justice). But--what if she's not? What if she's spending her youth and energy on a low-life who's great at lying. Then...the light bulb comes on when a charitable soul lets her know about the REAL situation she's facing.

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This seems to be a watering hole for crazies.

Well, time to turn crazy into creativity like I always do.

1 Reply

@One Eyed Mind,

One Eyed Mind wrote:

This seems to be a watering hole for crazies.

Well, time to turn crazy into creativity like I always do.

You certainly do that well.

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Below viewing threshold (view)

@Germlat,

I'll take that as a compliment.

Thank you, Germlat.

Frankly (Aspisa), it's a shame that your name alone sounds like an insult.

Kind of like Smiley Cyrus.

1 Reply

@One Eyed Mind,

One Eyed Mind wrote:

I'll take that as a compliment.

Thank you, Germlat.

Frankly (Aspisa), it's a shame that your name alone sounds like an insult.

Kind of like Smiley Cyrus.

Aww...you're too cute!

1 Reply

@Germlat,

For my age, I'm quite young and cute. Like, you'd want to pet me type of cute. I have that baby wolf complexion and it really ensures that my words get through along with my charisma and my confidence.

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@Germlat,

Germlat wrote:

You certainly do that well.

No he doesn't, he turns it into moronic self indulgent crap, there's nothing remotely creative about it.

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

You just can't ignore me, can you Izzy? Such a shame that you stooped this low; talking behind someone's back, as if you're still the good guy. Nah, you're the bad guy - you always were. Can't handle the truth, so you hide.

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Don't talk to me you repulsive chimp. You're completely pointless, friendless and alone. You're so desperate for attention that you insult my dead wife. You're just a low life piece of dirt, and a very stupid one at that.

http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20080426093828/uncyclopedia/images/0/0d/Terryf.jpg

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

If that's how you wish to see it, then that is what you will see.

I never insulted you. I called you out on your own behavior. Why is it so hard for you to accept the possibility that maybe you're not okay? That you still have anger to manage and the one person you hate on here the most, is the one person honest enough to let you know that you have it still eating away at you?

Look at your conspiracy theory beliefs. People see what they are. You see all that fear and anger in these theories because you have fear and anger in you. The violence and the darkness - it's all in you, Izzy. I'm here for you, even if you aren't here for me or yourself. I will always be here to talk with you when you're done blaming me and start facing yourself, just for the sake of being sure.

Look at your post. It's 100% ad hominem. And you call me the chimp, while I am here giving you my hand when ever you want to communicate further than your denial and anger. You're not even over anger in the grief model. Anger is just a stage above denial. I am a perfect person to bargain with so you can hit depression and then finally reach acceptance.

Think about it. This isn't about me - this is about you. Tell us, when was the last time you cried?

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The Other Woman Not By Choice

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