Thank you for taking the time to respond! Most of you were so helpful.
Just a couple of reminders before I respond...
- I lost my mother when I was 10, so I am very sensitive to how they feel
- In November it will be 3 years that their mother passed away
- 8 months ago I had a really nice (so I thought) conversation with the 2 older children...separately. I let them know that I wasn't here to replace their mother as she can't be replaced. How I, too lost my mother at a young age and knows what it feels like to have your dad start dating again.
- I have a very tight bond with his 8 year old daughter. It's really beautiful.
However, I am scared to put her through another loss, should I walk away from this.
Yes! Exactly, the teenage son sides with his sister. I know that she tried to get the little one to dislike me, too. You know how honest an 8 year old can be...about 1 year ago she, her daddy and I were at the zoo having a great time.
She and I were by ourselves and she said " I don't know why my sister doesn't like you, but I do". Oops!
I DO think that his son is having a particularly hard time with the loss, but his dad claims he's fine when I have brought up counseling.
Not going to his house will set an example for the 2 older ones that THEY pull the strings in our relationship, so I will continue to go.
Yes, it IS HIS problem to fix...agree!
Thanks again, Calamity J!
Everything that you advised is everything I have thought...we our on the same page! Thanks for validating my feelings
As Jesper said, "kids can't run his love life". Their father deserves happiness too and the oldest daughter should know this and want this for him.
You are right when you say that I can't expect them to like me. I am guilty...all I want is that chance, but as you rightly said...I can't force it. Good advice.
We are on the same page, too!
The biggest problem is that we never have one-on-one time, and I
am always at his house. As much as I love the little one- we need adult
time, as well.
I haven't seen him since Saturday (by my choice) and today is Wednesday. I am getting to that place of moving on. Thanks!
ONE EYED MIND:
Suiting screen name. As sure as you sound, I'm sorry but you couldn't be further from the truth. I re-read your post 6 times and none of it was accurate.
I agree, my next step is to let go and move on...that's the zone I seem to be entering as I type this.
If you read my other responses, you know that staying away from the house is something I won't do.
He DOES need that space to think through things and I need to keep doing what I enjoy doing. Great and thoughtful advice, thank you!
Thanks again, all.
It's agreed that I have been trying too hard to get his 2 older children to like me.
I'm glad I heard it...
Your advice was very helpful...I greatly appreciate it!