Thu 25 Sep, 2014 11:25 pm
I think I landed a dinner date, this weekend, with a guy I met through Face Book. I noticed he's a mutual friend with one of my friends. I thought he's attractive so I decided to step out of my comfort zone and write him a message. Although, it's not something I normally do. To my surprise, we talked much longer then what I imagined we would. I guess I wasn't expecting much out of it to begin with. So a whole evening later, he messages me. We talked for a bit. Then, he asked if he could take me out to dinner. I agreed. Why not? Although I'm a more cautious and reserved person, I'm trying to not allow those things about me to hinder me from being "open-minded" and "open" to trying new experiences. So my thoughts on this:
I'm excited to finally meet him in person this weekend however I am also nervous as heck. I'm fearful that he will be nothing like I am imagining even remotely. Even though, clearly, if I'm not interested I can simply choose to walk away or say "good bye"
Am I making a mistake here? I mean, I've heard the bad stories about online dating but I have also heard the good stories which give me hope. My intuition is at a neutral standpoint right now. When I look into his eyes, facial expression and overall photos that he has online cause he only has two on face book I get a pretty good vibe. Then I see he has a tattoo around his neck and that makes me question who he is. Not that people with tattoos are bad, because they may not be but I guess I'm not used to that. Also, when I searched his name on the arrest records just to be on the safe side I saw he's been arrested several times before. I couldn't understand exactly why he was arrested but the gist of it from what I understood is TRAFFIC OFFENSE-DUI ALCOHOL OR DRUGS FIRST OFFENSE and another one that same year for FUG/ADAMS CO PA/FEL VOP /DISCHARGE FIREARM INSIDE STRUCTURE . (I'm not 100% what this one means) I think it has to do with a gun. So could some one please offer their advice, input, experience on this matter. It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!
This guy's had at least one DUI and has been arrested for discharging a firearm in public, under a verdict or plea - that's what VOP
means. Hence he either was found guilty or he pled guilty to a lesser charge, and there was possibly something worse but the DA's office didn't think they could prove it. FUG
might mean fugitive or failed to identify a fugitive; it's a little unclear from the research I did on these abbreviations. Unless he's got some common name (and so it might be the same name as some criminal), you've got a reasonably good idea of why he's still single.
Dinner is fine (of course) but maybe don't agree to dates quite so quickly, at least not before a quick check like you did. Give yourself an out and an option to say no.
I'm a little more cautious than Jes.
This one bears a little more patience to see whether he's outgrown his wild oat sowing.
Keep interacting online until you feel more comfortable.
There's no rush.
I agree - granted the deed is done and you already said ok to dinner, next time do the check first. I would definately hestitate if someone has an arrest record. Just make sure (which it sounds like you did) you meet somewhere neutral - which you should do with meeting someone for the first time any way). You probably want to already put in place a limit for the time of date - you have an early appointment the next day (that is the reason) so when you are winding down from dinner - say thanks I had a good time, I'm sorry I can't stay longer as I have an early appointment tomorrow. Have the reason in place a head of time so you are ready.
One thing you can do though is seeing you have some mutual friends - ask them about his arrest record. Do these records have dates on when it happened? If it was 10 years ago and he hasn't gotten into trouble since, maybe it was due to being young and stupid and he has matured since. On the other hand if your friends say he is trouble, I'd cancel. If they don't know much - use your instincts, but make sure you can leave easily and safely if you need to - which should be with any date where you do not know the person well.
Why do I have trouble accepting this o.p. as genuine and not a conversational come-on? Nobody's that naive, particularly not anyone so articulate,
Maybe it's just my personal reaction, but I'm not very tolerant of tattoos on the face, neck, or hands. Probably just superstition, but I would have reservations.
I"m not either but I realize that my perception of tattoos stems from my traditional old school upbringing and close relatives that are totally against it.